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Simple recipe recommendations please.

36 replies

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 10:39

My friend is a carer for his disabled mother, with whom he lives.

He is desperately trying to lose weight, but is struggling against his mother's issues with food. She is severely over weight but refuses to recognise it and seems to deliberately sabotage my friend's attempts to eat healthily.

He now insists on cooking for himself most days during the week (his mother won't eat what he cooks), but the problem is that she will not let him keep any of his food in her fridge. He has some storage for dry goods and tins, but nowhere to keep left overs, or food that he has not cooked. There is nowhere that he can put another fridge for himself- no room in his bedroom and his mother will not permit one elsewhere in the house. He is able to go to the supermarket every day to buy fresh food, but going to a butcher or independent grocers is too much of a journey to do every day.

This presents a problem with lots of dishes- for example he cannot do something like a chicken stir-fry, because supermarkets only sell chicken breasts in packs of two, and with no fridge space, one would be wasted.

So suggestions please- for easy to cook, healthy dishes for one person that require no cold storage space.

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Chil1234 · 21/06/2010 10:49

This is a serious relationship problem, isn't it - more than a food problem? If your (presumably grown up) friend cares for and lives with a woman who bullies him so badly that she turns her nose up at his food and doesn't allow him any room in the fridge, I'd say he's got bigger problems than a few spare lbs.

The dish I would recommend in all seriousness therefore is 'Some Balls'... because until he finds them, he's not going to get anywhere.

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:00

It is a serious relationship problem, but his father only recently died, so he does not feel that he can challenge her too strongly at the moment.

The food issue is the only aspect of his life that she is able to control, so she does. He has his work and his friends, and is able to do as he likes in that respect.

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Chil1234 · 21/06/2010 11:12

I think she's taking advantage of the recent bereavement and needs challenging urgently. Controlling food is so fundamental.... like denying someone water. Possibly, she's worried that if he gets slimmer and more attractive, some nice woman will steal him from her.... weirder things have happened.

I'm sure someone else will come along with answers to your original question but, if that were my friend, I'd be tempted to invite myself round to his house, take a big greek salad and share it with him right in front of the miserable old bat.

oiteach · 21/06/2010 11:16

I think it is fairly impossible to cook without having any leftovers or storing excess ingredients.
So agree with the others that this is a relationship issue, not a find a recipe issue.

Short term though, what does she eat? Because he could then cook low fat/healthy versions of those meals to allow them both to eat together. He needs to watch his portion sizes as well.
If he exercises as well as improving his diet then there is no reason why he shouldn't lose weight.

PrettyFeckinVacant · 21/06/2010 11:20

Some nice, but healthy, recipes HERE

It does sound like he needs to be stronger with her though. He is a grown man, no??

luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:21

Ditto what Chiil234 says about her controlling him staying bigger.

Could he not sit her down and explain what would make him happy and it would be to eat healthier meals. Why dosn't he suggest they go together to the supermarket (unless she can't leave house) and plan some menus together at home etc. If he involves her, rather than taking over the cooking for her, she'll hopefully see it as something nice they can share an interest in.

He'll have to be assertive with her though or she'll conitnue to take advantage.
Why doesn't he say something like "why don't you choose the weekend meals mum and I'll take care of the week days"
There's got to be give and take.
Perhaps he can chat to her about what things she used to like eating when she was younger/chat through her old recipe books etc/get her to help (if possible) bake a cake to sell at a local cahrity stall or something. I think getting her involved in good food (as you do children), culd change her attitutde towards it.

luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:22

If he's able to afford it in the short term, why doesn't he buy a ready meal (weight watchers) for a couple of weeks until he's sorted out the relationship a bit. They're nutritionally balanced and if he keeps some fresh veg in a cupboard somewhere, he can add to that too.

luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:23

what sort of food does the mother eat at the moment Thistle?

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:23

There is quite possibly something of that Chil - although mixed in with the opposite too, as she refuses to accept that him being gay is anything other than a phase he is going through.

Any good suggestions for the food issue would be much appreciated. I cook lots and invent recipes from scratch but am finding it really hard to make suggestions, as virtually all supermarket portions of meat/ fish are more than is needed for one meal.

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Jux · 21/06/2010 11:26

You can get tiny fridges which would hold a couple of chicken breasts and some veg - enough for one or two days, plus a carton of milk. There must be somewhere he could put a really small one. They're about a foot high, 6ins wide and maybe 4ins deep. Could probably hide it under his bed

But basically agree with Chil1234

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:32

lucie - she is very much a standard meat and two veg person. In fact her menu hardly varies:

Sunday - roast
Monday - cold roast
Tuesday - shepherd's pie
Wed - chops
Thu - pie
Friday - fish (battered)
Saturday - liver and bacon

If he cooks something for himself such as pasta or a bean stew she always comments that it is 'not a proper meal'.

