I have just realised that my kids are like feral animals around the kitchen and I have no control over their diet

[Cappuccino]

something needs to be done

they eat snacks

they don't eat their tea

they leave their tea

they scream because they can't have snacks

I told dd2 (3) today that she could have a flapjack when she had finished her bagel

she never even sat down for the bagel she was all over the damn place, then I found her eating a miniature Yorkie that she had found in a box (we never have them, we had them at the weekend for camping and they had been put away)

and her flapjack was in the garden in a flowerbed

when dd1 gets home from school she will get an orange, leave half of it lying around, moan that she is hungry, leave her tea, moan for dessert, moan some more, wander off, and then strop at 6.30 because she is hungry and wants 'supper' (ie biscuits, which we never even have in the damn house)

I can't get them to sit down and eat and I know it is supposed to be a lovely family time but it is like feeding a family of animals they don't stay still and they have their own agenda

and I did everything right we always do family mealtimes we are supposed to be sitting wonderfully around the table talking about our day and being Good Family but they WON'T PLAY NICELY and they are out of control and I do not know what to do

Message withdrawn

You could also try telling them how you'd like it to be, give them verbal warning about what they'll get, and when, and what will happen if they don't eat it. I know the LO is 3, but some of it may go in.

Do you eat with them? If not, at least have a cup of tea while they're eating (also a useful time to flick through the junk mail, I find).

Don't be too afraid of bribery either. I tell DS he doesn't have to finish his meal (I hate the idea of forcing down food) but if he doesn't eat a decent amount then it's obviously because he's not hungry so doesn't need anything else.

This has led to me giving DD some ice-cream just to make a point that he can't have any. Sounds harsh but he really does understand that I mean it when I say he has to eat.

Also has to ask to get down, thank whoever has cooked, no food or drink anywhere but kitchen unless I say so. God I'm like Hitler!

OK still reading so apologies if I'm repeating.

You said Cappy "I just want to shout 'come for tea dds' and it be fine"

Well that's what I do with my dds (aged 11 and 9) and have been able to do since about the age of three. However I did have to go through all the crap hard work first. There is no easy way round it! If I had a pound for every time I said to dd2 "turn round and sit on your bottom" I would be very, very rich .

It doesn't matter about cheerios or white bread (cheerios may get you stoned by the anti-nestle but they are the lowest in sugar compared to the various shop own ones).

If they have balanced nutrition for the rest of the day then give them whatever they will eat for breakfast.

I was anti anything other than plain cereals for breakfast (rice crispies, cornflakes, that's about it), then I realised that DC have sod all in the way of other sugar (rarely chocolate, biscuits or pudding - crap mum with pudding) so sugar breakfast was ok. Still avoid choc breakfasts though due to it being a Treat all my life

Anyway.

Snacks - one snack in morning, one in afternoon. Fruit/veg is a free for all. Ignore the whining.

Dinner - do they like what you are making them? Mine eat a lot better when me n DH are eating with them (I cannot do the sitting watching them eat thing - they either eat alone whilst I mumsnet clean, or we eat together. Make their portions smaller with seconds available - less daunting.

Miaou they have all got out of kilter because I have been ill for the last year so have been taking the easy way on a lot of things

so I am just getting back to normal I am realising the impact that has had on their behaviour

(read this thread for ways to develop your 'I mean it' voice, btw)

Oh, and NO-ONE leaves the table until we are all finished.

Mine have porridge for breakfast with another cereal. Toast or other bready item. Fruit if still hungry and sometimes home made fruit muffins.

is this a job for 100x and How To Talk So Kids Will Obey Listen?

Message withdrawn

I am at least 3 posts behind everything today.

Agree to sort behaviour or food at different times.

Slowly slowly catchy monkey....if you start casually muttering 'oh no, we're not doing that anymore' will there be tantrums or sullen acceptance?

I read the book

but they have no feelings to acknowledge

and I am aware that I am tired and making everything sound worse

I have just reread my OP and realised that I was a bit ruined during it

Ah well then cappy (sorry didn't realise you had been ill), all is not lost

Why not start with small steps? Eg a snack (drink and some grapes), if they sit at the table to eat it they get a sticker and lots of praise? Then move on to meals as well?

I also have a "no going in the cupboards and helping yourself" rule (relaxed a little now as ds1 watches the dds when they are cooking/baking, but still he is only allowed to get certain things out at the right time, eg cheerios (HAHAHA!!) at breakfast time). Stops them helping themselves.

And I don't know if you do this (it's not clear from what I have read) but you simply can't expect them to sit at the table and eat if you don't sit there with them. Horribly, tediously boring I know, but it's the ONLY way. If they are being stupendously slow I use the time to write a shopping list/clear the receipts out of my purse etc, anything I can do sitting at the table with them apart from reading!)

lol at 'no feelings to acknowledge'

Can you persuade them to have feelings? Or just tell them?

"You feel very sad about that, you do you know, honestly, I can tell. Sad, you feel sad SSAAAAADDDDNNNNEEEEESSSSSSSS! Sorry you feel sad, now eat yer damn cereal or we'll all be crying."

On the other hand, that might be cruel.

So, Capp, what are you going to do when DD1 gets home from school? And at tea time.

Talk us thru it. Baby steps, now!

What about - if you sit for 5 minutes and eat you get 1p, 10 minutes 2p - using the kitchen timer as required?

um

er

I think this is getting on top of me today because I am tired

let's see

I am going to give them an orange

at the table

oh yes

Perfect! See, it's going to be fine!

.........

Is there orange everywhere?

babysteps - good idea

Work on one thing at a time.

How'd it go