Mum dating a former senior officer - is he cocklodgerish?

[darlingbudsoftreacle]

NC'd but regular MN user.

My mum has started dating someone, both divorced with children.

I'm a bit worried he is potential cocklodger as she is in a fairly good work situation at the moment and he is talking about giving his (mortgage-free) house at some point to his (at university, just about adult) children and moving in with her.

He doesn't work as he is living off his pension. He has claimed his pension isn't very much so he needs to live frugally (but then again has said his divorce was a clean break so not sure what he is spending the money on).

I think this might be a porkie

What would the pension for a (retired) RAF Group Captain be? I have had a look at the online calculator but cannot make head or tail of it.

He is 55 but don't know the exact details of service length etc.

Length of service will make a huge difference.

You could be looking at anything from about £25k - £45k.

He would be very foolish if he gave his house away. Could he have meant letting them live there rent free?

But it's really up to your DM if she chooses a foolish man, and there really isn't anything you can do about it.

Depends on years of service - 30 years gives him c£40k, 20 years gives him £28k

If she has just started dating him then surely she can ask where he'd live if they split up? They are old enough to be practical!

Mum's from another culture and very well-educated in some areas but naive and lonely in others (we do try!). They met on OD so there are no mutual friends to verify him.

It's not the money that's the issue, my siblings and I have excellent professional careers and assets (due to the education she supported us in getting after our father disappeared to start a new family) so are hoping for zero inheritance and want her to spend her finances on what makes her happy. Including supporting a partner if necessary.

I think it's that he seems to have his eye on younger women a bit though when we've been out, like leching at waitresses a bit TOO long. Him being genuinely broke and her supporting them is fine: him lying and siphoning off money for other plans/dates would be heartbreaking.

Why is it OK for him to be genuinely broke when he's still got ten more years of working life and he's not working?

Your mum needs to really look after herself financially. Fine to go out with a bloke like that, but she doesn't need someone who's going to spend her retirement money.