family meals - any ideas how to get there?

[elliott]

My ds is now 13 months and is a great eater. However, I find I'm still preparing most of his food separately (I cook in bulk and freeze) and I'd like to get his meals integrated more with ours. There are two issues - firstly, trying to find things we can all eat and enjoy, and secondly, trying to find mealtimes when we can all eat together.
DH and I are both competent cooks and don't use much convenience food, DH doesn't eat meat so our family food is all veggie or fish - any ideas for good quick family meals (we spend about 30 mins max in the kitchen on a weekday) would be welcome. Or a down-to-earth cookbook (not Annabel KArmel)?

On a weekday its not really practical to have supper with ds - we can't start cooking till about 6.15, which would be too late for ds who is really ready for sleep by 7pm. But it would be a start at least to be able to give ds the previous night's leftovers! The only mealtime we could realistically have as a family would be weekend lunch (or an early weekend tea, but then dh and I would be starving by bedtime!) However at the moment I tend to give ds his lunch around 11.30 (he is ravenous by then) -something substantial and usually meaty - and then we eat during his nap - something much lighter like soup and bread or salad. It is very easy and convenient but I do feel that we should be trying to share mealtimes more now, for ds's sake.

I'd be interested to hear how anyone else has managed this - it must be possible, but somehow it just seems easier to grab a few cubes of stuff from the freezer and know it will be ready in 5 minutes!

Elliott, our youngest d.s. is 14 months, so around the same age as yours. He, too, is a great eater and basically has always eaten the same food as the rest of the family (with exception of hot curries etc.), pureed until about 8 or 9 months and after that, roughly chopped. If we have spag bol, for example, his is just chopped up enough so I can feed it to him with a spoon. I always give him something to hold such as bread, if we are eating together - that way he doesn't get too frustrated having to wait and I can wolf down my own lunch before it gets stone cold!

I don't have much advice as TBH, we only eat together at weekend lunches for similar reasons to yours, although the kids all eat tea together every day. I try not to worry too much about d.s. using his fingers either. I go for lots of easy stuff too such as fish fingers so d.s. can feed himself. A tip I have picked up is when making soup for my kids, I rip up loads of bread and put it into d.s.'s bowl - it stops it being so sloppy and more of it gets into his mouth! Not the most attractive sight in the world, but the kids are at least eating the same healthy food! I'm sure you'll have loads more sensible advise though!!

Since DS was about 10 months we have pretty much shared all our meals (both times and food). I can't remember when he dropped morning milk but we have breakfast at about 8. Then he had a snack (could be quite substantial eg a banana and some grapes) about 10, then lunch together sometime between 11.30 and 1.30 (depends when I want his nap, then something when he wakes up and maybe a little later and then evening meal between 6 and 7 with bedtime milk at 7.30 ish.

He goes to nursery 3 days a week when he has breakfast there on arrival at 8, a small snack (eg breadstick) at 10, lunch at 11.30, snack at 2, tea at 4, another tea with us at 6.30 and milk at 7.30. I've fitted much of our routine around the nursery one. In order to eat at 6.30 when I don't get in until 6.15 I have to cook double/triple and freeze/reheat on these days.

There's a good thread on meals to freeze re someone (Enid) nesting and wanting to fill the freezer with meals for post-baby. Most of these would suit all of you and some are fish based. Fish pie sounds a good starter.

Just read Oxocube's message - and although we have always made an effort to eat with DS the impetus for the same food came from him. There is no way at 13/14 months that he would have let me feed him anything but a pudding (and only then if I dipped my finger in and stuck it in his mouth to give him the taste). And he has always checked the contents of our plates. And yes at that age it was very messy/slow letting him eat spag bol., cauli cheese, stew etc with his fingers. But now at 22 months he is very competent with spoon/fork but will revert to fingers when he feels like it....Also at that age I often used to put his food (eg his first Christmas dinner)directly on the tray because he would tip the dish everywhere.

We've started having about 75% of our meals shared now ds can eat competently with a fork on his own (before then it was just too much hassle to keep stopping... feeding him a bit then starting again by which point your food was cold!). We've adjusted quite well against expectations to all eating at 5pm (obviously lunch at 12 isn't too much of an effort) - we don't tend to share a dessert with ds (we're not hungry enough then) and will have a snack/dessert around 8ish after ds is asleep.

I also have loads of bulk stuff in the freezer though just for ds - very handy when you've been out and only have a few mins to make a meal - we then eat after ds is asleep.

Oh ds is 20mths. We started eating together more about 18mths I think...

thanks for the comments so far - I should add that feeding ds is no longer an issue - ds manages really well with a spoon, prefers it to using his fingers!
I can't really think what is stopping us - I think we've just got into a comfortable and efficient pattern, and anything else seems like harder work! I don't freeze our food (freezer not big enough primarily) but could possibly get supper ready early enough on some days. I've thought about things like scrambled egg or cheese on toast for shared lunches. I know I need to get him more used to eating the things we eat - but often find there's nothing left over!

Oh also agree with the eating the same food as we like rather than making a special effort. We've always encouraged ds to try everything (and if he doesn't like/eat something then that's fine but he doesn't get an alternative) - which sounds a bit harsh written down but in practise is rarely an issue - he'll easily make up on another meal if he didn't eat well on the previous one!

