New Girl...

[Nessica]

Hi Everyone,

I'm a bit a a lurker on Mumsnet and I've been reading this section for the last seven months trying to get a bit of an insight into how it all works within the 'Forces' and have finally plucked up the courage to post.

My partner is in the Army and we are one week into a ten week deployment whilst he is on exercise abroad. This is our first period of time apart and I'm very much aware that in terms of time away from each other it is only a short stint. But, this is a fairly new relationship for us so it all seems very new.

I was a single parent for nearly three year before we got together so am used to coping with work/children/life on my own but had just got used to sharing it with someone special again and then suddenly he's away until mid-July. I know I have very little to complain about but I just wanted to say hello to other people who can understand the current situation I'm in.

Hope to chat some more soon.

Ness x

Hi Nessica - welcome to the Forces Sweethearts section of MN.

I think you'll everyone generally really helpful and for me, it's the first place I come to to ask something/have a moan etc as we're currently living in our own house and so I feel quite out of the loop.

Are you married and living in a married quarter or your own home? If you're on a patch, then it's easier to get in touch with others in the same boat. Now the nice weather is here though, at least you can out and about with the children to make the weeks a bit faster until July.

Hi Vintage - Thanks for the swift reply! :)

We're not married and he still lives on base about 30 minutes away but does spend a lot of time at my house. Although he's due to move to Blandford in September as just got onto a Formans course so will be doing a degree within a year and a half. So it looks like it will be weekend time together only so he can get his work done in the week.

I'm very lucky that I've got a fantastic support network around me in the shape of family and friends but it's the evenings and weekends that I really miss him. It's mad as my life is really busy but it also feels really lonely without knowing I'm going to see him again within a short time frame or speak to him (currently have an 8 hour time different so it's a case of luck trying to talk on the phone).

I think I'm just having a mini 'woe is me' day, hence posting on here. but I think it's a good thing as have been thinking about dipping my toe in for a while!

I too have a DH working away in the week and I think it's getting more and more common with forces families.

I always find teatime and bedtime the hardest part of the day when the kids are being extra tricky and you just feel like getting some back up from another adult.

I've been actually living with dh for almost 5 years now and the novelty still hasn't worn off! Makes a change after years of weekending, sea time and six weeking. So far it's been 11 years of actually living under the same roof and 14 years apart one way or the other. Scary when you write it down like that. Should be even stevens by the time he leaves the RN.

hi Ness, welcome to the forum! Everyones allowed a feeling sorry for themselves day - iv been having a few myself lately lol
Sharing what your going through deff helps though.
I hope the good days are just around the corner for you

Hayley x x

Hello Ness - there you go, that's another day down since you wrote your post!

Totally understand how you feel; my DH is RN and has been seagoing for the majority of his career (and weekending when he wasn't). There are times when you feel as if you'd do anything, just anything to be with your partner and give them a big hug. These are the times when you just need to wallow a bit - scoff some choc or watch a weepy film and have a damn good sniffle.

The rest of the time you just get on with life, taking each day as it comes. Take every chance you can to communicate with your man - we can never know quite how it feels for them, being away from everything that is familiar.
It is really helpful to share your experiences with people who have been through the same - you're definitely in the right place!

I won't lie and say those ten weeks will fly by - sometimes the time drags dreadfully. Keep as busy as you can; post loads on MN and just keep letting your partner know how much you love him.

Hope you're feeling positive today!

Thank you soo much for the lovely messages everyone... I'm feeling much brighter today thanks!

Yesterday was my partners Birthday and I was wallowing a bit because I couldn't see him but know that everyone in his troop looked after him, got him a pressie and a cake which was lovely. I ended up going up to have a bath with a large glass of wine and a magazine which cheered me up then he rang me unexpectedly late last night which was the first time we had managed to speak since he rang to say he'd arrived safely, hence me feeling much more positive today - yay!

He's also got internet access all sorted out so we are able to email too now which is fab, I'm sending him random emails and updates of life everyday just to try and keep him in the loop of what's going on my life back home and of course telling him how much I love and miss him as it's the truth!

Scary - the witching hour before bed is most definitely the most terse in this house hold too with the long evening talking to myself (not that I do that of course! ) It's mad too as my dad has always worked away with his job and I always swore that I wouldn't want to do that when I was a grown up but now I've met someone who is weirdly a lot like my dad and that's not just in a working away stakes. But, because it's him and I think he's more than worth it, it works well for us currently... just need to get past the next 9 weeks and all will be good.

Anyway, it's my mums birthday tonight so we are off out for some dinner (with my boys - so fingers crossed that they are good for me ) I shall no doubt be back soon for some more gossip and catch up with you all!

Hi Nessica - just wanted to say the foremans course is very hard going (DH did it a few years ago), so it may be a good thing you are still in your own place while he does that, instead of moving with him. Can you say where he is at the moment, as I may know him?! :)

Hi LeonardNimoy... Yeah we're expecting it to be very full on course and a lot of work for him, which for him to stay on camp down there Monday to Friday will be good for him to try and blitz through the work and then we can hope for some weekend time together (once you factor in both sets of children!).

He's currently based at Colerne but in sunnier climates at present!

Hello Ness. My DH just got back from 6 months away and feels like he has never been away if you get what I mean lol. It is hard when you are used to having someone around and I don't think it matters how little or how long they are away for it still sucks at times. Would like to say that my DH works away during week and comes home at weekends and it works really well for us. No guilt on his part for working late and I get some quiet time after I finish work and DS in bed. I also get to watch as much garbage on the TV as I like, have the girls round and read lots of trashy books lol. Hope the next 9 weeks fly by for you.