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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

so proud!

8 replies

Goodynuff · 06/05/2011 19:11

I was reluctant to have DH join the forces, with many justifiable worries. So far, it has been a good thing. Smile
Where he is now, has had major flooding. The leading news story today is about the forces helping with sand bagging, equipment, evacuation and such. Watching the reports, and seeing the gratitude from those who are being helped, is wonderful.
It is nice to see the good work being done, and knowing DH is a part of it. I wish he didn't have to be away so often, but this sort of thing makes it a lot easier.

OP posts:
clare565 · 06/05/2011 19:18

It's good to read a positive about the forces!!
I am serving and so is my DH and we love our jobs! First Baby due in 9 days so we will see if I still love it and if it gets in the way of family life!

X

Goodynuff · 06/05/2011 19:23

Congrats on your expanding family! It sounds very exciting Smile
We have 2 DCs, 14 and 12, and it is hard having DH away, but we manage. I think for us, the key is to be fully in the moment, not pining for what we don't have. He keeps busy, and so do we.
Plus when he comes home, it is a huge celebration Grin

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eirinn14 · 08/05/2011 21:47

Hi, saw your post and wondered if you would help me. My fiance is going through joining the Army at officer level atm and I have a lot of questions as to how it affects me (I know that sounds selfish - I'm not trying to be obstructive - I just want to know!) As you say I was wary at first but I've grown to be proud of him, especially considering the standard you have to be in order to join.
Basically...how often do they get sent away? Do you live on base and what's that like? Is it acceptable/easy for wives to work and what sort of jobs?
I know that probably seems a lot but he doesn't really know about that aspect of it and obviously I want to live with him, raise a family etc. I just want to know what I'm in for iyswim!
Thanks x

Goodynuff · 09/05/2011 14:03

eirinn14 Hiya Smile
My DH is in the Canadian Forces, he joined last year. It has been a big change, but one for the good. I hate having him gone so much, but it gets better over time, and you don't get to the rewards without going through the hard stuff first!
He has a lot of training going on, but once he is finished, we will be living together on a base. Right now, I am in our house with the kids, while he is on base, in another province.
I plan to start working again after we move, and most partners I know work.
Usually you are in one place for at least a few years, so it is possible to geta job. It helps to have something that you are doing for yourself while your partner is away.
Hope that helps Smile and hopefully someone with a lot more experience can come along with wise words!

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eirinn14 · 09/05/2011 20:45

Hi, thanks for getting back to me :)
I think what my dp has to do is one full year of training, then move to base for a few months after which I can join him. The regiments he's looking at are all based in Germany (we live in Scotland!) so that would be a big change but like you say, one for the good...I always wanted to travel :)
We had a long-distance ish relationship while we were at university so hopefully the separation thing won't be too bad. Does your dh get much time off or come home at weekends?
It's good to find someone who knows the answers...I don't want him to think I'm pestering him about myself when this is kind of his big moment but I'm the kind of person that needs to plan! :)

Goodynuff · 10/05/2011 01:33

I wouldn't consider myself the one with the answers Grin I am learning as I go.
I get to see DH about once every 4 weeks on average, but he is in a different province. He is in his first year, so lots of training and travel for him.
I like to be in control of things, so it has been quite an adjustment Smile I have learned not to plan more than 2 weeks in advance, because things can change quickly. Leave may be granted or revoked, course starts can be delayed, things are always changing!

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 10/05/2011 10:41

Eirinn - I've been a Naval wife for 25 years and a Forces brat before that. You can't make plans that are set in tablets of stone I'm afraid - you have to go with the flow and learn to be flexible.

For example, dh rang me one night - I said it sounded noisy and was there a Mess dinner (he was supposed to be in the Wardroom), and he said he was at Heathrow, off to Italy, would ring when he could, and didn't know when he'd be back in UK. He was given 2 hours notice of going. It meant rearranging my life for several weeks and going to things his family had planned 3.5 hours away with a small, but that's life.

Another time, he was sent to sea at very short notice one Christmas Eve, leaving me with a brand new range I didn't know how to work, plus his parents and grandma for Christmas. He wasn't back until well after the New Year, and no-one knew when they'd be back. He missed ds's birth as well as he was at sea; his grandma's 90th birthday celebrations (on duty elsewhere). You have to be adaptable and recognise that the job always, always comes first.

You will not be able to live on a base with him in Army accommodation unless you are married; you would have to rent privately.

The separation can be tough, one Lt-Cols wife I knew had done 8 moves in 12 years. You need to look further down the thread for advice from the Army wives; some will move around with their dh's every posting, some will choose to buy their own home and weekend, but weekending for long periods of time is tough - the longest we've done it for at one stretch was 4 years, and that was enough.

It can be tough, it can be lonely, but it's fun, and dh has had a great career. There's a good social life if you want it, and the opportunity to make lots of friends.

eirinn14 · 10/05/2011 12:39

I don't mind the moving and the changes - to be honest I've always sort of lived in fear of a boring life stuck in one place. The uncertainty and sudden moving doesn't sound ideal but I guess there are worse things that could happen and people seem to cope.
I suppose my plan at the moment would be to move around with him until we have kids (which we do want but I suppose you never know) then settle in one place. I guess its like anything, no matter how much people tell you you never know how you yourself will find it.
Thanks for the advice though :)

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