Arguing a lot before long separations - are we normal?

[sensuallettuce]

OH went away for 4 months last year and is about to go away for another 4 months (in a submarine).

Thing is we seem to argue a lot before we have a long separation - is this normal? Does anyone else notice this?

I think I get over sensitive and anxious and he seems to become less understanding and tougher with me. We live 500 miles apart and have lots of kids all over the country so life is usually pretty hectic and all our time together is snatched, and often involves catering for a large family.

Completely normal.

DH is also a submariner and we "fight"get very petty and irritable and wish he'd bloody left already for the preceding month to patrol and then for a week after the "honeymoon" period when he gets back. Rest of the time we're inseparable

The bit when they get back makes it worth them going away

Yeah....... till the novelty wears off!

In all seriousness on the RN website there is a section under the families bit about what to expect when they deploy. You'll recognise a lot of what they write and it'll reassure you.

Thanks....urgh am dreading it I miss talking to him on the phone and sharing our day so much and I have hideous "submarine" dreams.

Can't wait for 3 yrs when he leaves :)

We always argued before he went on patrol, but it was fine when he came back. I think they spend time getting their patrol heads on before they go and morphing into their professional personas, as opposed to our dhs, or at least mine did. You always knew mine was going away as he became more WEO than dh.

Completely normal.

I think its the stress and pressure of wanting everything to be perfect and lovely pre-tour, mixed with the onset of worry and anxiety of them being away for all that time, topped off with the wanting them gone so you can get on with your routine.

It's like living in limbo.

I can comment from both sides. If you are dreading going away it can make you short and a bit moody - if you can, take it as a complement - grown up separation anxiety!! Wouldn't be an issue if he didn't care.

You are both edgy - but as you have done this before you know the worst part is running up to departure. From then on at least the clock is ticking in the right direction! Good luck - we are one mth down 5 to go!

I hate the time before DH goes, his crap kit is all over the place, he walks round muttering lists to himself and we snap at eachother, both of us would rather he just go and get it over and done with.
DH once asked me why I was so independent, um because I have to be, with him away for 4 months I can't have things that only he can do, I even took a jar of marmite to a local garage for someone else to open because I couldn't and DH was away.
Good luck

completely

the last few weeks then days are the pits, I would end up wishing he was already gone, which then brings on a massive guilt trip

Completely normal.
And usually when they get back too.
Both re-adjusting.

Yes, it is normal, and SnapSnafu is also correct about it being the same when they get back.