Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Flip

Original poster

MOD fines wife for taking too long to vacate home after husband leaves her

25 replies

lifeinagoldfishbowl · 04/12/2010 13:15

Just seen thison the daily mail website.

Apparently after her husband left her she overstayed in the mq for 18 days resulting in a fine! Which worked out at £8.68 a day!

OP posts:

purepurple · 04/12/2010 13:22

Cheaper than a hotel.
I think she had plenty of time to find somewhere else. The house went with his job. They split so she was no longer entitled to the house.

create · 04/12/2010 13:36

Where else was she going to live for £8.68 a day?

iTigress · 04/12/2010 13:38

Weird one. Surely he has to pay her enough to keep her in the style to which her and the kids have become accustomed, since it's him who had the affair? Maybe it's still going through the courts. I find it hardto believe she would be left surviving literally on jsa. I guess the Army own that house so it's not part of his income - does seem like a loophole that needs sorting.

I'm not shaking my fist in indignation like the DM want us to, but I do
think it's wrong - I also think it's not the final settlement though.

GypsyMoth · 04/12/2010 13:56

Er why didn't she go to one of te 2 mod owned stepping stones homes the army own precisely for this reason???

They are good places and got me and others rehoused quickly. She would have been well looked after in excellent accommodation. They are run by SsAFA and would make sure she got new furniture etc from her ex's regiment, British legion and womens section.

The help is there....... Why didn't she access it?

penguin73 · 04/12/2010 22:47

The house is her husband's entitlement which is lost as soon as he changes his marital status. And it isn't a fine, she has just been billed the rent that her husband would otherwise be paying from his salary and is no longer doing so. Although it sounds harsh the notice to evict is enforced strictly as many councils refuse to allocate housing until the family have been made 'homeless' by the MOD. Bless the Daily Mail, hate that 'paper' with a passion!

Sidge · 04/12/2010 23:17

She had 3 months to find elsewhere to live, and as ILoveTiffany has pointed out SSAFA are very supportive in helping families find housing, even paying rent for the first few months.

That's the flipside of Service Family Accommodation, it is linked to the serving person's status so she has no entitlement to live there.

It seems that the bulk of the money she then owed was for cleaning and rubbish removal - if she'd done that properly she'd have saved herself nearly a grand.

herbietea · 04/12/2010 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

onimolap · 04/12/2010 23:28

She'll look even more silly if someone points out not just that these are well known rules, but also that they apply to all who are no longer married to serving personnel. Does she really want more favourable treatment than a widow?

Scootergrrrl · 04/12/2010 23:30

I think she was silly to make a big thing of "always being immaculately turned out" and "rustling up dinner for 30 officers at short notice". Poor thing though.

loubielou31 · 06/12/2010 22:45

Numpty. Her husband is a rat but she has made herself look stupid in my opinion.

madwomanintheattic · 08/12/2010 23:48

the saddest part of that whole article is the line 'being an officer's wife was my life and i did't have the means to earn my own living'. i do feel sorry for her, but really, her children are 17 and 18 and even for her own interest she could have been studying and actually doing something other than dinner parties for the last 20 years. and if she hasn't, then she should be setting up her own entertaining business.

why do women in the twenty-first century still give up everything? i have posted about this military wife thing so many times (i think i'm quite boring about it on the blardy feminism board) and i know the status quo is still to follow yoiur man around the world and be at his (and the force's) beck and call until they no longer require your services, but, aaaarrrrgggghhhh. make sure you are (wo)man enough to be able to stand on your own two feet if you do get discarded. yes, he's a twat. but ffs, if your husband tells you he is offski and moves into the block (or into his 'blonde' (puh-lease dm) mistress's house) then get on the phone and prove how resourceful you are as a damn officer's wife. you can cope single-handedly for 6 months if they go on ops, but you decide to ring the daily mail instead of ssafa if he leaves you for 93 days?

everyone knows you get 3 months. everyone knows ssafa/ stepping stones are your first port of call.

why would you call the daily mail? why?

of course, i knwo why. i know she's devastated her marriage is over. i know she wants to rub his nose in it. i know she's angry with the army. i know she's pissed that the (female) boss of her husband is unable to affect her xh's career. and she's furious with herself for giving him everything and expecting an ounce of loyalty in return.

poor woman. poor poor woman.

but leave the dm out of it, and get on the blower to ssafa. you know the drill.

ben5 · 08/12/2010 23:56

most people know you have 3 months to move out. if her family are happy to help out at the last minute why didn't they do it sooner?
why didn't she go to the HIVE?

scaryteacher · 09/12/2010 08:46

I didn't know that you had 3 months to move out after a separation, but this is the first SFA I've lived in since I was 7, so I can be excused.

