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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

And so the heartbreak begins

14 replies

justhayley · 11/09/2011 10:08

Hi all,
Iv been dreading today for the last 6/7 months and it was 100% as painful as I thought it would be.
My fiancé just left for Sandhurst. I decided not to go with him and say goodbye as we thought it would be easier to do our goodbyes in private at home. I know to a lot of you out their 5weeks without your husbands partners etc is easy but in the 7 years we've been together we have never been apart 5 weeks - and that's if he passes otherwise it could be 8 I guess, this is the first time for me and I feel like my entire world has come crashing down. Soon as he left I vomited all over the hallway carpet - lovely!

I know it will get easier - well at least I hope it will but I'm not really sure how I'm going to get through today.
How did u deal with the first separation?

anyone out their going through the same thing today?

Hayley x

OP posts:

nomiddlename · 11/09/2011 12:18

You'll get throught it - it will make you stronger. In the grand scheme of things, 5 weeks isn't long but I know that's no comfort to you right now.

How old are you? Do you work? If you are employed, then just immerse yourself in work, baking, chilling with friends etc.

I wasn't with DH when he went through SH but his first mini op tour wasn't too bad. In fact, we weren't even living together.

So I guess the furst time her went properly away was when I was pregnant so he basically missed most of it and then came home with about 3.5 months until the birth. That was hard but as I was working, it was fine.

Even now, I love having the doubl;e bed to myself and he's been weekend commuting for a couple of years. It does get much easier and you get used to it all pretty quickly.

Write to him and chat when/if you can - then he'll be home.

Good luck.

swingingcat · 11/09/2011 13:19

It's when they deploy for 7mths and you've no means of contact.

You get used to it, honest you do!

scaryteacher · 11/09/2011 18:35

You'll get used to it; if he stays in, and you stay with him, you'll have to. Look on the positive side, he's at Sandhurst in the UK, nice and safe, and not somewhere hot and sandy being shot at. The worst that will be happen is that he'll get yelled at loudly a lot.

Don't wallow in it; you can still write to him and presumably talk to him. 5 weeks is nothing and will soon go by. I used to work late and eat what I wanted when dh was at sea. It was my 'me' time. Iirc, you are pregnant, so get the 'me' time in now, as it won't be easy to get some once you have the baby.

notyummy · 14/09/2011 10:12

You need a structure to your life that doesn't rely on him to allow you to have fun basically, otherwise you will sit around moping and it will seem a lot longer. If you are working then focus on that and use 'extra' time to potentially take on new projects and make yourself look good!! Get plenty of exercise - whatever you enjoy - he will be a lean fit person and you want to be able to keep up . Make arrangements to see friends for drinks/the cinema - think about films he wouldn't want to see and take advantage of his absence.....

scaryteacher · 14/09/2011 12:22

The OP is pregnant iirc - she won't be lean and fit!!!!

notyummy · 14/09/2011 12:29

Maybe not lean then - but can be fit and pregnant .

Made me feel loads better though. All the military types at the gym I used to go to were terrified of me going into labour at the gym - I was in there on my due date and I think they were convinced they would be needing hot water and towels. It didn't happen!!

mpsw · 14/09/2011 13:17

Our first separation was for the first Gulf War!

You keep busy, get really good at writing letters (nicer than all the email now, as you get to keep them), learn to feel you're getting the best of both worlds (fully independent, but not "out there" single) - oh, and you can stop shaving your legs!

SouthStar · 17/12/2011 02:55

I find the build up to it is worse than actually living through the separation. You will most likely surprise yourself with how you adapt

sensuallettuce · 28/02/2012 14:44

Hi, my partner is a Submariner so we have months and months with no communication at all (apart from me sending him 120 words a week!!), he is due to go away again soon for four months. As a PP said I find the build up is bad as well as the actual separation. For some reason we seem to argue loads before he goes away, think is a combination of tension, frustration, guilt (him) and I guess resentment (me).

I cope while he is away by being very busy with my children (not his), having his children when I can, throwing myself into work, making sure I have plans on the weekends (this is when I find its worse) so I have things to look forward to.

At the end of every day I write to him (just a few sentances) about my day etc like a diary and I find this really really cathartic as what I miss most is being able to share my day with him (we speak on the phone every day when he is off crew - he is based 500 miles away). I post my letters when they are two sides long (god that sounds more anal than it actually is ) and he reads them when they get back.

I also have a countdown app on my phone which he rips the piss out of me for but it helps me.

I have made friends with other WAGS whose husbands are on the same Sub on FB too and I find that reallty helps as they really truly understand how it feels, so if you don't already have friends in the same sitaution it might be worth investigating.

Good luck - 5 weeks will be gone before you know it.

sensuallettuce · 28/02/2012 14:47

Haha - just seen the date is Sep 11 so the 5 weeks will have gone oh well hope it all went ok :)

scaryteacher · 28/02/2012 20:23

120 words a week? You spoiled woman - we got 2 x 20 word grumble grams per patrol (8 weeks) when dh was at sea on his black tube.

madwomanintheattic · 28/02/2012 20:39

can anyone remember when the op is due? or have heard in the interim how he is faring?

i was marginally excited to see how she / they were getting on, but alas, was not to be...

HillyWallaby · 02/03/2012 05:35

I'm sorry I don't mean to sound harsh, actually I think perhaps I do but seriously - you've been together 7 years and you were physically sick and your 'entire life has come crashing down' because he has gone off to Sandhurst for a measly 5 weeks? Histrionic, much?

How the hell are you going to cope when he gets sent to a warzone for months and months on end and you can't speak to him at all? Pull yourself together.

HillyWallaby · 02/03/2012 05:36

Whoops - apologies, I see this is a very old thread. not sure why it has been resurrected. [confused

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