Complete Rubbish!

[GingerWrath]

DH is a grown up (21 years served) SNCO on his 8th detachment since we have been married (13 years) and has been made to attend a teach your Mum to suck eggs brief on reuniting with your wife today, when he had other more pressing jobs to do before packing tomorrow to leave for home on Sat.

I just despair....I hate this wing!

Know what you mean but perhaps they have a new approach and interesting issues that might make reuniting easier. And don't forget, it's all about setting an example so if the other guys/gals are going, then it woyuldn't be seen as fair, if your dh didn't.

I know you must feel frustated though.

i think you are very wrong, i'm afraid.

he needs to attend not just for his benefit, but for the benfit of his colleagues who may be on their first or second detachment. it's a new policy that's been in for a couple of years and was put in place because of the increase in mental health issues downstream from deployment.

often these don't rear their heads until 6 or 7 months later (and i'm sure i'm teaching you to suck eggs, being a lifer), and the process is designed to allow everyone on tour the opportunity to be briefed (and discuss their own experiences with each other in a relaxed environment) so that if any of them have any issues downstream they are more confident about discussing it with each other or the chain of command.

this policy is also being rolled out through the reservist community - a group of people who do not have the opportunity to bugger off for a few weeks post op tour leave and then reunite with people who know what they have expereinced, but will go back to life as a postie, a shop girl, a car manufacturer etc. it is absolutely vital that everyone knows the potential downside to active service and what to do if they suspect they or others are having a hard time dealing with life post deployment.

the fact that your dh has done this numerous times does NOT make him immune.

by sharing his experiences of returning from other op tours, he is an incredibly valuable member of this training.

i know you want to see him. but for the sake of his own mental health, and that of his fellow servicemen and women, you might want to have a rethink about your views.

apols for rant - hope you enjoy having him back safe and sound. long may he continue to be in robust mental health. fortunately the military are now recognising their responsibilities to service personnel in this regard. x

Must agree Madwoman, I think it is sometimes harder for both the 'experienced' ones and their families as we tend to expect things to be the same as when they came back previously. Just from the R&R periods we have had this time I can already see that coming back and adjusting is going to be very different and very hard this time for us all; this det really seems to have got to him in ways previous ones haven't; coupled with things changing in my life and our DS growing up I think we are going to have to work really hard and have incredible amounts of patience and understanding all round. Being off-base I miss the support available to other families and I regret that he didn't take this opportunity when he had it, it is horrible to be excited about reuniting but also dreading it.

In my own defense, my oh and the other lads arrived at their camp, checked their rifles into the armoury and never left for the entire tour. It could have just as easily been a routine Falklands detachment as they were never in any danger.

depends where they were, ginge. sometimes you don't have to be touting a rifle out in the sticks to be in danger. most of the boys and girls who suffer mh issues post deployment in our unit aren't out on the area, but still within danger of mortars etc. in fact the only injuries we've had have been to guys in camp.

and having spent some time in the falkands you can probably suffer from ptsd etc as a result of extreme boredom.

tbh, the relationship issues will be much the same - the spouse at home will have been a single parent for 4/6 mos, and will be in a routine. the deployed partner will have been in a totally different routine (whether that involved actual combat or not), so from that aspect it's not much different. his prior experience will still benefit the less experienced lads and lasses from that pov.

and it is really important that the experienced sncos take this stuff seriously. really important. because if they have a junior colleague who is having problems with his wife/ starting to lose concentration/ having difficulty reintegrating further down the line, it is imperative that he knows his superior is going to take him seriously and know the route to take for support. and not come out with the age old 'nah, mate, no worries here, been there, done that, pull up a sandbag, let me tell you all about the time we got bombed in kabul, i'm well hard, me. blew me leg off and i've never had a problem. ptsd's for pussies. what d'ya mean yer missis isn't talking to ya. give her a good seeing to and she'll come round' bollocks that's been way too prevalent for so many years.

not suggesting that's how your husband is at all but (even if he doesn't need the briefing himself) he needs to be there to show his support for his subordinates, and to his superiors. they need to know that they can trust him to do the right thing by his boys and girls too.

it might seem a bit over the top in this particular case (don't know where they've been) but it sends the message to everyone that their welfare is being taken care of. after every op tour, not just if they were injured/ under fire.

Believe me, this is the second tour he has done at the same place, the most danger he was in was crossing the road to get to the mess!

Penguin

I feel, for us, it is slightly frustrating as an extra delay. BUT I do see that by the very nature of the folk going through, none of them will ask for help. So I see that everyone must listen and be told to catch the ones that do need to do it.