17yr old DD wants to join the army

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I need some perspective on this from people who know about being in the army.
My 17yrs DD has said that she wants to join up and it is causing major rows in our house because my DH and I are refusing to allow her.
We had hoped that she could join the TA in order to give her a taste of army life however they have now changed the age to 18ys.
We just dont think that she is emotionally mature to handle the army and has a rose tinted view of army life ie I will be able to travel the world.
We also know nothing about the army other than what we see /read in the media and to be honest we are horrified that this is what she wants to do.
She is becoming more and more determined about joining and my DH are at the end of our tether.
Can anyone give me some advice on how best to handle the situation.

Army cadets to start with

You won't "win" on anything, be it choice of career or unsuitable boyfriend or whatever, by going head to head with a large teen (especially on a subject on which you admit you know little).

Army cadets isn't a recruiting vehicle for the main Army, but it might be the kind of exposure both she and you would benefit from.

Has she actually taken any steps to investigate Army careers (from their website, or a trip to a careers office)? What trade is she interested in?

What does she want to do? A short service commission can be a really good way into getting great leadership and management skills, or if she has an engineering bent at all, but isn't 'academic', then there are some great trade opportunities.

'I want to join the army' is only half of the story. Does she want to be an officer? Or a soldier? What does she want to do in the army?

I decided to join the raf when I was 14. I wanted a commission, so it gave me a very direct guide as to what I would need to achieve academically to get there. I applied for a bursary through the raf for uni, but didn't get accepted (the three girls on my selection course who did get awarded bursaries or scholarships all decided not to join up, incidentally). I reapplied later as a direct entrant.

I would suggest she visit the careers office and discuss her thoughts with them. They will be able to advise on what routes to entry might be available in her particular circumstance, and what she needs to achieve academically to get where she wants to be.

The services are great for confidence building, early leadership and management, and have some great training and extra curricular stuff. She does need to keep a weather eye on what she intends to do after she leaves - so something that has a civilian equivalent would be great.

As an aside - if you mean she wants to join the army right now, at 17, then I would be encouraging her to play the long game in order to get the most out of it. You would have the veto at this stage. There are also fairly strict rules about what an under 18 can do, but I suspect she would turn 18 before she was out of training anyway.

And thank you for your honesty, but I'm not entirely sure that 'we are horrifed' was the right choice of words. Maybe 'worried', or 'concerned' would have been more appropriate when talking to people who live this stuff day in, day out? You can be 'horrified' with your nice friends at the weekends.

Welcome and as far as joining up is concerned it is something you need to be 100% sure about and clearly she is. Second joining the TA or the cadets. Also she needs to have a chat with the careers office. Make an appointment and either go with her or send her alone. I suggest going along, it may open your eyes a little. Also there are options. Some Unis have University Air Squadrons, she can apply for bursaries to pay for a degree, do some cadet training then join up after university. There are also 3 services to choose from, and within those many, many complex and diverse trades/branches. It isn't necessarily a front line job, but I can see that you are probably very concerned about that aspect. There is always a chance of deployment, but again where and doing what depends on the career choice she makes within the services.
It's not a bad choice for a young person. On the job training, accommodation, job stability, decent salary and friends that she will keep for life. Don't knock it until you've tried it

Totally agree with madwoman.

Also (I would say this as joined RAF at 17) but get her to look at the Navy and RAF as as well and really look at the differences between the services and which will suit her best.

Lots for her to consider.

Oh and my mum and dad both said "give it 2 weeks and she'll be back" .... That was 14 years ago and they now say it was the best thing I ever did

I agree with what the knowledgeable others have said.

She needs to ask herself what she wants to be in the Army. Has she considered the other services. The Army/RAF/Navy careers office is a great place to start as is the TA or the RAF reserves. It does give a idea of what life in the forces is like.

I joined the RAF reserves for 4 years before I joined up. By that time I was eligible to go for a commission. There are lots of things he needs to sit down and ask herself. If she wants to talk to someone who's been in (and married to!!) the military I would be very happy to chat with her (as I am sure everyone else would).

