Please help me meal plan for a SAHD who can cook but can't think!

[gaelicsheep]

DH is more than capable of preparing and cooking simple food for DS (3) but he just can't conjure up meals from whatever's in the cupboard/fridge in the way that I take for granted. I try to have ready-prepared DS-sized portions in the freezer as often as I can, but this has fallen by the wayside recently as I've just not been organised enough. Does anyone know of a meal planner that covers a month or so that would give us a start? It preferably needs to cover lunches and dinners. I don't have the energy or brainpower just now to start from scratch!

Bump and beg (from a v tired Mumsnetter with a bump of her own)

I read your OP and almost posted but the only advice I could give would involve some thinking - but FWIW, here goes.

This is how I meal-plan:

I think up meals (just dinner in my case) for two weeks, and then repeat that two-week meal plan once - so I have planned meals for one whole month, and in that month, we only eat the same thing twice.

On days when I work (Tues, Thurs and Sat mornings), one day will be slow-cooker day and the other day is pizza, either bought from the store or take-out.

When I plan my meals, I have another piece of paper beside my meal plan on which I note what groceries I need - and I buy in bulk whenever I can because I know I'll use whatever it is in the next two-week cycle.

As much as possible, I cook double or even triple amounts. So that occasionally, I may already have Wednesday's meal for two weeks from now cooked and frozen so it just needs reheating.

Then - and I know this sounds daft - I re-write my grocery list, grouping similar items together. All fruit together, all veg, canned goods, pasta, etc - this means I get through my shopping in record time.

It sounds like a lot to do, and initially, it is a bit of work - but it has immensely streamlined my shopping and cooking, and my freezer is full of ready meals. And I also freeze single (well, half) portions for DS, so that in case of need I or DH can grab an entire meal for him and microwave it in minutes. Our grocery bills have also gone down and we throw away far less food, especially fresh stuff, because we buy what we will use.

I don't know if this is helpful to you at all...

There are a couple of American sites that you can subscribe to that email out meal plans every week or 4 weeks. They are:

Menu planning central
Menus4mons.

Menu planning central has an ebook that you get if you subscribe that has a 13 week rolling plan of breakfasts and luunches aimed at children and then 4 different monthly packages (family friendly, vegetarian, frugal and healthy, I think), that have dinners and shopping lists.

Menus4moms send out a weekl plan with recipes and lists and have different options to choose from, including a free one.

Some of the recipes are very American and have things that you can't get here, (cornbread mix, frozen OJ or whatever), but you can usually make your own or find a reasonable substitute. Even if you don't follow the plans, they are full of ideas that you can use or adapt.

I don't know of any British sites that do this kind of thing, but there are a few that have meal plans on them (like MN) or that have recipes galore that you can pick from, (Allrecipes.co.uk/com, Recipezaar, Lovefoodhatewaste.com, the other one that you put in the ingredients and it picks meals, I think it is called Supercook or something similar.)

Sorry, I can't be more helpful, but these are maybe a start.

www.mumsnet.com/food/family-meal-planner

Mumsnet meal planner.

i agree with rasputin!

my dp claims that he doesn't know what the children eat, that he can't make anything from what i have in the cupboards etc etc

there have been a few times when i've just said i'm not making dinner. just DO IT.

and he has. and it turns out it isn't so hard after all.

Thanks. And thanks for the frankness rasputin!

To clarify - I don't give a pig's arse what DH eats, it's just for DS to make sure he gets a varied, balanced diet. Much of the problem is we're a bit short on cash at the moment and can't afford to get loads of different food, so making good meals needs a bit of imagination and, clearly, forward planning.

DH cooking and shopping has never been part of the way we do things. I do the vast majority of the food shopping and always cook dinner for us on an evening. It's just daytime meals for DS that are an issue.

It's just inspiration that I'm after I suppose. I've looked at loads of so-called "family" cookbooks and nothing appeals. I think what I really need to do is buck up and write down all the meals I currently do and then just top it up with some variety. Just looking for shortcuts I guess.

