Dating a submariner

[Lisamm2011]

Hi ladies,

I have been dating this guy for a short time and we love each other but he has just been told he is being drafted to a base 600 miles away. With deployments of 3/4 months with no contact.

I have no idea whether it is worth trying to make it work. It will break my heart to split but is that best for the long run?

Any advice on dating in the military welcome!

Don't do it. My friend did for years. Lovely guy but the moment he came out and she supported him through re training he left her - basically he couldn't settle down day to day at home.

Patience.... That's the best advice.

The issue is that military personnel. I've frequently, so you have to decide if you want to build a career and therefore live apart more, or whether you are content to move jobs every few years.

Plans have to be flexible, as he may be called away last minute. Whatever you do, don't blame him for that and try not to resent it.

Military relationships do work, they are just harder than average. You need to go in with eyes wide open....

The issue is that military personnel move frequently

Hmmm. I know of two submariners who are in a relationship and see each other every few months. I couldn’t do it. Personal communications are extremely limited under water!

I often think the early days dating a military person are the worst and it gets better if you get married and can move around with them and have a shared home.

There are so many different trades and specialisms in the military, not everybody moves around a lot or goes overseas. I do think being with a submariner would be harder than most.

How long have you been together?

Not forces but my ex and I spent about 16 years with him working out of the country between six and nine months of the year. If I had seen a crystal ball, I would never have got involved. It was a weird half life where I wasn't single but neither was I in a couple very often. Lonely and stressful.

I'm married to a submariner, we have a young DD.

I'm not going to lie, it's hard, and no one else in the world understands other than a handful of other Sub WAGs.

BUT the drama is fun, apart from when it's not (hey molar teething fun!). Even after 10 years we are very much in the honeymoon period, and he gets long leaves to make up for the absences. When I had our daughter he spent 6 of the first 9 weeks at home, and he has most of the school holidays off too,

It helps that I was already madly in love with DH when he signed up to the subs. FWIW I have never ever ever considered leaving him and our daughter adores him despite the long absences.

DB was a submariner for 22 years. It's hard but possible. Still married after 23 yrs

But my husband had 8 weeks off at the start of my maternity leave and he doesn’t work away so don’t measure everything against time off

Met dh when he was just starting out in submarines; still with him post retirement from the RN. It can and does work, but you have to be independent and able to cope. Dh told his nephew who is just starting out in submarines, that part of my attraction was that I was an RN Officers daughter, so could handle being an RN Officers wife. I thought he married me because he loved me to distraction!!!

Depending upon his career path he may not be up north forever. There will be amid of shore and sea going jobs, and it also depends on his specialisation.

DH is a submariner, at the start of our relationship we lived apart and did our own things. Currently living together following the birth of DD and as he is on a promotional course down south. It's hard, the first six months of DD's life it was just me and her apart from the odd w/e.

I'm not looking forward to the eventual relocation away from my family and him returning to shift work and deployments. I often resent that my career has to fit around his but we love each other, we are open and honest about how we feel about everything (let's face it he probably has the worst deal being trapped in a tin can for 3months and only hearing from me once a week). It can work if you want it to. You just have to be prepared for spending time alone when everyone else is with their partners etc.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!