11 month old very fussy with food and just wants breast

[Inthewood]

She'll eat yoghurt, avocado, broccoli, sometimes bread, but generally seems to want to use milk as her main food. I've tried cutting it down, thinking if she's hungry she'll eat..but she just will then wake frequently during the night to get the calories she needs, I'm thinking. Any suggestions? Really irritating making some food and her clamping her little mouth shut.

Sometimes she'll venture into eating other stuff; she used to eat all sorts.

Can you give her finger foods?

I would try not to feed her for a night (at that age she doesn't need to be fed at night) and then offer her just solids the next day (obviously still offering her a pint of milk). Actually, I would try it for 2 or 3 days, can't really tell after 1 day.

Yes, some. Bread, cheese, broccoli, boiled potato. She won't have 'complicated' stuff like a fishcake. The last thing I want is a finicky eater, and I know I shouldn't turn it into an issue with her. Do you think it;s an independence assertion thing?

sorry, didn't read others...thank you. Thanks fredly, I'll try that for 3 days. I'll try!

I tend to cook for real for my 11mths. The only finger food she has is bread or brioche. I prefer it that way, IMO a good veggie soup is better nutritionally speaking than sticks of veggies, and tastier too. It also means that she eats good stuff that she couldn't otherwise, like herbs, spices, garlic, onions...

yes, fredly, I try to cook for real too. I totally agree it is better nutritionally. She'll have some veg soup, but not spag bol or fish...she used to. I would prefer to give her stuff mostly off the spoon.. i think it is in part defiance! I've tried letting her feed herself but it goes everywhere, doesn't it? Maybe I could buy a pathology tent and leave her to it..

if she used to have a more varied diet and seemed to like it maybe there's something else ? Has she changed her nap routine or has anything else changed in her routine that could affect her appetite ? when did she start refusing things she used to eat ?

My 16 month old is currently the same.

My 3 year old used to be like this too. Breakthrough with the 3 year old happened about 6-12 months ago when her language and communication developed, and I could barter (e.g. eat 4 mouthfuls of that and you can have a biscuit afterwards). She now eats a reasonable range of things. Will employ the same techniques with fussy ds when he gets a little older.

basically, I wouldn't worry about it at this stage. She'll come to no harm.

Address the issue more forcibly when she is old enough for negotiation.

Thanks, hmc. This is also bound up with the sleeping issue - I'm too scared of a fortnight getting no sleep at all to let her cry without being breastfed. She'll start in the cot, then end up with me because I cannot seem to stick to my guns. Hate the crying. Possibly because I am miserable about her dad's absence and nastiness, but that's another story. Need to become more disciplined.

handlemecarefully, I agree there's no need to worry yet but it's better to try and make them accept a good variety of foods before you have to resort to bribery .

Inthewood, do you have your parents or in-laws nearby?

I saw this happen on The Baby Whisperer once and basically the mum left the house for a couple of nights while her mum and dh managed the baby for the night, just trying to settle her back to sleep every time she cried, because she too was having her breastfeeds at night and not eating in the day. It really helped that the mother wasn't there for that transition period.

Thanks, Saadia. Mum is nearby but not so helpful, bless her. DD's father said he'd do exactly what you've just suggested. And then when he was upset with the crying climbed into her cot with her and broke it. "I thought it'd take my weight". Stupid man. Anyway, thanks, but I guess I just have to bite the bullet. It's all a bit much at the moment. Single parenthood, ok, because although we only recenly split, he's always been useless and horrid and I've been on my own since the beginning..he's not lived with us etc....all a bit much at the mo

Really sorry to hear that Inthewood (he actually climbed into the cot .

11 months is still quite young, I think my ds1 was just like your dd at that age - breastfeeding a lot at night and not eating much in the day. So I started giving him Ready Brek at night before bed to make up for it, and the night feeds gradually stopped. I gave it plain but then started adding jam to it and then peanut butter and jam, just to increase the calories.

However, now aged three and a half he still doesn't eat much during the day - just has a small appetite.

Ds2 is now 17mths and also at the food refusal phase so I can totally relate to your frustration and irritation.

Hope things improve for you - does sound like your much better off without him.

