My son wont eat.......Any suggestions?????

[cafebistro]

My DS is nearly 3 and has such a limited diet it worries me. As a baby he would eat a variety of foods that i would cook eg. pasta and sauce, soups, chicken casserole etc, the only thing he didnt really take to was finger food and preferred to be spoon fed and later spoon feed himself.
However over the past year or so he has been gradually refusing more and more foods that he previously would have eaten. He now lives on a diet of weetabix, porridge, a variety of breads ( bagels,rolls, sliced bread) but will only have them dry or with soft cheese on, crackers, rice/oat cakes. He will eat no meat or veg, and fruit wise he will have bananas or pureed fruit pots and yoghurts. He will occasionally have scrambled egg.
I dont really allow him to have sweets and chocolate (very occasionally) and he drinks water and milk (occasionally apple juice or smoothy).
I dont know how i can get him to eat a more varied and healthy diet. Ive tried sitting him with us at meal times and serving him with what we're having but it ends up in a tantrum and he doesnt eat any of it. I then end up giving him his bread roll because i dont want him to go to bed hungry.
Please can anyone give me some advice????

Presuming there are no medical reasons behind it he will eat when he is hungry.

do NOT make an issue out of it. If he eats what he's given fine, if not just remove it when the rest of the family have eaten theirs. I would't give anything else as that would be like a 'reward'. Tell him if he doesn't eat what he's given he will just have to go hungry and there won't be anything else until next meal time.

My dd (3.1) eats like a bird, she is nevertheless thriving. It seems that if she eats a fair amount at one meal the others are picked at... I refuse to get drawn into a battle, I don't have the energy and I do not wish to see it become a 'big thing'.

Mum tells me I didn't eat for months, my gran would have a go at her. then my gran would have a go at me in my teens, saying I was too skinny, while I did eat like a horse, fgs!... I ended up with a complex about my body, which by any standard might be considered near perfect but I didn't see it like that. i would cover it up with baggy clothes, I rounded my shoulders so that people wouldn't notice my lack of boobs.

I should have been standing tall, showing off my slim body, wearing the clothes that would accentuate my pert boobies!

Now I've got poor posture

Can you see what I mean? Offer him the same food you eat, keep providing variety and just clear it away if he won't eat. I think exposure to foods, but not forcing him to eat it is the way to go

There was a fantastic prog on a couple of weeks ago called Fussy Eaters, see if you can get hold of it. Expert childrens doc from Birmingham Childrens Hospital and she deals with this all the time. Her VERY STRONG advise was "Give them what you know they will eat. The less stressful you make mealtimes, the less anxious they will be about food and they will come to it in their own time. Don't think of what they eat as 'crap' or repetitive, it's their form of nutrition." She had amazing results.

No offense to Klaw but this is exactly what she said not to do. If you only offer him food that he usually doesn't eat and tell him he will just have to go hungry, you are making a stressful and potentially damaging situation.

I have an incredibly fussy son, lives on Berries, peas, Shreddies, yoghurts, bread, breaded fish and breaded chicken. He won't eat sloppy food, its very frustrating but all the starving him out made it worse. I tried just giving him what we were having and clearing it away when he left it. He held out longer than I did. After 3 days of eating next to no food, I gave in first. Even then he would barely eat a thing, though he must have been starving. It took weeks just to get him to eat the things I knew he liked again, he had stopped trusting me. This way he is more relaxed and providing they are eating SOMETHING all the doctors will tell you they will grow out of it. Please try to watch the prog, it was incredible.

Thanks klaw, your advice seems sensible....my ds does seem to be thriving on his bread diet but it is frustrating when he wont even taste anything else! I must admit I had given up offering him different foods as they were always rejected ( i just gave him what i knew he would eat!) but now I am definately going to start getting him involved with meal times again and offering him the food we eat.

I saw the program that you mentioned terbuchet and the results were brilliant but it does seem that i have been doing as she advised( just giving bloodt bread and weetabix etc) for ages and nothing seems to be changing. I wonder whether i should give him a meal with one thing i know he will eat in it (bread!) and some new things and see what happens then??

cafeb, I offered my little one just what she'd eat when I was working as it was easiest and she ended up with a very restricted diet and a real fear of new foods.

