Saying goodbye to DH, going on Ops

[loubielou31]

DH is going this week, it's his first tour since we've known each other so it's all new to me. :( We're not sure what time of day he's likely to be leaving but expect it to be mid morning. DD1 is three, do I get her to say goodbye to Daddy before taking her to nursery as normal or keep her home so she can wave him off from the house properly?

One part of me wants to keep things as normal as possible but the other bit of me feels that she needs to wave bye so she understands a bit better that he's properly gone.
There is of course a very real risk that he might have to come back later in the day because his transport is a bit up in the air at the moment (bloody RAF changing the details last minute). Need some advice.

loubielou31 - no experience of this at all - DP not in forces or anything but wanted to give you some support. I've never been on this thread before, but your post really touched me. You forces families are so brave, I think, and deserve our respect and admiration. Can't imagine how difficult this all must be for you. Thinking of you, anyway, and hoping you get some good advice. Take care.

I would be inclined to keep things as normal as possible, as I am always a bit emotional just after DH goes, but my DD is only 9 months so haven't experienced this yet.

It really is tough when they first go, then you get used to it, then the last week is horrible, especially if they are delayed, then once they are back you return to normal pretty quickly and it's like they were never away!

loubielou31 - snap. Mine goes away this week too

I'd take her to nursery as usual but tell her that daddy wont be there when she gets back. I always keep the same routine going for my DCs(5,3 & 20mths - DH goes away a lot). They need consistency and stability more than anything else and it will also help you too. If he's delayed (and that's a real PITA - been there, done that)then you may have to go through the whole rigmarole again and/or get upset and that will only upset her.

Also, and for what it's worth, at 3 she'll probably only understand that daddy's at work and he'll be back in a few sleeps time. Explanations about length of time and what he'll be doing may only confuse her (and upset you) Keep it simple for her and keep your routine the same too if you can (but make sure you don't just stay at home all the time - you'll go mad )

take care - you'll be absolutely fine

All the exercises that he's been on recently have mostly meant he's left at 7ish, so we've got up to wave him off and then had a normal day. The timing now is a bit different which is why I don't know what is best.
I don't expect it will make much difference to her either way, she's quite matter of fact about "daddy going to work for a long time".

Iris - pants isn't it! And the disruption to family life in the last six months just adds to the stress of it all. At least once they've gone we can start counting down until they come back. :)

I hate the run up to DH going away too. But, as you say, once you can start your chuff chart off and get into your single parent groove it'll whizz by

I've always kept it as normal as possible (vagaries of Crab Air really don't help, though). So I'd be inclined to take her to nursery as usual - or if DH has time, have him to it as a "goodbye treat".

Then get as iris66 says, get into the lone parent mode. I always got loads of paper blueys for DCs to draw or "write" on, and these days the vastly improved accessibility to email really helps as well. Does your DD have any friends at nursery who also have a parent deploying? If so, then get together with the other families as much as you can (even if they wouldn't be your friends in other circumstances); it'll really help to keep things normal.

iris66, are you on a patch? The fax blueys look like they'll work really well, Children can draw or write on them but they get there much faster than traditional blueys. Also from my point of view our welfare team have organised loads to help the time pass faster.
Have you had to deal with DH not going when you thought he had and turning up again? How did you explain that to your DCs? Right now he's finishing off his packing although not actually been issued with body armour yet. Nothing like leaving things to the last minute!

Yes, we're on a patch loubielou - the fax blueys are really good

And yes, he's been delayed out (and back) more times than I care to mention. It's not a massive issue for the DC because we don't make a deal about him going. I find it really hard though - DH does too but it's just one of those things really isn't it.
Expectation management is key.

How are you getting on Loubie? DH was away for 6 months last year. Make sure you get in lots of good DVDs - 24, The Wire, etc! Helps pass the time in those lonely evenings.

Thanks for checking on me Rhinestone. The first week has not been too bad. He's been away doing so much pre tour training and even when working locally the hours have been so long that having the whole day with just me and the girls seems quite normal and the bed time routines etc, are already in place. I'm sure it will be in a couple of weeks time when obviously he's not back that the length of the tour will hit home.

My pre tour gift from DH was a freesat plus box so I can record what I want to watch. I know it's not especially romantic but I love it because at least there is always something I want to watch on the TV.

Right now I'm still catching up with all the chores that didn't get done whilst DH was on leave.

I found the 9.30 pm onwards slot the hardest. Had come home, maybe seen some mates, gone to Pilates or my athletics club and then had dinner and it was like, "Hmm, what shall I do with the rest of my evening."

Stay busy, watch lots of addictive TV, reward your self with a nice glass of wine or cup of tea.

Can you do a book club or something too? Anyway, take care and, "Keep Calm and Carry On!"

I have shown my DS little video clips of my DH from holidays and christmas etc. He loves watching these and he is only 15 months. DH been away for 5 months and 3 weeks. My DS will sometimes during the day look at our big family pic on the wall and blow his daddy kisses as this is what we do every night. Sometimes he looks at it and starts shouting, like he's cross with him....quite funny and sad at the same time.
Join Lovefilm as I have passed the time watching all manner of rubbish my DH wouldn't watch LOL. Thank god for internet
I have used the eblueys a lot to send pics of what DS has been up to and watch him grow. I have also found that it is quicker and easier for DH to view pics on facebook than send them to his email account and therefore leaving more of internet time to talk to me on MSN.
It feels like it has flown by now there is only 24 more days left. I'm going to have to defuzz now though LOL.

Eblueys are great!

Bet you're not far off counting the hours Happy! Godspeed to your DH.

Yep counting down
I do think OP that it is much easier once they have actually gone and this was my first time of DH going away for so long. The lead up is awful as you are just waiting for them to go. I am now having the joy of DH flights coming back being changed so far it is 4 times in the past two weeks! On the way out his flights changed but we had decided that once we had said goodbye that would be it and if he was delayed then he was to stay where he was. Far too emotional to keep saying goodbye in person.