my 6 year old ds will not eat anything i cook for dinner, help!

[sachkrimbo]

My 6 year old ds has always been a fussy eater, but things have gone from bad to worse with him only eating a tablespoon of baked beans tonight. He will eat all the breakfast cereal I give him, some lunch (if it's sandwiches and fruit) but forget anything for dinner. We have tried ignoring it, shouting about it, blackmail (i.e. if you eat your dinner you can have chocolate for pudding) and nothing is working. It's now reached the stage where my 3 year old dd has started to copy him. Please help it's causing massive stress at night and agruements all round.

Can you bear to just leave him? I mean he can't be hungry can he? I just say that there is nothing else to eat and my (nearly 5 dd)accepts this, she just has a tiny appetite at times.

We do the 'there's nothing else to eat' which has no impact at all, or he'll ask 'what's for dinner tomorrow night?'. The just leaving him thing, again we've tried and there has been no change. I know it may be that he's not hungry, but if I put something in front of him that he likes he will go hammer and tongs at it (the one meal he will eat tortillas with soft cheese and grated cheese wrapped up = posh version of cheese sandwich really. If we try the leaving him thing, do you think i should give him 3 bowls of cereal the next day cause that's what happens when he has nothing? Part of me feels this is just stocking up so he doesn't have to eat dinner that night and part of me feels he is starving having not eaten the night before.

oooh I'm going through this with dd1 (4). She's always been faddy but has gone through a particularly bad stage recently where she'll declare every night "but I don't eat dinner". If it was cereal/toast/sandwich/chocolate I know she'd scoff the lot. Like you I've tried the good cop/bad cop routine without success. I also have younger ones who're now copying her habits.

I managed to get her to eat a few mouthfuls by pretending the food wanted to be eaten and doing silly voices or feeding her. But that hasn't worked much recently.

She also wakes up early ravenous and wants lots of breakfast. Limiting her early meals just means she goes to bed even hungrier so if you find something that works I'd love to know. It's so frustrating, can't even fall back to junk food because she's not interested in chips etc.

dd1 (age 5) is trying it on here too, I've been explaining about nutrition to her and trying to get her to see what she should eat during the day. Today she refused any breakfast, had snack apple at school, ate school lunch, which was plain baked potato, followed by icecream and I managed to get her to eat a boiled egg for tea, followed by grapes and a (packet) smoothie. I'm thinking about introducing a star chart for food eaten, which will add upto a treat at end of week, has anyone tried this? any success?

Why don't you just give him food that you know he will eat and save yourself all this stress?

You can do alot with a wrap, you don't have to put ham and cheese in it. What about chicken? Meatballs and cheese with tomato sauce? Will he eat pizza? (you can make this, tomato's, cheese, vegies?

Don't bribe, shout, beg etc, it makes a drama out of eating and puts them off more. Don't give him extra cereal, he'll expect this all the time and will use it as an excuse not to eat his tea. If he only eats a teaspoon of baked beans then this is what he does. Upsetting him won't make him eat any more and is more likely to stress you both out.

drives you up the wall, doesn't it?
Would he just eat a cheese sandwich or a banana with a glass of milk? If so, I'd let him get on with it and that would help tide him over till the morning.

Have been there. I used to have horribly. horibly fussy eaters. For example, had a pampered chef chopper to blitz vegetables into an impossible small pulp so that they couldn't detect them in meals. Now they eat brussel sprouts fgs! . It took months and months and months to resolve.

I have a tough love approach to many things. And 'No', you shouldn't be allowing him 3 bowls of cereal the next morning!

Dinner should be - that's all there is, eat it or leave it (not "that's all there is" but whilst I seem blase on the outside, inwardly I am in agonies concerning ricketts and will allow you a bumper breakfast tomorrow to compensate for your lack of nutrition tonight)

You should then not worry about it (children will not starve themselves)

And be prepared to be patient.

Stick to your guns.

One dinner - take it or leave it! As I've heard quoted on here often "I'm not a short order cook!"

Thank you all for your advice. Tried the star chart business with several other problems that we have encountered, however, the child is not stupid and is very headstrong so stickers/small presents after so many stickers does not cut it with him. I think I'm going to try the keeping my mouth shut option (not easy but will try it) and he either eats what is in front of him or not. The bumper breakfast is out of the question. I also think I will compensate for his lack of calories by adding a massive glass of wine to my intake each night I can keep quiet about his not eating. I guess StepfordKnife you are right, he won't starve himself and we can't keep on arguing about it.

"I also think I will compensate for his lack of calories by adding a massive glass of wine to my intake each night I can keep quiet about his not eating"

Lol! good luck with your strengthened resolve

i always cook for 4.

ds2 has always been fussy, this has been recently exacerbated by a stomach lining problem.

if he doesn't eat what i cook - he goes without.

i find my son doesn't need 3 meals a day, he is find with two. breakfast and lunch then a snack for supper

or if he decided he doesn't want lunch - he will eat tea.

i guess you are not giving him snacks between meals? so he properly hungry at tea? water not milk/juice? so he has to get his calories from food?

i agree not to make a big deal - if he doesnt eat it, then he has to wait til next meal time to eat - good luck x

Just to add to the mix, he has now got tonsillitus and has eaten nothing all day. At work now so husband did not make a big deal about him only eatting one quarter of a slice of bread and did give him some ice cream. Maybe he will put up with the just two meals and binge when we have something he will eat. Either way, must keep mouth shut .

I think with dodgy tonsils, more lenience can be shown!

Ah - that makes sense!

Some people eat their biggest meal at breakfast and not much at night - have you tried a cooked breakfast? My mum used to make us one every morning in the winter....sigh...

My dd is 4.9. She has cereal or toast for breakfast. Soup at 10.30 (this is Belgium they decided it was the most nutricious snack to give them) then a cooked lunch. Then some fruit and biscuit at 4pm. Most nights she only has a sandwich, or toast and honey, with some carrot batons, or an apple. She honestly does not want a cooked dinner in the evening. Maybe he honestly isn't that hungry.

gagarin you may have hit the nail on the head. today, despite dodgy tonsils, ate a boiled egg, half a bagel and two yogurts in approx 7 minutes. ate lunch, sausages and baked beans and then no dinner. i was at work so not sure if he didn't eat because he was not hungry or because he had a massive arguement with dd and dh sent them to bed at 6 pm . as i am on call tonight, i wish dh good luck when they both wake at 5 am starving hungry.

Sounds as though he's packed away a whole day's food at breakfast & lunchtime!

I doubt if he really needs more than a snack at tea time after that lot - I certainly wouldn't.

But will wake up needing a big breakfast - porage/bacon sarnies/fruit salad etc!

Enjoy your on call - hope it's quiet.