Thank you, Saadia, very much. That's a great idea! She used to love baby rice, perhaps I'll try that tonight before bed. Yes, better off without him. With hindsight, when we met, I thought, what a lovely man, if only he had someone to help him (in amongst my starting and stopping training to be a psychotherapist!). Next time, if there is a next time, please God, I will find a happy, kind man. Dd is asleep on me now, was crying (a tooth, methinks). Oh, gosh. I must learn how to take everything one day at a time. Thank you.

Your milk is so nutritious there is not a whole lot else they need at this stage - I think health visitors get us all a bit worried about getting them on 3 meals a day but it's not necessary yet. The other thing I have heard from friends is that their allergic children have been less keen to start solids and seem to automatically protect themselves by not eating the foods that would upset them. Allergies can sometimes be grown out of if the foods are avoided for a while.

Sorry you have a lot on your plate. Sleeping with your daughter seems like a nice thing for both of you if you are having a hard time right now. Don't forget to eat loads yourself if your daughter is using you for her main source of calories!

Thank you, franny. Eating lots, yes. Could do with losing a half a stone, but I guess the body reserves fat to make the milk. What a clever system. Ideally I'd like to run away and scream for a good while and then find some lovely maternal figure to cuddle me and tell me everything will be alright.

Inthewood, it sounds like the last thing you need is food agenda angst! My DD was a very slow starter on the food front and always loved b/feeding. I found the easiest way to press her food buttons was to slightly vary the content of foods she did like (past tense? this still happens!) so that she was comfortable with what she was eating but I knew she was getting a good vitamin balance. Also gets her used to the idea of variety being good, even if on a reduced scale. The ready brek approach I suppose! But I found it was effective with scones and pancakes with veg and cheese baked in. If you have enough time and the inclination, you could make different breads for her?

She sounds just a bit risk averse in the food department; take it gently!

This is meant kindly, but really do not worry about the food issue - it will right itself in time (it has with my 3 year old who has become moderately more ambitious on the food front), and from experience there is precious little you can do to make baby / young toddler eat foods that they don't wont to try.

Food fadism is commonplace, affecting over 50% of children this age (I remember reading this in Toddler Taming, and in various places when doing a web search). Just keep offering a variety of food, but do not get demoralised if she turns it down. Again, the advice is that small children will reject a particular food sometimes 10 or 20 times before they deign to try it.

Don't fanny around cooking Annabel Karmel recipes purely for her, cook for both of you. That way if she refuses her dinner you don't feel that it has been a complete waste of effort - because at least you have enjoyed the fruits of your labour!

It may not be too much breast milk which is putting her off food - just a general suspiscion of food which many small children share.

I think this issue is looming larger for you because you are a single mum struggling to cope with a small baby. It must be extremely hard - I found babies a trial even with the input of my husband, so can imagine the stress and exhaustion when you are battling on solo. I hope that you have some good friends around you for support.

fredly said: "agree there's no need to worry yet but it's better to try and make them accept a good variety of foods before you have to resort to bribery"

Fredly - just to clarify, I am not saying you shouldn't keep on offering them a variety of foods, - you should - but just not to worry when they invariably refuse a good proportion of it. Also, you can't "make them accept" it - you can only offer it. Then you are in the lap of the gods as to whether they will eat it or wear it in their hair!

and a further post script - 'negotiation' (I prefer that word to bribery!) is a very effective tool with older pre-schoolers.

and a

just to show that I am not being arsey !

hmc, I didn't think you were being arsey at all! I found what you had to say very reassuring. Yes, this is all looming larger because I'm struggling at the moment. Think it's delayed shock from just how awful dd's father has been to me. I've always tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but actually he has been utterly horrible and intermittently passable. I'm shaking because I'm finally admitting that he actually frightens me, and I suppose there's a sense of relief somewhere that I don't need to take it. It's often so manipulative when people are nasty, isn't it? I've been stupid and he is chaotic, very damaged and a bully. I will try to just get through the days one at a time, and perhaps see if someone else will be with me when I hand dd over on Saturdays. Or go to Caffe Uno, my home from home, where he can't shout too loud. Thanks for all of your kindnesses.

inthewood, how are you getting on ?