Is it OK to not give dc ANYTHING else to eat for dinner if they refuse to eat any of what I've offered?

[FearOfThePig]

DD1 2.3 ate about two spoonfuls of pasta and dd1 3.6 ate NOTHING! I didn't offer them anything else, or dessert, but feel a bit mean. Neither is fading away or bugging me for food.

Think might give them a cup of milk before bed, but is this a confusing message?

Yes - it's confusing the message.

Could you serve up the same food (heated up again) later if they get hungry?

Would they normally get milk before bed?

I would offer bread and butter and butter or fruit but long gone are the days when I used to make more food.

Everyone's different but I would never let my dcs go to sleep hungry if I could help it. I think it's fine to give them milk if they want it. IMO not a good idea to make a big deal of food issues.

no, not normally, but tghey sometimes have pink milk in fairy cups as a treat.
There was some leftover pasta which hadn't been polluted with my apparently disgusting sauce, which they would have loved with pesto on it. It took loads of willpower not to give offer to them

i think they are still fairly young to be refused any dinner

bread and butter or a banana if they ask for it

also, if they normally get milk before bed then i would still offer

Go to bed hungry - wake up too early tomorrow?

Good grief no. When the kitchen closes that's it!

I bet if you offered some chocolate and crisps they would find their appetite - try it and see

I agree re making issues of food, and definitely don't want to do that, and if they had been upset and demanding food then I suppose I would have relented and given them a bit of toast of something.. but that's confusing the message isn't it??

I also have a nine yr old as well as 2.7 and 4.7 yr olds and they have been now told that 'this is your dinner and you will not get anything else if you do not eat it'

What I find difficult is if they eat maybe three quarters, say they are finished and then ask for something else.

Most of the time they go to bed having not been given anything else and it doesn't seem to affect when they wake up.

I won't give my dcs pudding if they say they're too full to eat their main course - if they've not got room for that, they've not got room for dessert! Same with the meal itself, I'm not cooking several meals for faddy eaters!
If you've said they can't have anything more if they won;'t eat what they have and then they DON'T eat what they have you have to follow through on your rule.
You could always offer a cup of milk before bed if you want to make sure they're not too hungry before sleep.

My rule is all dinner eaten or only one pudding.

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Personally I think it depends on whether it is something they have eaten well before and have just today taken a dislike to. If that is the case I would offer it again, and then to bed hungry. If it is a new dish they may genuinely dislke it in which case I would give something else but not something they love but something they tolerate (if they realise they can have finger food instead of cooked you may get refusals at more meals). I know it sounds cruel but my dd1 did this - ate brilliantly and suddenly one day refused cooked meals. After a few days I sought advice and was told to give a small spoonful of the meal on her plate, but offer something else healthy like sandwich and bananna. Disaster - 5 years later she eats about 7 different food items. If I had made her really really hungry while she remembered eating normal cooked food she would have 'caved in'. Now she cant remember ever liking it and vomits when most food groups enter her mouth. Fortunately the food she does eat is healthy as the alternatives I offered were fruit, sandwiches, cheese etc. But it is so restrictive now and really upsets her as she cant get over it. There isnt a day goes by when i dont regret not being hard on those first few refusals. Her vomiting has affected dd2 and 3s eating too. I will never forget my first serious conversation with the dietitian at the hospital about it when she said I should have been hard and the advice I got was poor - as she said, children dont starve themselves.

I have 2 very fussy ds's(2 and 3.11) and every dinner time is a battlefield.
Tonight ds1 ate about 3 pasta spirals and 2 small pieces of chicken,so he got his pudding.Ds2 didn't touch his,except to throw it all on the floor,so he was taken out of his highchair and got nothing else except his milk,before bed.
I did use to give the younger one his pudding and some fruit,even when he hadn't eaten his dinner,but now I give him nothing,otherwise imo,he'll carry on not eating his dinner,if he knows he can still have something else.
Very frustrating but I try not to let it bother me any more.

I would never send a child to bed without them having eaten something (unless they hadn't eaten because they had been snacking all afternoon and weren't hungry).
2.3 and 3.6 is far too young to understand (I think), or perhaps thats just my two that are too immature to understand .
Would definately offer milk and fruit before bed.

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It's ok, I suppose. Your choise and all that. Wouldn't do it myself.

Funny isn't it?! So many dofferent and rational ways of doing things. Only thing I am certain of is that I DO NOT want meal times to turn in to a battle ground, or for there to be any neurosis around food. They can generally eat what they like, and I would never actually refuse to let them eat something, but guide them towards eating good stuff, and provide healthy meals for them to eat.

What happened tonight, after a very disappointing dinner, they were absolutely fine, and went to bed without even mentioning food or milk. No idea why they weren't hungry! I'd have been starving!

A cup of milk fgs is hardly food. It's nutritious and helps them get a good night sleep. I don't think that it confuses the issue at all. If you offered them toast and biscuets on the other hand, this would confuse the issue. I personally would offer the milk out of concern for their health.

Also I would have given them the pesto. It's healthy and they chose it- surely a positive. So they didn't like your sauce? Never mind. Dust off your ego and stick with the pesto. Making an issue of food isn't good and this is coming from someone who used to have an eating disorder.