thank you for all of your replies and sorry if I offended anyone with my choice of language .
Perhaps if I expressed my fears it may become more apparant why I am against her joining up.
She is a very immature 17yrd old both physically and emotionally - she looks about 14/15yrs old .
She has absolutely no life experience other than going to school ie she doesnt socialise outwith school and she has never had a boyfriend nor is she interested in having one. The furthest she has ever ventured from home is into the city centre which is a 10 min train journey away.
She is only interested in joining the army and wont consider anything else.
She has said that she wants to train as a medic and is very keen to go to Afghanistan because she wants to fight terrorism.
She has been through the selection process to join the TA however there has been a rule change and the min age is now 18yrs. I was happier for her to join the TA as she would have got some experience of army life.
The TA were very keen for her to join and our local TA sergeant (?? ) is disappointed that she wont be joining them.
She currently has 9 exam passes at A and B grades and is waiting on the results of another 5 however she wont consider a career in the army she just wants as I said to be an ordinary soldier and to fight terrorism.
We are having huge fights about this and have been now for over a year. I am now coming to the conclusion that I will have to relent and give my permission.
She has said that if we dont give permission she will join at 18 and cut contact with her dad and I .
What I would like to know is why when she went to the army recruiting office they wanted to know if she had the support of her family.
How important is that to her application - does it matter to the army if she does not for example ?
Thank you if you have read this far - it is actually helping to write this down

Could she go here?
It's the forces VI Form and has the most amazing facilities; it would also give her the opportunity to grow up. Suggest to her that she'd be much more use trained to the best of her capabilities.

My DB had very similar arguments with my parents, he even theatened to join the French Foreign Legion. 30 Years on he's still in and has done some amazing things!

thanks I will get her to have a look at this

Not via the French Foreign Legion, btw TA then Sandhurst!

I think if you can encourage her to go to Welbeck, you're showing her you respect her aspirations and are going with her but steering her in a more realistic direction...

It could be the making of her.

But she needs to be a little more realistic about what she's hoping to achieve - the Army isn't ALL about 'fighting terrorism' - she may well be posted elsewhere than Afghanistan, especially if she's a medic. If she goes along to interview with a narrow view she is unlikely to make the cut.

If she's bright then maybe ask her to consider her nurse training within one of the services? Then she'd get to do a degree, become a qualified nurse, acquire a huge range of skills and experience far beyond what most NHS nurses do and get paid well to do so, with lots of opportunities for travel, sports, socialising and further studying. And she'd end up in Afghanistan sooner or later.

You do know that the TA end up in Afghanistan as well, right? And that the harmony rules (amount of time spent on ops as opposed to back home) are broken more often for reserve personnel than regulars? I know one particular reserves unit where it is reasonably common to flip flop back and forth, and then get offered and accept a civilian job in Bastion...

Re the age - at 17, she would need your permission. At 18, no.

I know quite a few people who have gone to Welbeck. It is rather more steering you towards a commission though (understatement) Would she not tolerate a nursing degree? Or contacting the careers office and finding out about scholarships?

I wouldn't worry too much about the small town life thing. When I joined the RAF I had never been on a plane. and I decided at 14 what I wanted to do, as well. I joined as a direct entrant (didn't get a degree first), but did go for a commission - she wouldn't be able to do that with nursing, obv, and I know they were talking about making a degree compulsory. If she chooses the right trade, she could always commission later if she has the aptitude etc. it's reasonably common.

I went back and got my degree as a mature student when I left. It is entirely possible to play around with the correct order of doing things and still tick all the boxes. It makes parents nervous, but ultimately, it is her life. She sounds as though she knows what she wants... (and yeah... She's going to spend years putting pissed up squaddies back together in the less salubrious parts of the uk, in much larger part than ops!)

The important thing is to get her to the careers office. And let her discuss options with the services and she can get a more realistic idea of the route she wants to take.

(I would actually have died if my parents wanted to come with me, by the way. I first went at 15 or 16, when I was finding out about bursaries. As far as I was concerned, this was me making decisions about my adult career, and Nowt to do with my parents. I took all the stuff home and talked it through there, but there was no way on this earth that I would have showed up for a potential job interview type scenario with my mum...... )

What she is saying still sounds a bit chaotic: perhaps it would help both of you if you encourage her to sit down and tell you properly what it is she wants to do.

If it is to be a medic - what form is she interested in? Have a look here at career paths available.

This does not however lend itself to "fighting terrorism" as RAMC personnel, though often in harm's way, are not combatants in any usual sense.

If she wants a more frontline role ("finding terrorism") what part of that fight is she interested in? Has she been to a careers office to find out what trades she might be interested in?

Also picked up on not wanting a career just joining as a normal soldier - I think you it would help to look and understand the differences between joining as an OR (ranks) or an officer and help her decide where she is best suited. I very much have a career and am not commissioned, I belong where I am. Sounds like she is academically where she should be to be able to join as an officer but this really is not the only factor she needs to determine where she naturally fits IYSWIM.

