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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

End of deployment

28 replies

Wysiwig · 24/02/2011 02:06

Does anyone know if this is true?

My sister's fiance (Army) has told her that when he gets in to Brize (from a spell overseas) that he has to go straight back to camp and is not allowed of camp for a further 24 hrs?

OP posts:

Snappedwife · 24/02/2011 02:18

Very probably true. Few are allowed straight home. They need to hand weapons in, Nato travel warrants etc etc

Scootergrrrl · 24/02/2011 02:53

Perfectly true, in my experience. It's a combination of admin time and a bit of decompression to ease them back into home life again. Plus they normally need some sleep before they set off to drive home to wherever! Why doesn't she believe him?

Original poster

Wysiwig · 24/02/2011 07:35

He will get home (actually in quarters) first thing in the morning. He is an officer and has been in the army many years. He has only been away for around 8 weeks (not afghan) so doubt he would need decompression. She is just desperate to see him thats all.

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MrsSnaplegs · 24/02/2011 07:49

Especially as an officer as he has to ensure his unit are ok on return or if traveling on his own he may have reports to file etc

MrsSnaplegs · 24/02/2011 07:52

How do they have a 1/4 if not yet married?

Scootergrrrl · 24/02/2011 08:07

We normally use the extra 24 hours to wax legs, have hair cut etc - it's part of the excitement of them coming home after time away. It's a completely normal thing after being away and can help make sure their head isn't still partly on tour, as it were, when they get back to their loved ones. Hope she enjoys having him home.

Original poster

Wysiwig · 24/02/2011 10:46

Mrs Snaplegs...THEY don't have a 1/4, HE does. Scooter...I don't see as it being an extra 24hrs as he will actually be in his 1/4 doing his normal washing/ironing/shopping as he says he will be doing. I find this odd that he doesn't bother to go and see her but can get on and do his normal chores. He has not had a hard time away (done very little by all accounts so he tells her) so doubt he really needs convalescence or whatever the army call it. I just see her not coping well with the time apart (she is fairly new to this way of life) maybe though that's the way military men behave, kinda detached? which it seems to me he is.

OP posts:

penguin73 · 24/02/2011 10:56

Ditto what Scooter says - this was brought in due to the amount of people getting back to camp, jumping in cars and driving home and having an accident through fatigue, lack of focus etc. Regardless of what he has been doing wherever he he has been the journey back can be horrendous and is pretty draining. IME the first 24 hours can be a pretty trying experience anyway as they try to get their heads around the fact that they are back to 'normality'. At the risk of sounding harsh she will have to learn to cope with him being away if they are to be married and he remain in the Army.

Grabaspoon · 24/02/2011 11:00

It can be anything upto 24 hours - as there are lots of different things going on that they will need to do.

When you say he has his own quarter do you mean he is in the block? or that he has his own quarter?

Original poster

Wysiwig · 24/02/2011 11:04

Grab..he has his own 1/4 on camp (aka house on civvy street).

Penguin..yes she will have to adapt, I guess those you are close to (my sis) you worry about them when you see them upset. I will be there for support.

Thanks for all your replies

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Grabaspoon · 24/02/2011 11:07

I got that it's just our quarters are easily accessible by civilians so fiances etc can visit.

MrsSnaplegs · 24/02/2011 11:49

Wysiwig - I guess he's in a surplus 1/4 then as single people don't normally get them unless they are very senior officers or they have kids with shared access. Sorry was a bit confused.

Scootergrrrl · 24/02/2011 12:05

The best thing tends to be to think of the deployment as finishing not when they get back into the country, but when they begin their leave. Has she found it hard having him away? Do they live far apart? I hope she finds it easier to cope as time goes on a six month tour is much harder than an eight week posting somewhere safe.

Grabaspoon · 24/02/2011 12:10

Totally agree Scooter - We are coming to the end of a 6 month deployment to Afghan and have been told that some of the guys are off to climb snowdon a week after they get home. Obviously leave doesn't start straight away but lets just say a few WAG's are not too impressed

LtEveDallas · 24/02/2011 12:27

Wherever he's been, time to do his own admin etc is essential.

He will have washing/ironing etc to do ready for monday and if he's been cooped up with others for 8 weeks (no single rooms on deployments/exercises) just the chance to relax, walk round naked, scratch his balls and sit in his pants watching the sport probably feels like heaven to him!

