Deployment - tips on surviving pls!

[grotbags1]

About to embark on first deployment since having two kids. DD1 is 4 and about to go to school DS is 5 months and a desperately poor sleeper. Posted abroad so no family support available and v little support available from the military community out here (no social groups etc). Feeling a bit scared really. DH leaves in Sep. Any hints / tips on surviving would be much appreciated :-) Thank you!

you might find there are others in a similar position to you - so why not ask DP to help you create your own wives club in your new area - ie put up posters on the base or give hand outs to the lads to take home ! it might make the lads feel better knowing all you gals are in touch with each other too ! and who knows - you might even get some funding from the unit ?! there's always support on here too ! and just incase there's any doubt - We are very proud of you and your family for generously letting your husband work away to keep us all safe ! thank you all whole heartedly ! sending a big (((((hug)))))

My DH is also away at the moment, so I am very aware of your anxieties.

The time leading up to deployment is always much worse and you'll hopefully find that once your DH has left, that after the initial few days your adrenalin and coping mechanisms will kick in and you'll just get on with it.

Things should probably change for the better when your DC starts school. That will open up new opportunities to meet people and you'll embark on the whole play date thing, which may well introduce you to new friends & adult company, which is a godsend when your DH is away.

Has your DH gone on his own, or with a unit? Are you in Germany? I so, where? We spent 6 years in Germany, in various locations, and some are definitely better than others.

You should definitely take advantage of your (2?) paid trips back home & would any family be able to come out, even for a weekend, to give you a break and a couple of lie-ins?

Your 5 month old will settle down with sleeping at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later. At least if DH is away, you can head to bed when you're tired and not feel as though you have to stay up.

Is there a nursery or childminder that your little one can go to, even for one morning just to give you a break?

The things that helped me were allowing myself a babysitter at least once a month (and your social life will get better with school & as you get to know more people) and also exercising - whether in your sitting room or a run, if a friend could mind the little one for 30 minutes. Could you start a book club if there isn't one already?

Just shout if you have any other questions!

Good luck - remember: the lead up is always much much worse xx

If there isn't one already, could you set up a tots music session?
Go to coffee mornings etc.

Also, can you space out family/friends coming over to visit, making sure you have a rest whilst they're there? That's what I did..there was always something on the calendar.

Thanks for the replies everyone! Don't really want to say where I am for fear of 'outing' myself. There are squadron activities but I've been a bit put off them tbh. Firstly DH will be deployed alone so no one to commiserate with and also there is a bit of a 'competitive housewives' thing going on that I don't like - probably mostly because I'm not a v good housewife!! I may well start going along again when he's away though just for some adult chat!! Also took your advice wonderwooman and have interviewed a babysitter for DS today - having a trial run on Fri so fingers crossed.

Decided the way to cope was to have a plan and be as organised as poss. - was feeling quite optimistic then DS had a rotten few nights plus I had a minor op last week and am still recovering and it all got away from me a bit again . Thanks for the replies though ladies - nice to know there are folk out there in the same boat. It would be nice to have a support thread on here for lone wives wouldn't it? Is there one already?

I can't help with the kids aspect as we don't have any yet, but DH is currently on his fourth deployment in three years (raf).

I know much of your time will be dictated by your children's needs which will hopefully help keep busy. It's worth joining in any base activities for families as someone will be in the same situation hopefully. I tend to avoid these things for various reasons, but they are a god send come deployment, sometimes it is the one place you can turn for support when friends and family can't quite understand what you are feeling.

The lead up to deployment is always argumentative for us. But that settles down, it's just nerves.

Try to find a way that your eldest can see the passing of time and keep in touch with dad if possible.
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Keep busy. Don't panic when you don't hear from him for a while. It's not easy, but you get into a routine.

My husband is deploying in September too and his regiment take a lot of extra people with them. Is your husband going with a parent regiment - you might find more people in the same boat there. What's your welfare support like? We are a long way from home too but it's our fourth deployment so am slightly better practiced at it. It's still shit though
If you want to PM me to chat or whatever, do feel free. This bit, before they go, is actually more rubbish then when they've gone, IMO, so in our house, it's just a case of head down and get through it. Then, once they've gone, you can start to do all the coping stuff!

Hi, rubbish, rubbish, rubbish, poor you. I hear you re the military wife of the year contenders although often when you scratch the surface warm and funny people are hiding so might be worth investigating again.

I'd second the getting a baby sitter/ childminder even for just one morning, it will save your sanity!

One thing I do is write a blog, settings are private so only invited parties can view, you could write it from the perspective of your kids, gives you the opportunity to poke fun at yourself which can be helpful if having a bad day. Doesn't need to be long posts or indeed meaningful, mine is frequently a picture with a few lines, end of, but it is easier to access photos this way and it has kept my husband up to date with ludicrous family goings on, hot summer days, visits to favourite places, full of food, firsts of lots of things etc. Close family also have access which helps keep them up to date if I'm too knackered to call!

Good luck!