Is my kid just plain lazy?!

[Essie]

Ds 1 is coming up 2yrs old and seems to be incredibly lazy when it comes to feeding himself! How much should I expect from him? He rather us cut his toast to bite size pieces in the morning rather than quarters, same with his sandwiches. Yet he will eat biscuits with no probs! He doesn't attempt to eat his main meal at all, and just waits for us to shuvvle it in. Snacky things he tends to eat him self and sloppy foods like yoghurt and weetabix he will try to do, but when he's had enough just hands me the spoon to finish shuvvling again!! I know all kids are different - but does anyone have any tips how to encourage the little laddy to pick up his spoon and fork abit more.......or in reality am I worrying about nothing???? I feel all at sea with this one!

Essie ... I know how you feel ... only my DS is 3 and still demands to be fed! I encourage him at the beginning of meals but by the end I have given in ... the only time he will eat on his own is if we are eating at the same time so we try to have 'family' meals at the weekend (which my DH hates as he hates eating at 5.30pm!)
The thing is that DS gets really frustrated when bits fall off his spoon and fork so we usually have a tantrum so that is why I give in because then we don't have a tantrum!
I don't try to worry about it as I figure that he will get it eventually and I will work on it bit by bit ... just like the sleep, potty training, the not sharing, the lashing out at other children etc etc!!!!

Hmmm. That sounds familiar here too. My DS1 will be 4 in april and up until about 2-3 weeks ago was a really fussy eater and at most mealtimes I would end up feeding him purely so he ate something. If it was up to him he would have lived on fresh air!!
However at Xmas he watched 'The Worlds Strongest Man' and when we told him how much food they eat become strongmen he was fasinated and since then he's eaten virtually all of ever meal we give him...and he's done all himself!
Of course I'm not suggesting that you should start putting your DS in front of the TV to watch 'Strongman' However we did video it if you want to borrow it
I know this isn't exactly advise but I think it shows that you've got nothing to worry about.

Another boy here that wants feeding. Funny how they're all boys lol. Maybe its inbuilt in their genes to get a woman to do everything for them as they don't seem to get any better as they get older. Anyone else have a dp/dh who now finds it impossible to buy cards/presents even though they managed quite well before they found you?

Yup!

I still shovel in most of my son's (yes, it's another boy) food - he's just not really that interested in eating. He's just turned 2 and I do feel a bit guilty about not encouraging him to feed himself, and the fact that I still mash up and puree a lot of stuff. I agree with Ghosty though. I don't really think it's worth worrying about - he'll get the idea eventually and at least in the meantime he's getting a reasonable amount of nourishment and getting used to different tastes.

Yeah same here. My boy demanded to be fed when he was 3, my little girl isn't even 2 yet and she's feeding herself! I hate to say it, but I think it is a little boy thing! I don't know if it's later, but dd's fine motor skills were more advanced than ds's at the same age.

Well that has all been encouraging! Cheers Chicks! Its true about dh's and the card/pressie thing - my dh has forgotten my birthday 3yrs on the trot now!!!! Must be ingrained into a boys system to use and abuse! I heard somewhere that at 6wks in the womb, boys have their brains are flushed with testosterone (can't spell that!) which changes the way things connect to a girls!? Could explain alot huh!!!ha ha ha

Uh, oh, I must have a girl in disguise! DS (now 16 months) has been pretty well self-sufficient on the feeding front from about 13 months - now all we need to do is convince him that he isn't such a big boy that he's beyond spoons totally, as yoghurt with a fork takes AGES to eat

GillW, mine too! (not the fork bit, I haven't let him loose with one yet, but he has been fairly competent with a spoon since just before his first birthday). So I'm a bit sceptical about putting it down to testosterone!! Though I'm not sure if/how you can encourage the reluctant - fortunately ds just decided he wanted to do it.

Sorry people but me thinks you are being taken for a ride - there is no way I would still be spoon feeding a child at three. Sorry to sound harsh but they would be given food and spoon/fork and left to it - when they strop and play up, I would be firm and state quite clearly that you are not feeding them as they can do it themselves, if they didn't eat they would go without - there would be no biscuits or sweets in between meals and they would be very hungry come the next meal. No child will starve themselves!! I always of the thinking that as long as they are drinking they could go for days without food without coming to any harm - with that at the back of your mind you may succeed.