Maybe advise your sister to always add an extra day onto any time away, then she wont get disappointed when he doesnt rush straight back to her

Original poster

Wysiwig · 24/02/2011 13:45

Thanks ladies, I appreciate all your comments. I hope she gets used to it, not sure I could TBH. I think you must have to have a really strong relationship, incredibly secure to deal with this lifestyle. Her chap is divorced and has been in the army a long time, I don't think he really understands how hard it is for her, probably because he has been living like this so long.

One question...does absence make the heart grow fonder or does it make it easier to forget? Oh and one more (how cheeky) does love conquer all? Deary me..that Mr Darcy has got a lot to answer for!

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TalcAndTurnips · 24/02/2011 22:03

It sounds quite a contrast to a HM ship returning from deployment - they come alongside, faff about with a few hawsers and the brows and then march off into the waiting arms of their adoring families!

In Portsmouth, the returning ship often goes to anchor in the Solent the night before; you can see them sitting there - oh so near, but yet so far! Meeting the ship home, for me, ranks alongside some of the most wonderful and emotional life experiences - it's as if nothing else matters in the world that day. I am looking forward this very soon and I'm at that point of near spontaneous combustion, I'm so excited!

TalcAndTurnips · 25/02/2011 11:03

Oh yes - to answer your question Wysiwig , for me absence very much makes the heart grow fonder.

I am lucky to have a husband who is a good communicator; we email each other at every possible opportunity (even if it's just something trivial) and he uses his Sat-phone allowance to the max (hate that satellite delay - can't wait to have a conversation without talking over each other!).

We have survived getting on for three decades of frequent and often prolonged separation - I can honestly say I love him more each day. For us, love definitely conquers all!

Original poster

Wysiwig · 25/02/2011 20:33

TnT...what a lovely story. You are very lucky to have a husband that communicates, it is so important when you are separated for long periods. But communication is a two way thing, therefore you're a good communicator too:)

I, too believe that love can conquer all, and I am certainly not the conventionally romantic type. May the happy decades continue for you both. I hope my sis is as lucky:)

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TalcAndTurnips · 25/02/2011 23:27

Thank you Wysiwig for your kind words - I wish all the very best for your sister too; she will need strength and support sometimes, but it sounds as if she has all of that in you!

madwomanintheattic · 27/02/2011 15:58

ah, talc, but naval types have plenty of decompression time on that long sail home.

never rely on the plane getting back to brize on the day it's supposed to anyway.

TalcAndTurnips · 27/02/2011 16:42

madwoman - true, true; but they are still very much in 'operational' mode on that long sail, still very much in their 'blokey' men-together (or ladies of course) living/eating/sleeping at work mode. For them , it must be a very big adjustment in the blink of an eye; for me - well, I'm just getting my husband back and carrying on where we left off!

It has never been a problem for us as a couple and I acknowledge how lucky we are; but I do know that a lot of families find that readjustment phase very difficult - I can totally understand why.

madwomanintheattic · 27/02/2011 18:54

sometimes more difficult than the tour itself

TalcAndTurnips · 27/02/2011 19:40

I'm sure you're right madwoman - that's so sad.

Do you reckon in some circumstances it's reality just not living up to expectations? You build up this wonderful, heroic image of the other half when they're away - then they come home in all their farting, bollock-scratching glory and shatter the illusions.
In the same way, the returning partner has built up the image of domestic bliss and suffers a similar reality check...

(I know I'm being a bit flippant, but you get my drift )

madwomanintheattic · 28/02/2011 04:12

i'm not sure it's that tbh - it's more that the army (or whoever) expects the civilian spouse to be all-encompassingly competent at running a house/ car/ washing machine/ dealing with breakdowns/ accidents/ illnesses whilst under the stress of the serving partner being away, and then they come back. the house is running fine without them, and they feel like a spare part. a bit unwanted. of course, added to that there's the dcs that are a bit off with daddy (or mummy) because he's been away for so long, and the huge high of relief at being back together hits and subsides, and then everyone has to adjust back to very different roles. soldiers have to remember that little kids don't do as they are told, and wives have to remember that fixing the car (or calling the mechanic) is their husband's job. add in a little ptsd here and there...

the military is a funny place.

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