I think she's sad though - I've been an officers wife for 24 years, and if he wanted me to throw a dinner for 30 at an hours notice, I'd have to send him out to buy china and cutlery. As to the immaculate bit - that's for when I go out, I live in jeans, fleeces and deck shoes now I'm not teaching.

It must be difficult for Army wives though, I would have found it difficult to have down a meaningful career with the moves that they seem to do. At least being RN we can stay in one place for longer (or make the bugger weekend).

madwomanintheattic · 09/12/2010 21:56

it's bloody impossible, scary. but not being able to create a meaningful career doesn't mean you hand over all volition and sit and wait for someone else to come and rescue you when your husband decides to move out. army wives usually pride themselves on their resilience and flexibility. moving next week dear? yes, that's fine. call ssafa or the hive in the next 93 days - ooo, no. i'll just sit here until my time is up and then call the dm.

that said, i'd love to sit down with her for a cup of tea and a chat - it may be that she's doing it quite deliberately to bring attention to the plight of military (ex) spouses in this situation - i don't believe it should be the mod who bends over backwards and accomodates, but i do believe the system regarding marital breakdown and social housing needs to be clarified and publicised, particularly when wives find themselves overseas with an errant spouse. the policys are all in place, but maybe there is room for improvement in the flow of information for wives in this position. i assume the welfare officer visited her at home when her husband moved into the block and declared himself single. i'm assuming he passed on all the details of agencies that were able to offer advice and help, and i assume he continued to offer assistance to her.

if not, he is the one that should be hounded in the press for not doing his job, rather than a vague slagging off of the mod.

madwomanintheattic · 09/12/2010 21:57

but yeah, talk about backfire - all that will come of this is a massive hike in the cost of sfa, when the dm readership realises how cheap it is

fulltimeworkingmum · 11/12/2010 22:00

You know the Rules...93 days

onimolap · 11/12/2010 22:08

93 days from when the spouse changesxtheir status officially to "separated" - in practice, there's also "cooling off / do you really mean it" time from when s/he moves back into the mess until the status change is officially made. And in practice, they bend over backwards to avoid evicting families (and making them homeless), all that happens at 93 days is that resonsibility for the rent moves from the serving spouse to the occupant of the property.

BTW: I don't see why being an officer's wife precludes working - or did I just dream what I did for 18 years?

gemmummy · 11/12/2010 22:16

hmmm, is it just me or am i misreading this? She was not an Officers Wife, she was a SNCO's wife? Not that it makes a difference.

fulltimeworkingmum · 11/12/2010 22:19

Some people have a very outdated view of officer's wives. I have worked full time from age 21. We have 2 children - I had 6 months off with the first and 3 with the second ( he was 6 weeks old when I returned to work)
A lot of my friends are in the same position as me - whilst they support their husbands, they know that they could support themselves and their children if the need arose.

onimolap · 11/12/2010 22:24

Think I got muddled with scaryteacher's post - my apologies. But Army wives can and do work.

refmum · 11/01/2011 14:57

Hi,

I am separated from my husband,we are in the "cooling off" stage,i have registered with council for social housing and am looking for homes to rent,i am having difficulty finding landlords that will accept housing benefit,i am scared that we will end up on the streets

onimolap · 15/01/2011 14:53

Refmum: I am so sorry. Have you been in touch with SSAFA?

refmum · 15/01/2011 18:45

I have thanks ominolap,sorry i posted this message on wrong thread,was meant to start my own thread! new to this!

I have contacted SSAFA. X

refmum · 15/01/2011 18:51

OMINOLAP,i really liked reading your above post by the way,when you said about the forces bending over backwards to avoid evicting families,very reassuring for me to read that right now

onimolap · 15/01/2011 19:01

The downside of that is that you have to take on the rent after 93 days (find out now how much that would be). You will also be charmingly classed as an irregular occupant - they'll only evict you if a) there's huge demand for quarters in your location and/or b) you don't keep up with the rent.

They will however keep on at you as they will be expecting you to leave, so I hope you can find an alternative without having to be evicted (sometimes it's the only way, as you may not be a priority for other providers if you have a roof over your head).

BTW: don't overlook the Padre as a source of support. You don't have to be religious, and the good ones are very helpful and supportive.

Flip