Any tips for 'Mr Vice'?

[Chulita]

DH is newly promoted and has been told he's Mr Vice-ing it at the next Sgts mess do. Any ideas of what he should/shouldn't do? Any good jokes? Any tips? He's not really sure what on earth he's supposed to do other than 'entertain' people for a bit.
TIA

Going by the officer's mess, not sure if the same, but I don't actually know what Mr Vice does do?

Someone says "Mr Vice, The ladies" etc but that's not Mr Vice who says that.

Does Mr Vice just make sure everyone behaves?

Apparently he's supposed to entertain the masses while the top table goes to buy drinks but that's part of the problem, he doesn't really know what he's supposed to do!

My dh was Mr Vice a couple of weeks ago. All he had to do was say Grace and the toast and stand up and tell some jokes. Also the others there play tricks on whoever Mr Vice is. I think they hid his chair. Other jokes that I have heard about is feezing their food and drilling holes in his wine glass.

After speeches and so on, the top table retreat to the bar - then Mr Vice has to entertain the remaining members for 10 mins or so. I have seen some literally stand on the table wth a list of jokes and reel them off until everyone can go through to the bar. Something like Tim Vine with his oneliners!

He will have to say grace and he will also have to do the toasts normally Mess President says to who and then he will stand and say 'to the blah' and then everyone else says it. At the end he will have to entertain once the top table leaves and this is to give the senior members/guests chance to get a drink at the bar. The other SNCO's will try and stitch him up with all manner of things so that he gets fined bottles of port. Tell him to grab his name card as soon as he gets in, check his chair, never leave or move around the room once it's started and to behave and not be led astray by the more senior ones. Do not touch the silver even if one of the others tries very hard to get him to. The Mess President should go through what he needs to do beforehand but if I was him I would tell him to go ask now and not let on he's a bit nervous. Telling jokes is a good one but be careful not too offensive unless he knows there will be no other guests left in room or women who might find them to degratory.
When I did it I the mess pres forgot to tell everyone to charge thier glasses, she said her bit I stood to say mine and raised my glass and realised nothing in it, so shocked and nervous I just went 'oops' and sat down. I am not very good at standing up and doing that kind of thing at all. Got dragged onto a table to entertain but once they could see I had made an effort the regular clowns took over the entertainment! he'll enjoy it once it's over. Oh and tell him to get to the loo before the 10min warning and not to drink too much during meal.

Tell him to check E-Goat, ARRSE, etc for suggestions. If you just Google "Mr Vice" lots of relevent sites come up.

One suggestion I read is to take a water pistol with you and fire it at any hecklers!

Also tell him to be prepared to be booed/have food thrown at him.

Ah, the maturity of our fine fighting forces

I've just found this online. Read it and print it off for your DH as a reminder of how NOT to do "Mr Vice"

tell him to watch for fishing line on the cutlery (pulls chair out cutlery goes with it),flour in the napkin and don't be too surprised if he gets baby food for dinner, or a high chair etc etc

Is it a family and friends do? If so they tend to be a bit better behaved, if not tell him to be prepared for anything:

Fishing line on cutlery
Tables/chairs with legs partially sawed off
Holes drilled in wine glasses
Cabagges with bangers inserted - bangers set alight and cabbage rolled into the room like a bowling ball
Food tampered with - the link I put up earlier had a guy who had a dental anaesthetic in his food/drink which meant his lips/tongue went numb and he spent part of the meal dribbling!

And make sure he remembers to go to the loo before dinner!

Thanks everyone, it sounds like a ritual humiliation for the new boy

The water pistol thing sounds right up his street, brilliant idea! He'll just have to be on his best behaviour that night by the sounds of things.

happylander that must have been a bit