He does eat with her and his two elder brothers (also both unmarried) on a Sunday, but she will not try anything he cooks during the week.

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Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:36

Thanks for the link PFV- there are plenty of substantial salad suggestions there to which he could add tinned tuna to make it a main meal.

The small fridge idea is a good one Jux. I will suggest that.

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taffetacat · 21/06/2010 11:38

Does he have access to cooking facilities and/or fridge/microwave at work? For the short term, could he do anything there? ie have his big meal at lunchtime away from her disapproval and then just have a small snack in the evening like crackers/salad/ham/cheese or similar.

What does he do for lunch now? What are his finances like? Can he stretch to an Innocent veg pot or a Leon or similar healthy filling salad based meal?

The innocent veg pots are brilliantly healthy, low fat, tasty, microwaveable and filling. If he's a big guy and its not enough, maybe supplement with a granary roll and low fat yoghurt and fruit?

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:40

I might buy him a copy of the Toxic Parents book, as every time he tries to stand up to her bullying him over food, or ignoring his wishes about anything that happens in the house, there are just floods of tears, and she then ignores him anyway.

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:41

I don't why that list is THAT unhealthy. Roast - fine
Pie - not great you could have a small portion
liver and bacon - liver is really good for you and full of iron
fish - at least it's fish
Shepherds' pie - he could use Quorn rather than bef/lamb mince.

I'm sure that if they are overweight, it's more a case of large portions than what they actually eat or lack of exercise perhaps?

Having to hide a fridge under the bed isn't ideal or right for a grown man.

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:42

taffeta- he works from home, and is only away from home about a week a month, so unfortunately that would not work. His budget is also very limited.

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Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:45

Luciemule- it is the portion size that is the problem, and also that everything she cooks is swimming in fat.

For example- last weekend his brothers could not come for Sunday lunch, but she insisted on cooking the same portions, including things that he said he would not want to eat, and then was in tears by the end of the meal because he was refusing to eat his brothers' portions.

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taffetacat · 21/06/2010 11:46

Oh dear, that no good then. Luciemule's point is a good one, not all the meals his mother is cooking are awful, it may be a case of portion control and not eating parts of it, ie just the pie filling, not the pastry, just having a little, bulking it out with lots of extra veggies. Presumably she cooks veggies with it and wouldn't object to a few more going into the pan?

Tell him to drink 2 large glasses of water before he serves himself.

luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:51

So she was getting upset because he wouldn't eat his brothers' portions- I don't mean to be rude but the relationship sounds to me like she's emotionally abusive to him.

Can I ask how she is disabled? She can obviously stand and cook and so I'm wondering out of interest why he lives with her and is her carer?

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 11:52

The reason that he has stopped eating with her is that every meal turns into a battle of her trying to serve him large portions, and him trying to avoid eating them. It has been easier for him just to eat the extra food than to put up with her tears and reproaches when he refuses, but he is now determined to lose quite a bit of weight (about 6 stone), so needs to be in a situation where there is no option for him to eat extra food.

He is also trying to follow a GI diet so that he feels fuller for longer, and can re-educate his brain to eat smaller portions.

Perhaps I should re-post on the weightloss thread.

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 11:57

You could do but can't you see that there is so much emotional stuff they both need to sort through as well and no amount of dieting will be successful if he's not happy.

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 12:01

luciemule- perhaps 'carer' and 'disabled' are too strong; I should have been more careful using them. Her problem is that she is vastly overweight and suffers from elephantitis (sp?) in her legs, so she cannot walk more than a few yards. He has to do her shopping, take her to the Dr, sometimes help her climb the stairs, and do things around the house such as cleaning and putting the bins out.

In all honesty he probably does not need to live with her, but he moved in when his father was ill and needed nursing care, and his finances are not good enough for him to move out at the moment.

He works in a highly skilled and highly specialist area, which unfortunately does not pay very well.

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 12:09

Could he ask for help/does he get a carer's allowance etc or get other carers to come in and help him share the support?

Thistledew · 21/06/2010 12:12

I don't think that they would qualify- she is able to wash and bathe herself, and obviously can cook, so the housework and shopping is no more than he would do for himself.

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luciemule · 21/06/2010 12:17

How old is he?