If you aren't labelling food 'good' or 'bad'...

[Curiosityaintgotmeyet]

How do you encourage a determined child to eat fruit and veg?

I’m talking about plain, visible options like carrots, cucumbers, apples, and bananas—not hidden in sauces or smoothies!

If this has never been a challenge for you or isn’t a route you’re taking, feel free to scroll on and have a lovely day. 😊

My 3.5-year-old is incredibly strong-willed. Since weaning, I’ve struggled to get her to eat 99% of fruits and vegetables. We’ve taken a “food is food” approach, avoiding labels like “good” or “bad,” and focused on gently teaching about balance—what different foods do for our bodies, why variety matters, and how sugar gives energy but isn’t enough on its own. (It’s been educational for me too! See the v basic/simplified image below) This worked brilliantly with my eldest, but my youngest simply will not budge.

I’ve tried a range of techniques over the years (playing, explaining, reoffering the same meal next time she's hungry, removing the other snacks so that only fruit and veg is available), but nothing seems to make a difference. I’ve even reluctantly tested the “no veg, no dessert” method out of desperation—it didn’t work. She’s skipped multiple meals and the snacks in between, holding out until milk at bedtime, and while it’s clear no harm came of it, it didn’t feel right. Honestly, I kind of admire her grit, but it’s exhausting.

She does get fruit and veg in hidden forms, like pasta sauces and smoothies, so I know she’s covered nutritionally. But my question is: how do you get a child to willingly eat visible fruits and vegetables? Ideally, without bribery, threats, or force—I want her to understand balance and long term develop a positive relationship with food. Playing the long game here.

My husband has (jokingly) reached the point of 'maybe we should just keep offering but not forcing the issue and if she's unhealthy when she's older we'll explain that she was too strong-willed for us and has brought it on herself. I mean if she was 15 I'd probably agree, but she's 3...surely this is just part of the parenting package?

Any advice or tried-and-tested ideas would be hugely appreciated!

Thank you.

Sometimes you just need some outside sources, which aren't google, to reassure you all is well! We don't have family around, or matriarchs or friends with older kids. Basically got here on instinct 😂 and realising my first child lulled me into a sense of false security!!

I only have one thing to add: dig in for the long game. Because you have a degree of control over what a toddler or a tween eats. But once they start secondary and they get off the school bus next to the corner shop armed with their own spending money, there is nothing you can do. That was a long, long 2 year phase 😬

Don't stress about it, toddlers taste buds change to make fruits and veg taste bitter, it's left over from our Hunter-Gatherer days to stop the tots picking up the wrong berries. They grow out of it.

Don't have junk food in the house and keep that just for parties / Christmas and other special occasions.

Monkey see - monkey do: Offer fruit and veg and eat in front of them modeling good habits.

A bowl of fruit with a little squirt of squirty cream and a couple of sprinkles when watching a film instead of popcorn.

You may find it's a texture thing - DD loves whole mangos but hates sliced as they are slimy, same for whole banana Vs sliced banana, fresh grapes Vs frozen grapes (obviously don't give frozen grapes to a 3 year old).

Give a multivitamin just incase

We tried the approach in that little blighters book and it didn't really work for us. I do like the ethos of the parent deciding what to provide and the child deciding how much/ what parts of it to eat, but i find the older DD gets the more she feels 'braver' to try things she's previously rejected.

In the example if putting the food on the table and letting everyone choose, I'd probably try to avoid always having the favourite option of bread and cream cheese available.

We tend to talk about healthy foods, and unhealthy foods, but that unhealthy doesn't mean bad or not allowed, just that they are more for a treat, or something to eat occasionally.

Now i tend to make whatever i decide, and if i think she won't like it I serve at least one thing with it that I know she'll eat (e.g cucumber, but thay might be more tricky if they don't like any veg).

I think it's helpful to talk about food, and what different properties different foods have, and why you need a balance, but i agree it's best to avoid it being a battle if you can.

Fruit and veg have inconsistent texture - blueberries last week might have been crunchy, this week a bit softer. Hence it's ok blended in a smoothie or sauce because the flavour is ok but the texture of the whole fruit/veg is not.

Things in packages, especially beige things, are consistent in their texture and flavour.

For now, I'd just keep offering and ask questions around the refusal to see if there are any patterns. But it's also ok not to like everything - I can't stand peas, never did as a child and I'm 50 now.

It’s definitely about perseverance and the long game. DS1 was a dream and so it took me completely by surprise when DS2 decided he was fussy. I remember the meals when I would serve fajitas and his would just be a cheese wrap, or it would be stir fry or curry and rice for everyone else and he’d just eat plain rice. We rolled with it and alternated with the hidden veg meals so we new he was getting some nutrition. I think it took about three years before he’d reliably eat all the bits in a fajita. He progressed slowly adding fresh salsa first because DH reminded him that he quite liked a cheese and tomato sandwich at nursery and that would be similar. Then he added the chicken and peppers, then the refried beans and finally the guacamole. No fuss now, but now his little brother has taken over. DS3 likes to try different coloured foods. His favourite colour is pink so we try beetroot, radish and red cabbage often. He likes orange too but definitely not green. Hopefully he’ll get there too one day.

The only options were the food is prepared which was what I'd call normal meals but on the table in separate serving dishes with a range of things that would cover the likes of each child.

Stating the obvious but each vegetable in its own serving dish, meat or whatever in another so not making lots of different meals but allowing choices to suit different tastes.

Maybe I'm wrong but as I don't eat foods I don't like I don't expect a child to do so either and across 21 meals each week I was happy enough that there was a nutritious balance

I very much subscribed to the everyone fed, no one dead type of parenting but I realize I'm pretty laid back and it doesn't suit everyone

We just always have it around, they see us eat it and it’s delicious. I think maybe you’ve been a bit too high pressure. She’s only 3. It’s too much. If at 10, she refuses to eat a banana or a carrot stick, then something to worry about. But mostly, we’ve always just made it not a big deal and offered lots of variety and we eat loads of fruit and veg ourselves so it’s a significant portion of every meal. I do often put veg on a platter in the middle of the table for them to serve themselves. This seems to actually encourage more enthusiasm because they don’t want the other one to eat it all. But I don’t think that’s necessarily a foolproof trick. It’s just always having it as a big part of what we eat and not applying pressure. We definitely don’t discuss any concept of good/bad foods as I don’t buy into that at all.

I'm actually with your husband. We just put food down on the plate and then it's up to DC what they eat. We all eat together and usually eat the same food. Most of our food is homemade and healthy. Snacks are usually fruit too but on occasion crisps or biscuits.

I think when you start pressuring or overcomplicated things that's where issues arise. I think children are going to eat or not what's on their plate and making food a battle ground just makes things worse.