3 yr old who won't eat

[scshaw]

I have a dd who is coming up to 4. She has always been a fussy eater and has been aneamic in the past due to this. She now eating fewer and fewer foods(would eat bananas and pears now wont etc). She is now refusing to come to the table at teatime(i dont like that being a favourite phrase before she's even seen the meal), if I make her come the table she winges, whines and sometimes has tantrums which makes the meal unpleasant for the rest of us and she still doesnt eat.
She is now very pale which males me think she may be aneamic again(I have a drs appt for later in the week) and I ahve been watching her weight which if my scales are right has dropped over the last couple of months.

I am now at the end of my tether and dont know what to do to get her to eat more

It does sound as though she might benefit from referral to a child psychologist to help you overcome the problem. What would happen if you didn't ask her to eat? Would she voluntarily go the whole day without any food at all? Or would she eventually get hungry and at least try the food you're offering?

Do you have other children... and do they eat normally or are they fussy? Do you ever have little friends round to play.... sometimes fussy eaters will join in if other children are having a good time and tucking in.

The part to really get help with is the tantrums.... and the unpleasant atmosphere around eating. It's very important to de-stress the situation and take the pressure off - lots of praise instead if they do anything at all positive. Otherwise, I believe, children who associate 'eating' with 'control' and 'stress' are big candidates for disordered eating behaviour in later life. Good luck

Sounds like my dd1. It helps her if there is no pressure, i.e. Party style food and everyone just helps themselves, rather than being confronted with whole plate of food.

You could even invite some friends over and have a teddy bear picnic on the carpet.

Other things I do is allow her to chooose her own meals, even though this often means that she will live off cheesy pasta or pancakes and little else for weeks at a time.

She likes cooking and has a little crush on Jamie Oliver, so we regularly bake cakes etc from his books.

Try your best not to shout at her/beg her to eat etc. The more you push her to eat the more she will refuse. I know this bit is easier said than done.

A refferal would be a good idea, but make sure you are reffered to a pyschologist and not a nutrtionist like we were. It's all well and good having some one telling you that sausges will provide your child with calories a plenty, but no use at all when they won't eat.

Unfortunately dd1 is 6 now and has picked up on the healthy eating and obesity obession and is more controlling than ever wrt to her food, because she doesn't want to get fat. We are awaiting an appointment with CAHMS to deal with this and other issues. So it's best to be dealt with sooner rather than later.

I have an elder daughter who can be picky but was never this bad and is getting better. I have tried not giving her alternative and it doesn't seem to help, she just mithers for some thing else to eat for a short while but then seems to forget about eating and not eat, sometimes we can persuade her to try something but most of the time it doesn't work. She is very strong willed and I am sure some of this os about control. I was happy to leave it and see if it would improve but with the weight loss(she doent have anything to lose as she has always been tall and v.skinny) I am getting concerned

I think if it's all down to control & if she'd really rather starve than give in then you do have to get the professionals on board to give you some techniques.

On another level.... do you give your daughter plenty of positive attention and spend time with her? Sometimes children can be horribly stroppy about food (and other things) if they feel they are not getting enough attention in general. Could be you combine the two and, as ShinyandNew suggests, you spend some time together making cakes or assembling pizza toppings - so that food becomes relaxed, fun and something that gets Mum's undivided attention.

Well I went to see her preschool teachers tonight and she is eating all the fruit when they have their snack so I beleive it is definitely a power struggle(her older sisters trick ewas to refuse to get ready when we were going out). She ate quite a lot for her last night for tea so we will have to see how it goes