9 month old food battles

[Pozza]

Hi,
I need some advice re. feeding my 9 month old dd. Mealtimes with her are something of a battle with it generally taking a lot of persuading to get her to have some food. She has never had a huge appetite even before weaning, and has been on the 2nd percentile since about 4 months old. At her last weighing last week she'd dropped down to the 0.4th percentile though, which I put down to me recently stopping breast feeding and her not having as much milk now (she's probably only having 16oz of milk a day now, plus a bit in food/yoghurt).

At mealtimes she acts as though we're trying to torture her by giving her food. She does quite enjoy finger foods, toast, etc. and loves yoghurt, but I want her to have a varied diet and not just give in to her. But I am concerned about her weight. I know you shouldn't get stressed at mealtimes, but find it really hard, especially after lovingly preparing something I think she'll really like only to have her push it away and put her thumb in instead!

Occasionally she'll eat really well for a couple of days and I'll think we've cracked it, then it all goes downhill again.

Any advice welcome - I just don't know how much I should be pushing her to eat or whether I should just chill out about it!

I have exactly the same problem - breastfed baby, on low centile, start weaning, she doesn't want to eat anything, etc. etc. etc. Thing is, I have an older dd, now 5 yrs who was exactly the same (except that she wouldn't take milk from a bottle, but fortunately she was on the 95th centile, so remaining the same weight from 7-14months wasn't too much of a problem!).

Anyway, from my earlier experience here are my top tips:

1. if you are going to try pureed food, just use the jars/tins from shop. It is VERY emotionally stressful when as well as you worried about nutrition, you also feel personally upset that they've rejected YOUR lovingly prepared, homecooked meal. If your dd is anything like mine, one small jar is good for 3-4 meals (keep in fridge)
2. If she only wants finger food, then that's fine. I gave my dd omelettes, sandwiches (mashed up, tinned fish or grated cheese or dairylea or marmite), supplemented biscuits, raisins, sweetcorn, peas, broccoli, pasta...
3. Don't get hung up on the 'range of foods' thing. All you can do is offer, and they'll come to different stuff in time (I found that after a few months at nursery my dd was eating whatever they provided for lunch, but would refuse to eat the same thing at home)

Anyway, as I write this, I am trying to take my own advice. My younger dd now subsists on mainly milk (started on a few fl oz a day and after a couple of weeks now drinks about 600ml a day), with occasional finger foods (omelette, corn, pasta) although she still eats very little - more like tastes really. She is putting on weight now (with the milk) and hopefully the food will come in time. Hopefully as she becomes more dextrous, and gets more teeth the range of things she can eat will increase.

BTW, my older dd despite being incredibly fussy as a baby/toddler (subsisted on mackerel sandwiches, carrot sticks, omelette and greek yogurt) now eats most things, so there is hope!

OK, first, if you haven't already, look at this site.

Secondly, you need to get some advice about whether her weight is actually a problem or not. Most babies drop down the centiles when weaning, AFAIK - but I am no expert. It might be totally normal for her - if she is absolutely happy, bright, cheery and healthy otherwise then I suspect she is just fine.

And lastly, if you offer (don't force or cajole) a range of nutritious food every day you can't go too far wrong. So things like cheese, eggy bread, yoghurt, pasta/toast/pittas/bread sticks/potato wedges, fish cakes, pancakes, meats and obviously a range of fruit and veg are all fab, nourishing and healthy.

''At mealtimes she acts as though we're trying to torture her by giving her food. She does quite enjoy finger foods, toast, etc. and loves yoghurt, but I want her to have a varied diet and not just give in to her.''

give in to what? finger foods? you know she may just want to feed herself. that can be sandwiches (which by the way don't need to be mashed up) etc but also things like cottage pie, pasta and sauce. basically anything. just normal food.

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I would really try to avoid turning mealtimes into a battle.

My DD went through a stage at around 9 months of barely eating anything. I was still BFing though, so she just fed more.

It is discouraging when you have a child that doesn't have a brilliant appetite and won't just eat whatever you put in front of them, but I think the attitude of not wanting to "give in to her" is mistaken.

You can't force a person (even a baby) to eat. Ultimately she will decide what she eats, not you. Work with what she likes and maybe spend less time preparing things and try things that are easier to get ready.

Thanks for all the advice. She is generally happy and healthy, though regularly teething at the moment which doesn't help! Will have a look at the baby-led weaning stuff and get some more ideas for finger foods she can have. I know what you're saying about 'giving in to her', but for example at lunchtime today at first she was just refusing to eat and wouldn't take her thumb out of her mouth, but eventually (after about half an hour of me occasionally offering the spoon to her) she wolfed the lunch down so I know she likes the food and can eat it.

HV said that if weight gain drops again, should see the doctor.

I have a 3 and a half yo DS too who although has never been a fussy eater, has always needed some persuading to eat his meals (he just seems to get distracted and go off into a world of his own rather than eating) so I guess I'd hoped that this time I would have one of those babies that loves their food! Time seems to be so scarce too that that adds to the stress as well when she won't eat at mealtimes.

Good luck to you happyflower with your little one - hopefully they will come to love their food soon.

Really, honestly, she won't starve. Milk is her source of nutrition just now, food is just for learning and playing.

"Food is for fun until one", is the saying I think!

She may well be teething which is putting her off her food - which means she will eat some days and not others. Good idea to read a book "Meals without Tears".

What you shouldn't do is push her to eat - give her the opportunity to eat and if she is interested she will and if not she won't. Same with the 3 year old.

IMO after a child that didn't really eat solids until she was 2, and a baby son who stopped having any milk at 8.5 months is that the most valuable lifelong lesson you can teach them is to stop eating when they are full. That means not pushing them to eat more. Offer a snack mid-meal at set times.

Some children will just eat anything that is put in front of them other won't. Can be to do with sensitvity of the taste buds - supertasters tend to be fussier than those that have naturally dulled palates!

DD did the 'act all not interested and then wolf it down' trick too. DP and I discovered that if we gave her something she could mostly manage herself (like finger food) and just ate ourselves and chatted she would start to get on with it and then allow us to help her with stuff she couldn't manage - that needed a spoon, for example.

I think that's basically the baby led weaning idea, although we didn't do BLW really.

If you want her to have home cooked stuff, make it in advance and freeze it so that when she comes to eat it all you have done is bunged it in the microwave for a few mins. If you do this with things you are cooking for yourselves (e.g tomato sauce before you add salt, cheese sauce etc) it is much less hassle and therefore less upsetting when she rejects it.