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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Is someone winding me up?

55 replies

vintageteacups · 10/06/2011 13:37

Okay - so a friend told me the other night that there is a course for future CO's wives to go on to learn how to be a CO's wife whatever that means

I thought this sounded very strange so asked whether it's the type of thing about etiqette (how to say hello to the queen or whatever).

She said CO's wives should already know that anyway! I thought perhaps she's winding me up but she insisted that some of her friends are going on the course - some to have a giggle but others because they felt they should take it seriously.

So it right and if so, where's the course and what do they teach you exactly?

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notyummy · 10/06/2011 23:28

Ach, there's not many perks left these days really. I shouldnt begrudge. Tus a shame it is only one service. Have to admit, DH was fuming when he found out at staff college. Most RAF Stn Cdrs (I.e lots of Sqns of ac and 000s on a stn) will drive themselves. None have designated drivers, and MT drivers only occasionally used when a business case can be made.

They have stopped all first class travel haven't they? All part of the big review...

Original poster

vintageteacups · 10/06/2011 23:31

Glad they've stopped all 1st class travel - the MOD civil servants were up in arms about it apparently .

You know what I said about abbreviations and acronyms?.....
"(I.e lots of Sqns of ac and 000s on a stn)" ????

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TalcAndTurnips · 10/06/2011 23:32

vintage - I know, I know - promise I'm being light-hearted!

It is really interesting to hear about all the different experiences though; you don't miss what you've never had!

We have SLIS (Senior Live In Spiders) but that's because I'm shite at housework an ecologist.

notyummy · 10/06/2011 23:32

Night all!

Vintage- are you busy filling in the application form? I think you need two referees that will attest you regularly turn up the collar of your shirt and live the smell of wet lab.

notyummy · 10/06/2011 23:33

Sorry! Squadrons of aircraft and thousands on a station - in English!

Original poster

vintageteacups · 10/06/2011 23:34

Righteo notyummy - I'll get onto it in the morning

night too !

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notyummy · 11/06/2011 10:42

You know what, I did think this morning that some parts of the Army spend a lot of the time living in tents etc. They probably deserve a driver when they get back! To be fair only the helicopter crews and the RAF Regiment in the RAF rough it properly...maybe thats the equation they are currently working on.

wheresthepimms · 11/06/2011 13:57

the gardener thing is to do with the size of your garden, we miss out by 0.2 of a sq m. Oh and the RAF run a course for whatever their equivalent of LE officers wives to go on so they know how to behave in the officers mess !! My friend went on it and said they told her she couldn't drink pints anymore

OfflineFor30Years · 11/06/2011 14:14

I know the conversation has moved on a bit but the whole idea of a course is ridiculous imho and really winds me up. I'm probably having a sense of humour failure but it really belittles the idea of the wife being a person in your her right. I wouldn't go .... not unless there was the equivalent course on how to be Finance Director's husband that DH was forced to go on.

OfflineFor30Years · 11/06/2011 14:16

Oh that doesn't make sense (trying to type with a baby on my lap!). It's meant to say "in her own right"

GabbyLoggon · 11/06/2011 14:50

Never heard of it; and my wife thinks I,m clever

Original poster

vintageteacups · 11/06/2011 17:52

I know offline; it's a bit barking tbh.

I know I do worry about the mass catering thing but at the end of the day I'm me and it's tough if I don't conform. DH thinks I don't conform on purpose but if I didn't do my own thing, I'd lose my identity.

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MrsSnaplegs · 12/06/2011 01:09

Vintage you do know I will come down and do meals if you want for a "function " if I can get time off real work I'm sure we can find a reason to make it a "duty" trip

wheresthepimms · 12/06/2011 08:48

Vintage take a leaf out of the person who used to live in the big houses book and unless it is BBQ for friends get the chef to cater it for you, just make sure they disappear out of the house 5 mins before your guest arrive having done everything and left you with food that can't go wrong

Original poster

vintageteacups · 12/06/2011 10:38

pimms thought I might pop over to the Mess kitchen and get some lessons from him . Some nice sauces perhaps that I can practice and then batch cook and freeze. Not sure he'll be into my master Chef approach to desserts though - will have to see

DH was sat next to his Brigadier's wife at a do a few weeks back and she said that since the entertainment allowance cut backs, CO's aren't 'exprected' to entertain using their own money as much any more. DH disagreed and said we would do it anyway (thanks for that dh!)