I agree it must be a boy thing, both my 4yo ds's will give up before the end of a meal and ask me to feed them. They are both good eaters, but will just waste the last bit if I refuse.
I remember my Mum telling me that she used to find it very comforting to be fed by my Gran, even when she was quite old. I think they just get board or tierd before the end of a meal.

Jaybee, I agree with you in principle. However ... ds (nearly 4) will eat the meat/fish part of his meal and then take ages over the veg/potatoes. I end up shoveling them in so that he can be finished in time for a bath! I think he would eat better if his dad didn't keep yelling at him - he enjoys the attention. And I can't put him to bed hungry or he keeps his sister awake. Being a typical boy, he also likes to have help getting dressed, although he is capable of doing it himself. Again, I have to give in and help him or we'd be late for school/playgroup. Dd by contrast did everything for herself by the time she was two.

Jaybee, how old were your kiddiewinkles before you took that line? It sounds like the way to go - but am thinking maybe ds is still abit young?? turns two at the end of the month. He gets frustrated more than anything as he doesn't get much on spoon/fork. I am just not sure how much I should be expecting from him!??? Younger sister wants to eat everything for herself and much prefers to eat finger foods than me spooning her dinner in but she is 11months - so will keep going there!! poor kids!

My DS is one of the self-feeders. Would not allow me near him from about 10 months (apart from for yoghurts/puddings). Obviously at that age a lot of it was finger feeding but now at 23 months he is pretty competent with a fork and spoon. His fine motor skills have always been more advanced than his gross motor skills (eg good at puzzles etc) and I think a lot of it is an inividual thing. Also in his case Independence (with a deliberate capital I) - the surest way of getting food scattered around my kitchen is to try to help him!!

essie - I guess if he's not good enough with the spoon yet then its not unreasonable to give him a helping hand - while trying to give him as much practice as possible! Also could you give plenty of finger foods so that he gets used to the idea of mostly feeding himself?
With my ds, I now make a very conscious effort to 'sit on my hands' and not intervene with his efforts - I think it does make him calmer.
I've found the following have helped him get better at feeding himself:

• texture of food - I try to make stuff that is quite stiff so that it sticks to the spoon
• shape of spoon - I started with a curvy boots spoon 'from 9 months' which was really useless - the bowl was so shallow food just fell off. I found the best design Heinz baby basics which has a nice deep bowl and an uncomplicated straight handle
• shape of bowl/plate - one with vertical sides is easiest to manage so that food tips into the spoon rather than over the brim
• colour of foods - I found ds always tries to spoon up any small piece of food of contrasting colour - like peas for example - so making things look a bit varied might provide some motivation for learning spooning skills.
• getting used to lots of wiping up afterwards... HTH.

Essie - I struggle to remember exact ages (ds is now 9 and dd is 6) but they had a spoon in their hands at every meal from very early, I have a photo of ds at 14 months eating chocolate pudding from a spoon (of sorts anyway - his whole face and hair was covered in the stuff) I have another of him at 16 months eating Frosties and milk from a spoon - by 12 months both mine would eat independently - lots of finger foods (pizza, tomatoes, fruit, sandwiches) plus some spooned stuff - very messy though!!

interesting. My friends boy is two and a half and I was horrified to watch her spoon feed him recently. I am glad to hear it is not too unusual!

Jasper our four year old ds regularly gets spoon fed by us - although he feeds himself at his childminders.

Thanks so much elliott and Jaybee. Shall attempt to keep out of his business abit more and see how we go! If we lived in UK I would jump up right now and go and buy those bits you suggested elliott! We live in S.Africa at the mo, and the quality of a lot of goods is VERY Poor, so am make doing with the best of a bad choice if that makes sense - still will keep an eye out! We also have one of those curved spoons from boots - with a curved fork - The thing with the plastic forks is that you really cant prod food on easily - so have given him my old baby fork that mum had still held onto!!! Works better - will definately aim to give him more space to feed self from now on!!! Thank you!