Since starting school I've swapped her food around a little. First I got rid of the chicken nuggets and replaced it with plain chicken. Then I dropped the potato waffles and went with pasta, then I went with sliced cucumber, peppers, etc.

At first I was anxious, screamed at her for not eating stuff sometimes (when the frustration reached it's peak) then I realised I had to chill with it.

I saw the programme trebuchet mentioned and it really helped my sanity. Prior to this, I was still despairing with the limited food intake and worrying that dd would end up on freaky eaters when she got older.

DD is now 7, still eats a narrow range of food, but will try things occasionally. She's not out of the woods, and I have to try constantly to get her to eat new things, but she eats similar amounts/types of stuff as most 7yos.

We've gone from her eating little other than bread, yoghurt and chicken nugget and chips to a slightly more rounded diet that includes chicken, meatballs, pasta, cheese, veg, some fruit and generally a bit from all the food groups.

If I had to offer any advice (and it's hard for me as I've been offered loads and it's usually been bunkum for my girl) it would be:-

a) Don't stress at mealtimes. Just serve the food and take it away if not eaten without comment.

b) Do as you're doing with the sweet stuff. If lo doesn't eat tea, they don't get pud.

c) Keep offering something new, but team it with old favourites. Tell them what it is and that it would be good if they could try it. This prevents them having a fear of the food being on their plate (something my daughter had for ages).

d) Eat with your child if you can. Family eating is really important to good social skills and helps to keep a family together.

e) Cook with your child if you get chance. Cookies or muffins or food for the family dinner. Your ds won't necessarily eat it, but imagine how proud he'll be when you tell his dad he made 'x'.

f) DON'T let other people bring you down about your child's eating habits. They will say things, often without meaning to cause upset, but they don't understand. Starving your child won't help. Making them eat certain foods won't make things better in the long run.

For some reason, people really feel that they can be judgeypants about your kids eating habits. And as a parent of a fussy eater, I have been through the whole spectrum of emotions with food and my daughter...guilt, anger, dread, you name it... But now, meal times are mealtimes. I don't stress and neither does she.

I wish you luck with this. It's not a quick fix. Your attitude is all that matters in this...if you and your partner can be on the same wavelength with it that will really help. Good luck and try not to worry too much. If you stay chilled with the food regime and keep helping him to try new foods, as well as enjoying his faves, he'll get better eventually!!!

I would suggest perhaps putting one new thing on his plate with stuff he does like so he is at least always seeing a wide variety of foods even if he isn't eating them. Once he gets used to seeing them you could try persuading him to try them.

At three I ate only frosties, spaghetti hoops, tomato soup and bacon sandwhiches (plus crisps and chocolate). My mother just gave me what I liked to eat and the rest of the family had 'normal meals'. She had tried starving me but I refused to eat anything. I now eat a reasonably wide diet including most meats, some fish, pasta, fruit and veg. (still not big on brussel sprouts but I always have 1 on Christmas day!)

I am sure that as he has eaten lots of different things in the past he will come back to them in his own time. My dd1 (5) is a fusy eater but is slowly eating a wider variety of food as she gets older.

Agree with most of what's already been said here.

My ds changed almost overnight at the age of 18 months. He is now nearly 4½ and is slowly starting to eat a wider range of food (he has actually asked to try different food). I think around 3 is probably the worst time for various types of behaviour.

The most important thing is not to let him see you getting stressed - and also one of the hardest things to do! There are a number of us on MN with fussy eaters (some a fair bit older than your ds) so feel free to ask anything!

Btw, does he your eat any protein apart from dairy or eggs?

Good luck

I see what Trebuchet says and do admit that I'm not an expert, just talking from my own experience. I guess that I have been working to an element of Trebuchet's tips in that many of the meals I serve up to my dd do consist of some of the foodstuffs I know she will eat, but even then she won't always eat the things I know she does like.