Rasputin, i don't know about anyone elses Dh, but mine couldn't plan toast and beans if you gave him the bread, butter and beans, never mind plan, shop and cook for the family. In fact in 18 years, I think that he has fed the children maybe 10 times and every time it has been something mad like tinned spaghetti and garlic bread served 3 hours late, in spite of me always having full cupboards, the world's pasta surplus and a freezer full of meals that I have made ahead. ( I know this because the children have always grassed him up when I have come out of hospital!)

Look at the top of this page and click on the "food" tab - loads of helpful advice!! Good luck!

I think maybe I'm being a bit unfair on DH actually. He will cook things for DS if there is obvious food there. So he'll do a quick pasta with crushed tomatoes and cream cheese, for example. But he doesn't have a repertoire and he can't think on his feet all that well.

What he wouldn't do, for example, is throw together some egg fried rice with left over cooked pork and a quarter of an onion that was languishing in the fridge. He doesn't have that basic instinct for making balanced meals using store cupboard ingredients and leftovers - I've always found that's more of a woman's thing.

It's the same with shopping. Left without a list DH comes back with sausage rolls, scotch eggs, crumpets, pancakes, etc. etc. - not a lentil or bag of rice in sight. And he doesn't think to look for offers so his shopping bills are always at least 20% more than mine.

Really this is less about him and more about me getting my arse in gear and organising the food shopping/planning a whole lot better.

Jacksmum - thanks for the link, but that Mumsnet planner is only for a week unfortunately, although it's a start obviously. If anyone did happen to have the one Rasputin was referring to I'd be eternally grateful! A recommendation for a good family cookbook would also be great. Something a little more challenging than "How to feed your whole family with...." which I find a bit dumbed down. Proper, simple food ideas rather than cheaty versions of proper meals IYSWIM.

God I sound pathetic. Perhaps someone just needs to give me a kick up the arse.

I think some people are much better (and i'm talking both sexes here) than others at just looking at ingredients and putting a meal together.

My brother is a great cook - his meals are always really scrummy - BUT he does it ALL from recipes. Give him a kitchen full of ingredients and no recipe book and he'll fall to pieces. My BF also cooks "from recipe"

I don't like cooking from recipes much (partly because they NEVER look like they do in the pictures when I cook them ) - but can throw just about anything together to make a decent meal.

I mostly cook from recipes as well, or at least use them for inspiration, which is presumably why I'm struggling with this at the moment. I've always liked to have a plan to follow - hence I loved the Gina Ford weaning book and followed it nearly to the letter. GF hasn't done a yearly meal planner by any chance...?

Actually my DH is the thrower-together and I'm the recipe follower. But he will only do a small range of things: meat-and-2-veg, stir fry, pasta and sauce, beefburgers etc.

Literally we have spent an hour this evening revamping our meals. I have interviewed him about what he can/will cook, written them all down, added some of my own and made a 4 week plan. It was going to be a 2 week plan but we kept thinking of things like pizza or sausages that weren't on it.

I've tried other people's planners including the one that circulated on MN, good for ideas but I think you have to tailor it to what your family likes to eat, else you end up with things you'd never choose.

The Gill Holcombe book "how to feed your whole family...." has meal planners in the back, what I'd call ordinary family meals rather than fancy stuff. worth a few £ from Amazon.

At the very least you should do a plan and shop for it - it's not fair on your DH to make him do a lucky dip if he's not a natural improvisor. Or maybe have certain things always in so he can make a few particular things.

Sorry missed that you didn't want the "how to feed" book.

Not sure what you are actually looking for in "simple food". Proper ingredients you mean not sauces made of tinned soup?

IMO "Jamie Oliver's ministry of food" is a great family cookbook. Stick together the patronising pages if you must but it has 4 or 5 of everything you need: chinese, indian, roasts, stews, mince meals, fish etc, all lovely recipes with fresh herbs etc.

Another thing you can do is "themed days" eg.
Monday pasta, Tuesday something with mash, Wednesday stir fry, Thursday fish - then you can vary the theme for as many weeks as you want to plan.

Funny, that's the book I was talking about that I'm not that impressed with. I've had another look at it and perhaps I should give it another go. It's just that I'd tried a few of her recipes and on balance I'd much rather make the real thing in bulk and freeze it. But then I haven't the time/energy which is why I have this problem in the first place. AARRGH!