He said "oh you won't mind if it's beans on toast when you come and stay then?" She said "no, of course we won't mind" (phew)

mrssnaplegs - you don't need an excuse to come and visit and I certainly wouldn't ask you to help me do the catering!!! But feel free to come and visit - I feel as though I know you well enough from mumsnet!!! ........and certainly better than I know the brigadier's wife!

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goinggetstough · 12/06/2011 12:22

As COs aren't "expected" to entertain as much due to the cut backs I'd make sure your husband knows that too! It can get very expensive. Why should you have to entertain as part of the job and pay for it too. I just say NO in those cases. There are though some situations when you invite for example coy comds and their wives. This is a grey area as we would have invited them round as friends so we would expect to pay. Mess Chefs are excellent - we never hid ours. If we used them, we used them and everyone benefited from a lovely meal and an added bonus is they are excellent at cleaning up the kitchen afterwards!!!!

Original poster

vintageteacups · 12/06/2011 12:39

Thanks going that's good to know.

It's not the people who are friends that we would class as entertaining; I'll cook for friends any time. It's just that he said all the officers' and partners and subbies expect to come round for dinner at some point over their 2 yrs.

Also - things such as xmas drinks for the warrant officers; this won't be too bad though if I literally do nibbles and drinks and a 'from and to' time

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wheresthepimms · 12/06/2011 16:00

Vintage if you don't invite any of them then you are ok but if one comes round then all the rest have to come round otherwise at ojar time they can say that DH is biased and that is why my report is so bad.

goinggetstough · 12/06/2011 16:40

Hi,
Drinks parties always seem to be the cheaper option... from experience never do them at lunchtime as people stay on and on and drinks lots more than you expect.
We had a fork supper (chilli/lasagne etc) for the W0 and Sgts Mess and wives, rather than Christmas Drinks. We had a large Mess and not so large house so split them over 2 nights. They were great evenings. This was a reasonably economic way to host both Messes (though not at the same time) and we always had a fun time. Then we had a few dinners too.
Alcohol is always the thing that boosts the price. Maybe not so bad if you are in Germany. At the beginning of a tour if you are in UK (as we were) it might be worth a day trip to France to stock up on wine etc.
I know it is easy to say since we have been there done it, but really do what you feel comfortable doing. You shouldn't have to spend an arm and a leg entertaining unless 'you' want to. I expect though some of the pressure depends on which Regiment you are part of. Most of us don't have a private income..... or at least we don't!!!!

Original poster

vintageteacups · 12/06/2011 18:48

Yep - it's the alcohol thing that worries me too but think it'll be fine.

I'm a bit of a demon at getting tesco bargains.

I also think that if you state on the invite/email drinks from 2-4, then you're stating when people are to leave and hopefully less alcohol being drunk.

For formal dinners, we've had hosts where there's on;y wine for dinner followed by coffee/tea then home from the table, rather than hanging one on drinking spirits (I'm hoping to go along those lines and will practice my yawning "I'm nearly ready for bed" technique) .

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goinggetstough · 12/06/2011 20:10

Sounds like you've got it sorted. Good luck and enjoy...

hf128219 · 13/06/2011 16:49

A course?! I missed it

The point of the driver is so that the CO can work on the way to meetings etc, take phone calls etc.

wheresthepimms · 13/06/2011 16:57

is the driver not also there as the military have got very hot on drivers hours now and if you have been working/travelling all day then you wouldn't be allowed to drive home and would have to overnight more often

hf128219 · 13/06/2011 17:08

Not sure - quite possibly though.

At the end of the day the driver's role is one a serving soldier undertakes to improve his driving skills, inter-personal skills etc.

I think some people misunderstand it and imagine a liveried chap at the beck and call of the CO 24/7!

Original poster

vintageteacups · 13/06/2011 18:01

Don't worry Hf -DH definitely knows the driver is not that and will only be using him/her for very speciifc reasons and won't use him if at all poss.

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