My fussy toddler, should I give him what he wants?

[JTGPsmummy]

My DS is 21 months. He was very easy to wean and great with food, loved veg and ate almost anything. However the last couple of months he has hit his 'fussy stage' which I am finding a bit of a pain.

He will eat his breakfast and lunch ok but tea times he will only eat spaghetti bolognase (or pasta with the bolognase sauce on), jacket potato with beans and cheese, mild chicken curry, and chilli con carne. The only veg I can now get him to eat is baby sweetcorn. At first I refused to give into this and would serve him what we had, regardless, which would be things like cottage pie, chops with potato veg and gravy, occasionally chips and sausage if I needed something quick but he would just refuse to eat at all. We would still give him some fruit after or a yoghurt as I don't want him to be hungry (some mums I know won't give anything and send them to bed having had nothing which I personally don't like).

After he wouldn't eat I now only give him the 4 things I know he will eat. We try and get him to have a bit of what we have too, without success, although he actually ate a fish finger the other day, won't since though. Should I give into what he wants like this or not? Also does he need vitamin drops now that he is not really eating his veg any more? Sorry about the length!!

I wouldn't give him what he wants-he will only get fussier. If he has breakfast and lunch he won't starve. I would serve up what you have. Give him a small portion and let him help himself to veg. Make a meal very matter of fact, leave the emotion out of it, don't comment on what he eats-either way. I wouldn't offer alternatives. If he misses it he misses it. Perhaps have fruit to hand but nothing else. Give him lots of exercise so that he is hungry!
Disguise veg. If you make a soup and liquidise it they have no idea what is in there! Bolognese sauce can have anything as long as it is liquidised and you don't have too much of it. My DSs never know that it contained small amounts of cabbage!

I'm no dietician nor an expert in children - just a mum but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. Know what you mean about giving fruit or pudding and I've done that before but remember that they won't willingly starve themselves.

Like with the fish finger, if you don't make a big deal of it then he'll see you eat things and get curious. I always think if you make a fuss it just makes them have hang ups about food.

Does he have siblings or any other children you can have to eat with you so he can see them try things. Give him what he wants but keep trying him with your food.

I once saw a little boy on the house of tiny tearaways who existed on yoghurt alone! His poor parents did a great job and the woman on there observed mealtimes and he had to do stuff like just kissing the food at first and they built him up to one mouthful before he could have his yoghurt. Try something like that?

Sure he'll grow out of it and curiosity will get the better of him. Perhaps you can try giving him stuff he likes with something he doesn't if that makes sense - beans and fishfingers. Obviously just a stage as he eats mince and baked pot but won't eat cottage pie.

Good luck

I wouldn't do something else, I'm a childminder cooking for 6 children and if I let one choose dinner they would all want to do it. I serve one meal and if they don't eat it then they go without, mine do anyway what the other children's parents do is up to them of course.

Today was stew and my dd1 doesn't like it but it's healthy, can be done in the slow cooker, doesn't break the bank and is warm, as it happened dd2 was sick so I had to send everyone home, dd2 only wanted to graze on fruit and breadsticks (I was just happy she was ok enough to want anything at all) this is the only situation I would allow my dd's to have something other that what I'd cooked, dd1 complained that dd2 was having something different but she is 10 so understood when I explained dd2 had been sick.

I wouldn't pander to this personally. In this house there is only one dinner and eat it or leave it, going to bed without dinner now and then does no harm. But I know you don't want to do this.

That actually sounds like a good range of food to me! If you're worried about him being fussy (and tbh he doesn;t sound any more fussy than the average toddler, in fact better than most) then alternate meals he likes with one or two 'new' things a week?

Thank you for your replies.

I like your idea Effie. I just don't like the idea of serving him something I KNOW he will not eat, what is the point? My friend went through this with her toddler and now she is 3 and back to eating almost anything again, so I'm sure it is just a phase. We are giving him a little something of ours with what he has but we don't make a huge deal if he doesn't eat it as we don't want to make an even bigger problem with food by forcing him.

There is no point in forcing-you can't win on that one. It is all a power struggle as they find their independence, not really a lot to do with food. If you don't take part, refuse to discuss, but serve it on a take it or leave it basis-they grow out of it.