I think DH and I need to do exactly what you've done and sit down to do this plan together. Thanks.

Yes, that's exactly what I mean blithedance. Having said that, I've got a great recipe for what's called "sausage stroganoff" from an old 70s cookbook that uses condensed mushroom soup - it's nothing like a stroganoff but it's v nice all the same. The same soup makes a really nice tuna and mushroom pasta as well. See now, things are coming back to me - perhaps I just need to step back a little and let my brain work on its own.

I do actually use the tinned mushroom soup recipe too but only for camping these days!

Is v. hard to share cooking without a joint plan. It's hard to cook if you haven't shopped for the food so you know what's in the house. This whole thing stemmed (as it were) from an argument about the weekly veg box which (being very seasonal and local is mostly cabbage and swede at the moment) so DH couldn't cook his usual meals. Our relationship has probably been saved by writing the meals planned on the calendar 2 weeks ahead. (We never had this problem before DC when we could send out for a curry or pop out to the pub)

I think the Gill Holcombe book is aimed at people who are starting from frozen pizza and want some easy basics, it's OK for that.

Rasputin, I don't think cooking is hard, but I've been doing it every day for 30 years or more. On the other hand, I do think that fixing washing machines and building flat pack furniture is hard. it's a lot more about experience and practice than about control. I work to my abilities, he works to his. I cook because I can and I am here all the time. DH does the fixing type stuff and doesn't cook because he can't and he is almost never here at meal times because he works quite long hours and travels more than 3 hours a day to get there and back.

Gaelicsheep, there is a good book by BBC GOod Food called The Family Meal PLanner that costs about a tenner on Amazon. It is much better than the
Gill Holcombe book, which I really don't like. I can't compare it to the Ministry of food, either, because I've never seen it, or any other of Jamie Oliver's books. It has sections on cooking ahead, using leftovers, storecupboard cooking, budget cooking, entertaining and more. At the back it has 25 weekly meal planners. It is more challenging then the Feed your family... thing and infinitely more interesting. In fact, it is just about the only one of my 2 dozen cookbooks that I ever really look at. It even has recipes for all the cabbage that comes in the veg box! Although, there is nothing wrong with the odd meal that uses mushroom soup instead of a sauce made from scratch, much easier and quicker when your knackered and the kids are hungry.

gaelicsheep, blithedance has a point about it being difficult not knowing where everything is or how much food there is. Not everybody likes opening fridges and cupboards and making a mental inventory.

I only like to cook if the kitchen is my own ie I put the stuff in the fridge and cupboards.

If your dh is a SAHD, I don't see why you are still stage-managing mealtimes. It just requires some organisation but you do get into the flow.

Shouldn't he knuckle down and plan some menus, do the food shop and actually cook the meals.

By all means, start off with joint planning to set him on the way. But going forward, he should be taking responsibility in the kitchen arena. Too many cooks spoil the broth (sorry, pun) in the kitchen area.

I have more time at home so do the overall meal planning and ingredients shopping. Dh will cook but on to the meals on the days I have planned and ingredients I have bought. This way, I don't tend to end up with many leftovers either. And if I do, I can shift the meals around to accommodate. But that is because I know what is in the fridge/cupboards AND what is on the menu.

so, those of you whose husbands are for some inexplicable reason, incapable of cooking food.

what do you think they'd do if you had to go away for 2 weeks? what if they were living on their own?

yes, they'd make some food. the reason they don't is because you always do it for them!
it isn't going to hurt a child to be fed beans on toast a couple of times while dad gets into the swing of things.
he knows what kind of things you normally make, so surely he can think of stuff to do with things in the cupboards?

i would suggest you set him the task of planning some meals and doing the shopping.
it might be a bit shit the first week, gbut he'll soon get into the swing of it

OK - you're forcing me to admit it. Control freak alert! We are a slightly reluctant WOHM and SAHD respectively so things aren't perhaps as straightforward as if we'd both chosen our roles.

Thanks for all your comments - we've agreed to sit down together this evening and devise some kind of plan. And I'll certainly look for that BBC book, stressedHEmum. Thanks again.