I may have signed up to this but my kids??

[wheresthepimms]

Ok so DS7 tried out for the school football team. He is a goalkeeper so played in goal. His team won, he made several good saves, the opposing goalkeeper let in 7 shots. 'X' the opposing goalkeeper has been the school goalkeeper for the last 2 years and he was picked for the team my DS left out. We consoled him and told him that maybe 'X' was having a bad day and there would be other teams.

So this morning talking to the other mums at school, the team won at the weekend then lost their second game, 'X' let in 10 goals. The mums were furious as all the kids had told them that my DS was a better goalkeeper and that he should have been picked. Even 'X' said so. One of the mums went in and asked the teacher in charge why my DS had not been picked and was told "he is a good player but he leaves in September as they are army and are moving. We thought it would be better to let 'X' keep his position so he would play next year and not be upset that he didn't make the team this year". The other mums are furious as if they had won they would have gone to play at a premier leagues ground and met the team.

So school would rather field a team that doesn't upset the locals than the best team. I signed up to move around and take the knocks but discriminating against my DS because of his dads job and the fact that he is moving is NOT on.

Ok rant over, just am so cross about this

Completely understandable and if I were you, I would in there telling the teacher my thoughts. That's really mean that your ds has missed out even having a turn in goal for a week or two. How silly of the school; they obviously really don't get it.

Well if it was me not getting a promotion at work (not that I go to work) because DH was in the forces then I would be straight to an equal opportunities hearing. Shame you can't do that with schools.

They have also broken your confidentiality by telling others that you are moving. The school have no right to mention this to another parent, especially as you may not have told your kids yet.

I would be having a discussion with the Head about pupil confidentiality, as that should be drummed into the staff that they do not, ever, discuss pupils with other parents.

Good point scary.

Scary they are actually incorrect and know it, DS is moving schools in September (off to school with the older 2DCs as he decided he wanted to go with them) and our youngest will go into their reception class, which they obviously know as the place has been accepted. So DS does know he is moving as it was his choice, but I am not sure he has told all his friends, as he needs to do a trial day at new school yet to see if he likes it. I am hoping he will hate it and decide not to go yet (very young to go as a yr3) but things like this just add more fuel to his arguments about how he needs a stable environment where he is treated equally with friends he can trust.

Also school knew that he has had a pretty rough year, changing school systems (we were overseas with no SCE school in our last posting), missing the older 2 so putting him on the team (even if only for 1 game) would have given him a boost he needs. Now starting to worry about DD going into reception knowing she is moving at the end of the school year and how they will treat her.

Think I will have a quiet word with his teacher tonight :)

Think you do need to have a word with the school, that is shocking, good luck, hope it goes well

well to top it all off picked DS up from school today and he was in floods of tears. He has bumped his head, everyone has been telling him how he should have been in the team and he was not allowed to do dodgeball as the club is full (letter for club sent out whilst we were skiing so he didn't get his form back in time). Way to go school kick a kid whilst their down

Spoke to teacher she said it was the head that made the call on the team and she thought it was unfair but as they had now been knocked out the competition what did it matter !!! I explained that it mattered as my DS was upset by all the other kids and mums comments about it (he was fine when he thought he wasn't good enough) and I was told I could take it up with the head if I wanted but it was probably not too good an idea to upset her given the DD has to go there next year and she is like an elephant if you prove her wrong on something. (great even the staff are afraid of her)

Even if the head does not like having her judgment questioned I still think that you should talk to her and make sure she knows how her decision has upset your son and how in the future she should think more carefully about the special needs of forces children and that incidences like this can really impact on a child's self esteem as well as their sense of belonging and being a valued member of the school community. I expect if you flick through the school prospectus you'll find a mission statement or something similar saying how all pupil's contributions are valued.
With regards to your DD in reception I wouldn't worry too much unless the head is also the class teacher. IME the head has very little to do with the reception class apart from being the person talking loudly but to whom noone is listening in the assembly hall.
My DD is only three and is already feeling the impact of being a "pad brat" because she is just old enough to start making really good friends but either they or us keep moving on. :(

Given the school should be getting extra funding for having Forces kids, the Head should be bending over backwards.

The point is the confidentiality, and that whatever the school knows about what is happening with your kids, they should not under any circumstances be discussing it with other parents as that is a breach of confidentiality and data protection for which they can be fined. Mentioning a complaint to the LEA and OFSTED about breaching your confidentiality and discussing safeguarding in this context may have an effect as well.

Added to this, haven't the security levels been raised and should the school be discussing your dh's employment with all and sundry, who could have various (hypothetical) axes to grind?

Scary yes they did get extra funding for him, after I told them he was entitled to it . Spoke again to the teacher today (he was very upset last night) and she said she understood and would mention to the head about the fact that the coach had discussed him with the other mums (confidentiality) but am willing to give them the learn by our mistakes excuse on this one and hope it doesn't happen again. He is the only forces kid there and the only one they have had in over 15 years of the head being there. So mentioned to the teacher that although DS is very proud to be an army brat that maybe not bringing too much attention to this with the other parents wouldn't go astray (security issues etc) and she went "oh yeah hadn't thought of that", although to be honest if you had an axe to grind round here you would go to the school with all the dads in uniform picking up at :)

Pimms - you need to complain directly to the Head about the breach of confidentiality. Had I done that I would have been reprimanded severely by my Head. Confidentiality is there for a very good reason, and if other children have backgrounds of abuse / family disputes etc, are these also being discussed by the staff with other parents? It is not on. Neither is it acceptable to hope that it won't happen again, because unless you complain and there is a reminder to staff about what they say, it will happen again, and next time there may be unpleasant repercussions for a child or family.

The Head need to know what her staff are doing, and they won't tell her.

Scary- nipped in today after school, spoke to head about the confidentiality issues (she went very ) and also the fact that she herself had been questioning my DS about when he would know whether he is off or not as they have a pupil waiting for his place. Yes I was very when he came home yesterday and said this, explained to head that we have made it very clear to him that the decision to go board or not is entirely his decision and only he can make that decision, there is no pressure and once he has done his trial day and night he will know if he wants to go or not and if it is not that is ok if it is yes that is ok but only he can make the decision. We have been really subtle about it all and for her to go put pressure on him to make the decision quickly as she wants his place for another child made him very worried about the whole decision, saying he has to go because otherwise the other child won't have a school etc.. Especially annoyed with head as I had spoken to his teacher about the same subject that morning and told her that once he had done his trial he would make his mind up in his own time and there was to be no pressure on him to do so quickly

Well to say that she was apologetic would be an understatement, I gave her strict instructions NOT to bring the subject up again and that if she did I would be going upwards on the complaint ladder. So think she may have got the issues now. I don't think she will mess with me again (well done MHS for not fixing my blocked since xmas toilet today and making me in the bad mood to confidently put her in her box). With her dealt with I then tackled MHS and also my tenant who hasn't paid the rent yet this month so think I am now due a big

Have a large , and well done you. I am for your ds about pressurising him about when he'll decide about school, that isn't on either. I'm glad you've tackled the confidentiality issue - the staff may engage their brains before opening their gobs now.

You could use dh's phrase when they next ask something....'I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you' and just walk off; always worked for me when someone asked where he was when he was at sea.