Just last night she asked for Garlic sausage, she's quite a carnivore, and then when i put the food on the table she refused to come and eat. I brought her to the table but she just left it again and said I was to leave her alone. She did eat a mouthful or two later on but I didn't give her anything else as I didn't want her to think that she could run circles round me.

I don't know if I'm always doing the right thing, but I'm not stressed and she doesn't appear to be either.

ds is nearly 15 and gets quite grumpy when I insist that we eat together and that he cannot leave the table till we've all finished...

Dh has just reminded me that we went through a mercifully short phase of putting "his" food on the table but putting some of ours on saucer(so he wasn't overwhelmed by it) and asking him to try ours before he got his.

This was how he discovered, buffalo mozarella, and basil and lots of other foods. We have a rule in our house, you are not allowed to say (cue whiney voice")"I don't like it" until you have tried it.
I tried to get DS to try something recently and he started......I don........oh I haven't tried it, he tried it and loved it.

Klaw, I have tried almost every trick under the sun mostly to no avail!

I understand how hard it can be dealing day in day out with a fussy eater. my ds1 is about 4.5 and since just before 3 he sarted rejecting thing and ended up with a very narrow diet. He did not gain any weight between 2.5 to 4 and at ltime comments from MIL etc would really worry me however over the past few months he has started to try a few new thing and while he is still a fussy eater he eats more of a variety than before. I have never forced him to eat anything he did not like but have made him try things he has not tasted in the hope he will like it and lately he found some stuff he actually likes. Also like someone already mentioned that I would give them stuff tey easily eat but if he will try a couple of spoons of the new thing first.

Thanks for everyones support...its nice to know im not the only one in this position. In response to mercys question..no he eats no protein except dairy, he wont eat meat....he used to eat lentil soup but started refusing that too..

My DS is nearly 3 also. He is constantly telling me what he doesn't like mainly veg!!

I have found a few things that work for him mainly not making his portions too big (he can always ask for more) and what elk said putting something new on his plate. I have been putting sweetcorn on DS's plate for a while now and he finally tried it today. I could have danced round the room!! Now to work on broccoli!!

I tried putting something new on his plate earlier....baked beans with his scrambled eggs, he wouldnt touch them...although he did eat all the egg. I even tried to bribe him with a yoghurt.

If he is growing healthily etc then sit back and relax! The more relaxed you are the less fun his game, eventually he will eat. As long as he growing healthily, it need not be a worry. My dc's both eat sometimes then not for week or so - dd1 was nightmare used to really stress me out etc but now just accept that is how she is so get used to it or pull my hair out, ds2 is like that as well but never phased me as just accept I am destined for children who do not want to eat often. Kids survive on so little food it's not true if they are putting on weight they must be eating adaquately so calm yourself and remember its just another phase that will push you to your limits but don't let food become a battle or will last a lot longer! GOOD LUCK!

It's a bloody nightmare I know, drives you insane and as a mum you have a desperate desire to nourish your child. Little blighters.....

I think his diet is not too bad.

I've had these problems with my children but now if they are not eating I just give them a spoonfull of multivitamin syrup (to make myself feel better ) and try not to make a fuss. It's hard. I so desperately want the children to eat well.

I'm having the same problem with DS he'll eat:
Ready Brek, rice cakes with peanut butter(his favourite), oat cakes, peanut butter adn honey sandwich, mashed potato, fish fingers & sausages (occasionly), vegetables, crisps and chocolate biscuits.

I always worry he's not getting a varied enough diet. Having read this thread though guess I will just keep going with it, give him some multivitamins and hopefully he will start eating more.

mine does this i give her what she will eat 6 days out of seven and one day i ensure that she eats with the family and has to at least taste what is being offered before she can leave the table!

i have also become v good at hiding things 'chicken fir example gets cooked untill its really dry and the grtound in food processor untill its powdery and sprinkled on pizzas mixed with mash etc.

bananas are also processed int pancake batter! her ketchup is actually food processed tomatos, onions and garlic boiled untill reduced and then poured into a hienz ketchup bottle!

the more of an issue you make it the more of an issue it will become!