DS told me he's 'Sad at Daddy'...

[TheVeryLazyLadybirdPlus1]

DH has been away for 5weeks now, DS (3.3), always says goodnight to Daddy when he goes to bed.
Tonight he said night night and then started crying, I asked him what he was crying for and he said 'I'm just sad at Daddy.' I asked why and he wailed 'Cos he's gone!'

Yesterday morning he was playing and then just started crying and shouting 'Daddy!'.

Its the first time DH has done a tour since DS was born and I just feel totally out of my depth.

We've told him that Daddy has to go and help people and he'll be away for a long time but he'll come home as soon as he can.

What do you tell your DC?
Anyone got any tips for helping them through it?
Its only been 5 weeks, got another 5 and a bit months to go!

Wish I knew the 'right' thing to tell him

My DDs are 9 and 12 now but have been used to Daddy going away since they were tiny.

We always do a countdown chart. My 12yo no longer joins in but my 9yo still likes to do it. We have a few hours of making the chart with lots of cutting out and sticking of pictures and photos to do with what lies ahead. So for example if its one of their birthdays during the deployment they will mark with a photo of last years birthday cake or a cut out pic of a wrapped gift onto the correct day on the chart. At the very end of the chart is a photo of Daddy. The chart is usually stuck on our fridge but one year it was too big so ended up on the kitchen wall. Every day the girls would tick off another completed day.

I felt this helped when they were younger to realise how long, a long time was. They could see that Daddy would not be home until after so in so's birthday and after easter and after the school trip to xyz etc etc.

Eblueys are great but my DH tells me theres nothing like getting a proper bluey - so I used to grab a pile from the post office and get the girls to draw a picture of what they had done that day. I would then write underneath "Today we went to the Park and fed the ducks" etc etc. As they got older they began to write their own letters.

I am not sure how it is arranged but there is something set up for deployed personnel to record some bedtime stories that can then be played to the child left at home. I am not sure whether this is supposed to be done before they deploy or not. Cannot recall where I have seen it now. Someone else may be able to tell you more about it.

Hope this helps and the time flies by for you.

Yes - we did the bedtime recorded stories - took ages to come in the post but it was only just taking off. Get him to do more than one though as it's a bit boring after a while with only one!

I'm so glad I started this thread!
There's a lot of points I just didn't consider.

DH has talked about taking a post at our other camp 40miles away and commuting when he gets back.
He used to commute each week before we got married, I don't think I could do that again, nevermind put DS through it.
It takes its toll on everyone doesn't it?

I'm quite surprised at the amount of military wives/ personnel on here, didn't realise there were so many, the 'forces sweethearts' section always seems to be so quiet!

From the other side of the coin as a mum who has had to do the time away and the weekly commute any contact is precious, I hated the weekly commute as I felt I missed as much as if I was deployed. By the time I got home exhausted on a Friday it seemed to be time to leave again. I would rather work late if needed in week but still go home at night to be with my family. Also DD really suffers with sleep issues even now at 5 if I am away she often ends up in with DH then when I am back is awake 3-4 times a night checking I'm still there

Hi, I bought some glow in the dark stars and put some above our sons bed and sent some from our son to my husband and tell him he is sleeping under the same stars as his daddy every night and that daddy is thinking of him. My husband has put his stars up LOL. Our son is only a year old and has no sodding idea what I'm going on about but it makes me and my husband feel better

We are coping ok most of the time but I am also very concerned about getting through family Christmas with a young teenager and emotional nan who will constantly (though unintentionally) refer to how sad it that DH is away and how pointless the war in Afghanistan is...any tips?!!!!(other than get very drunk!)

MrsS, I really admire you, That must be so hard?
Its hard being the parent left behind but, I can't even imagine what its like being the one who's doing the 'going away'...

I've asked DH how he feels when he leaves us but he's the 'strong and silent' type, not so fussed on talking about feelings!

Thats really sweet Collie, you wait til he's older and he's wanting to camp out in the garden 'under the stars like Daddy!'

penguin - getting drunk is the best option !
mrssnaplegs - we have exactly the same probs with sleep with both dcs as you. It drives me insane. At least now though, DS knows there's not enough room in the bed for him too if he comes in at the weekend!
DD lies there wittling about daddy not being here every night until about 11pm. It's awful when they worry and don't sleep :(

Saw a fab idea in fareham and Gosport newspaper tonight. Naval wife and mum with own business - website is loveminimine
Maybe worth a look!

great idea - went on the site to order 2 and it all seemed fine until it said Paypal wouldn't process it!
Will call them tomorrow though because I found a great photo of DH is uniform that the kids will love seeing every night as they fall asleep.
Thanks mrssnaplegs :)

Oh aren't they good!?
What a great idea!

They looked great in the newspaper article and she started making them for her own children when her DH was away, she is ex serving as well! Someone may want to point her on the direction of this thread !!

I'm about to ring her and ask why it wouldn't go through. DS is oging to love hi but DD said she was too big for all that and photos would do!

Vintage - did you get through?

Nope - I left a voicemail and I wrote a contact email last night when the payment bodged up.
I hope she gets back to me though :(

How strange... Hope you hear from her soon.

Welfare posted some photos of DHs squadron yesterday, I copied a lovely photo of DH and used it as the background on laptop. Turned the laptop on this morning and DSs face just lit up! Was such a lovely thing to see, made me wish I had more photos to show him though!

Think it really did DS good to be able to see DH, see what he's doing and where he is.
Good day had by us today!

vintage - she may be busy after the newspaper article

Ladybird - nice to see that spontaneous smile when children see something they truly love! Hope things are ok for you

Glad you had a good day ladybird.
Think I might see if there's a company that prints pictures onto pillow cases instead.

Okay - so the lovely lady who devised the loveminimine dolls called me and said I could send a cheque and photo by email. Sorted.

vintage - great news, you will have to let us know what they are like!

I only ordered one as dd said she was too old for that sort of thing! I'm certain she'll want one once she sees ds'.