You really need to talk to your local AFCO

she wants to be a combat medical technician and has said that she doesnt want to be an officer at any cost
I feel better having read all of your replies and have come to the conclusion that we will give permission to join.
She has to be accepted first of all and she also has to get through the basic training - given that she does not surface most days until lunch time I do wonder how she will cope.
And she is highly sensitive doesnt take criticism very well /doesnt like being told what to do and hates it when I raise my voice. Can you see why I dont think its the career for her
So I have decided that I will worry about her being in the army if and when she gets accepted.
thank you all for taking the time to reply

Why does she feel so strongly about not being an officer? Just curious - with her exam results to date, they will ask her as well, so she needs to think it out. A lack of ambition won't stand her in particularly good stead, so she needs to have a good solid answer.

I really wouldn't worry about the discipline etc. if this is something she wants to do, she will suck it up and will be a changed person. A stroppy teen's dealings with their mother bears little relation to how they deal with other people when they are being treated like a professional.

Good luck dd! x

Good plan OP

OP, you are spot on. It'll be the making or breaking (i mean that in a good way ). Tis a massive shock to this system when mum isn't cleaning up after you, ironing your kit or getting you up in the morning! . I loved it. But I wasn't commissioned. The lack of serious daily responsibility suited me at the time, had I stayed in I would have changed my mind and reached for stardom, either as NCO or Officer, who knows. DH was an irresponsible SAC when I met him...as far as they could be in those days. Now he's commissioned and loves his job. But doesn't regret the route he took. He advises other hopefuls differently though! Depends on the kid! Good luck!

What about doing her nurse training in the Army/RAF/Navy? I am a nurse.(I trained in the NHS and was qualified for sometime before I joined up so slightly different career path). I looked after many military student nurses on my ward.

She won't be deployable for 3 years while she is training, her training will be based in NHS hospitals with a military presence. Once she is qualified she will be deployable and can be pretty frontline, nurses go in on the helicopters to scoop and run bring back to the field hospitals, I saw some nasty stuff

If she joins the RAF she will be trained as a Aeromed Nurse (bringing patients back from all over the world including Afghanistan) - I loved this aspect of my time in the RAF, very exciting, saw some fantastic places and did some amazing work with some amazing people.

I think that's the best way to go too, Kellamity. Also being a nurse gives you many more opportunities after you leave than if you're a CMT or MA.

Military nurses are now much more 'frontline' than they were when I was in and the role is more integrated between all services. For example a Naval Nurse can be on the ground in a field hospital, in the air doing retrieval or on a ship as surgical support.

Hey OP,

I'm a serving soldier - joined at 18 and am now in my 22nd year!

My parents were also against me joining up - I went into the Careers Office on my 18th birthday and was in training at Guildford 4 months later. My parents came to my Passing Out Parade but had faces like they were sucking lemons the whole time . It took me about a year (spent in Northern Ireland at the height of the 'troubles' for me to forgive them. Within a couple of years they were busy telling all their friends how 'proud' they were of me and commenting unfavourably on friends children who had not yet left home.

A couple of points. If your DD is unfit - tell her she needs to get fit now. It is very easy to be thrown out of the Army for not being able to pass the (pretty simple) fitness tests, and she doesn't need the extra pain and stress of remedial PT. If she is fit tell her she needs to keep it up.

Don't worry about her not liking being shouted at or told what to do I was a bugger at school and very opinionated. Once I joined up I learned very quickly when to keep my mouth shut and when to speak my mind. As for being shouted at, well it happens to everybody, so she just needs to understand that she's not being picked on, everyone is in the same boat - I used to think "Oh well, my turn today, tomorrow it will be Pte Piles"

CMT is a good trade, but by the time she is qualified I doubt she will get to Afghanistan, considering that we are supposed to be withdrawn in 2015. Is she prepared to be bored, sitting in a Regimental Medical Centre administering Bruffen to Infantrymen with sore feet? There is an equal amount of 'not doing anything' as there is 'fighting terrorism'

Hi
Just thought that I should give an update. Well DD went to the recruiting office today and came back and said that she now wants to be a....................................

dog handler !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WTF ??? Never been mentioned before altho she is very fond of animals. Not sure how the discussion went at the recruiting office but I would love to have been a flie on the wall
How did she get from medic to dog handler ?
No wonder I drink!

I love teenagers trying to do the 'what I want to be when I grow up' thing. It all makes perfect sense though, I mean, it is completely ridiculous to be able to choose one thing at 17, and stick with it for life.

You know, sometimes you just have to go with it.

?

My son wants to join the RAF. He too is 17 but I support him all the way. Let her try. x