We also discovered very early on that ds loves roast dinners so we try and make the effort at the weekend to make one now where we never bothered before.

It was hard work to start with, I have to admit, elliott! But I'm starting to find it much easier and it means I get more time to myself while ds sleeps which is a huge bonus. It's now more hard work to go back to the old pattern!

GeorginaA, yes I think its going to be a matter of adjusting/evolving new patterns - a bit painful at first! I think it might be easiest to start with weekends. Meat is also a bit of an issue - at the moment I have to prepare it all separately for ds, and I am quite keen that he has it several times a week for the iron etc. DH has said in principle that he will start eating meat occasionally, but I can tell he's not really that keen - has so far refused all tastes of my delicious homemade beefburgers and chicken nuggets!!

Yes, that does sound a bit more complicated. I suppose I'm lucky in that I'm the fussiest eater in our family, so as long as I make something I like we're fine ;o)

Elliott, with DS (no 1) I did make his own stuff for ages, but once DD (no 2) was here it seemed so much hassle. she's 18mo and has been eating what we eat for months and months. Certainly from a year old a child can eat anything a grown-up eats (apart from obvious exceptions; wd still avoid shellfish and of course whole nuts, olives etc). As far as meals together goes, yes, it's an excellent idea (read somewhere recently that the family meal together is largely a thing of the past in these days of convenience food which seems a real shame.) If you can both cook and don't use convenience food then you're halfway there. Pasta with tomato or other veg sauces, fish in a simple sauce, cauli cheese, baked potatoes, veg soups, risotto, all fairly quick to make and veggie plus good and filling. Mine actually eat at childminders most weekdays but we do make an effort at weekends and on DH's or my days off. Always try to have b/fast with them too (the other morning DS, 3.5, saw me rushing about with weetabix in one hand and hairbrush in the other and said, Mummy, you must eat something! so sweet.) I know what you mean about early teatime, how about having cooked meal at lunch and just a sandwich for you all at tea; you and DH can always have some fruit or yogurt later. I just think when chldren see others eating too they will just eat much better. And the best thing is if you've had tea together, there's no cookign to do at 7.30 when they are finally in bed so hurrah! you can just settle down to the ironing instead LOL.

Elliott, lucky you for having a baby with lovely table manners!! I give d.s. a fork and spoon but if I turn my back for a second, his hands are in the weetabix! For family meals, how about things such as veggie lasagne, fish pies or even just a nice plate of cheese, bread and fruit. It seems a shame for your d.h. to compromise his values and your d.s. could always have the meat protein for lunch through the week. Agree about the Sunday roast, btw: all my kids love it!! Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Yes, anything pasta based is a big hit in our household! I've got a nice vegetarian lasagne recipe if you're interested... (assuming I can post it here?)

Must admit that our DS (22 months) has been more or less fed on leftovers since he started solids! From 9 months I never cooked anything separate - just mushed up whatever we were having with a few obvious exceptions! I always cook 'from scrath' & have the advantage of two freezers which does make things a lot easier. His absolute favourite is vegetables in cheese sauce which I make loads of at a time.

Regarding the evening meal timing, I agree it is very difficult & personally I don't really like eating early - although I know it is meant to be better for you. DH is often away/late so then I do try to eat early with DS, sometimes, like tonight DH will be home early so we will all eat together but otherwise DS eats around 6pm & we eat together at 8pm. Not ideal, but I make sure I always sit down with DS to make an 'occasion' of the meal.

Before we has DS we used to eat at 7.30 at the earliest so 6.30 has been a struggle but I would definitely say I'd prefer that than having to start cooking after putting DS to bed at 7.45. What about trying couscous with veggies chopped up in it. DS is not keen on sandwiches but will do baked beans with bread on the side (not quite up to cutting toast up yet), soup and bread, scrambled eggs and bread, tuna salad, egg salad etc. Don't get far with cheese on toast - he just pokes the cheese (ie makes indentations with his finger). Baked beans absolute fave at the moment. Can add frozen veg (eg sweetcorn) to this as well.

We really only eat together at Weekends, but I often try to do a cooked breakfast then (on a good day) and make an occasion of it, then a lightish lunch and early tea for all of us. Often then DH and I will have supper/snack later. My No2 is 22 months and this has seemed to work for ages, but luckily she's not starving when she wakes up. If so I'll give them a snack before breakfast(!) Then a late breakfast.

During the week I'll sit down with them during supper if I'm home in time from work (and have a cup of tea or whatever).

Family meals are difficult, but i do insist they eat the same sort of food as us.

thanks again for tips. This week I managed to give ds some of our evening meal (the next day) on 2 days, and we are going to try and eat at the same time at the weekends. I'm sure we'll get there somehow!!

Before dd came along myself and dh would eat our tea whilst watching The Simpsons. This carried on until she was about 8 or 9 months old and I realised that I couldn't get her concentration on what she was eating, she was far too busy watching telly with us. From then on I insisted that we eat properly in the dining room for our meals. It is a bit of an effort, but well worth it as we can now have conversations, and both dh and dd will notice what they are eating, whereas I don't think they ever did before! It's much more comfy too than balancing a plate on your knee and having the sauces etc, on the floor by your feet!