Somebody please calm me down with reference to ds' (non) eating!

[TheApprentice]

Aaarghh! Ds, aged 15 months, is driving me to distraction with his fussy eating right now. I know, I know, this is supposed to be normal but I can't help panicking that a) he's not getting the right nutrition and b) he's picking up bad eating habits.

He will eat any number of bread-type products, biscuits and cakes (of course), yoghurt, cheese sticks and fruit. But I'm having a real battle with the "main courses". Sometimes he will eat pasta, but at lunch today he refused to eat any of it, despite quite happily gobbling it down 2 days ago. For his tea I have just cooked fishy stars, peas, butternut squash and he is absolutely refusing to touch it, although he's having great fun playing with it and throwing it on the floor.

If he doesnt eat any of the first course, I tend to relent and give him a yoghurt or cheese and fruit anyway as I feel he should be eating something - but is the wrong approach do you think? (and yes, I do try to limit the biscuits etc).

I am trying to remain calm at all times, but need some advice/reassurance from all you who have been here before!

Yes, completely normal, try not to stress about it! DS is graduallly getting better (he actually ate a couple of grapes today after refusing all fruit but apples for months) but still won't eat a lot of foods (he's 18 mo). The only bad habit you can set up is making mealtimes stressful and a point of conflict

oh yes, I remember it well.

DD was great but DD was horror for food. My advice is don't let him see you reacting (sobbing as you scrape more lovingly homecooked food into the bin!!), continue giving him dinner on plate in front of him, always eat with him so he learns by example, give him the food he likes but try something new every few days, hunks of cooked veg so he can pick it up himself is more appealing than a pile of something like mash potato or mashed carrot.

and breathe.....

my DS is now 6.5 and asks me for "those green leaves things" (savoy cabbage) every night, he now eats every veg and loves them.

I would try to avoid giving in to the cheese, biscuits etc route because he really is learning a bad habit at this stage. ie - that mummy will always make something else so I never have to eat what she cooks. The best piece of advice I ever got was someone who once said to me that no child with access to food ever starved! - so gird your loins, stick to our guns and he will get there in the end.

Thank you. I am practising taking deep breaths! I must admit that dh and I are bad at the eating with him thing. I manage breakfast but he is often napping over my lunch (I am pregnant so need to eat!),but #i suppose I could always save a bit to eat with him. He has tea at 5.30, before dh gets home so that one is harder. We try to eat with him at weekends though.

The thing is I don't really know what he likes as he keeps refusing foods previously enjoyed!

Eating with him is important too as it means you are thinking about what YOU are eating and not so focused on him.
I eat with the DCs every night - if they have cheese on toast (for example) I'll have one slice with them and then eat my proper evening meal when DH gets home.

I heard something like: you choose what goes on their plate, but they choose what goes in their mouth. Provide him with nutritious stuff and then let him choose how hungry he is. My DD goes through weeks when she eats practically nothing, but then is suddenly ravenous again!

As a last resort you could just serve him really simple food. When I get sick of the DCs being too fussy and not finishing meals, then I serve rice cakes with peanut butter and cottage cheese, corn on the cob and olives. Healthy but really easy to assemble, so not so heartbreaking if they don't eat it. After a few days of that for tea, they are ready for more adventurous food again.

He sounds like a great eater compared to my DS2. Some children are just born like it. DD and DS1 would anything and still do. DS2 totally different. What has worked for us is not to put any pressure on him and not show any emotions at all at the table. We don't even look at him as it puts him off (he is 3). He likes to eat just a few tiny mouthfuls of different things at every meal time and he likes to eat lots of little meals throughout the day. He still has never eaten a piece of fruit in his life, whilst my 2 other children are 5-a-day children and always have been.

The best advice I ever got at this stage, was to think about what they've had "this week", rather than "today", as over a period of 7 days you will usually find they've had what they need. i.e if they eat very little one day, they will make up for it a few days later.

Re the variety, this comes and the less fuss you make the better. Food is the only thing they can really control at this age - you can't actually "make" them eat, so it is important not to let it become a battle you can't win. Try to eat at least some meals with him, so he sees what you eat and eventually (could take 3-4 years!) he will want to join you. Also keep offering v. small helpings of the things he doesn't like, but no fuss if he doesn't eat them.

I have always done the no pudding until main course eaten rule. Always worked a treat for DS1, but DS2 would often rather go without than finish his meat (but he is getting better, now age 4)

Another thing, I disagree with the no pudding unless you eat the main course philosophy. For us it has really been important to make food into something positive and nice. My DS2 has often eaten ice cream for breakfast because that's what he wanted. I know I know....but he is expanding into new food territory because he is experiencing that food can be nice. He didn't actually eat anything at all before he was 14 months.....

TheApprentice I am going through the exact same thing with DS (14mo) -- in fact I wrote a despairing thread about it yesterday, which was a particularly bad day.

Anyway I have decided that when he refuses food it simply goes in the bin and I move on to the next course (so he will generally have a few mouthfuls of main, then eat all a fruit pot). Also if he refuses a meal he's previously liked, I'll leave it a few days then try again.

He is also teething (molars) so I am not giving him anything too lumpy as that seems to give him problems.

It is very stressful but I am trying not to show it too much! Perhaps we should have a fussy eaters support thread?

I can remember being very stressed about my ds refusing to eat anything much other than chocolate fromage frais, when he was a toddler. I used to really dread meal times and consulted my hv and gp in desperation.

He is now nearly 14, 5' 8" tall and will eat anything - in fact he is very adventurous in that he will give anything a try once.We now have to stop him from raiding the pantry too often.

It's hard going through it but it will get better - honest !

my ds went through this stage but found he ate better without me there as he played up if i was there when left to his own devises he just got on with it

i stopped letting him snack on any food that may fill him up and always nothing for an hour to hour and half before meals and remember for his age its one tablespoon per portion so what we see as not enough may be enough

when i made my ds dinner to this preportion i found he ate it maybe it looked daunting with lots of food on a plate

Thank you all for the encouragement and the advice! Didnt know it was one tablespoon, so maybe I put too much out at tea!

Meg Busett a fussy eaters thread is a great idea - it is so comforting to think someone else is going through the same thing.

I think perhaps I need to compromise - maybe offer the yoghurt or fruit pot as I would do if he ate his main course, butnot start offering alternatives like cheese and breadsticks etc if he refuses the savoury part.

ds at 18 months decided he would eat nothing but fromage frais. And I mean NOTHING. This went on for 5 weeks. I was hysterical.

Then - he would eat only beige food for a further 2 years, eg pasta, biscuits, Readybrek. And I tried every strategy, trick, persuasive tactic, threat, begging, everthing. He was still a nightmare eater until he was 7.

Today, aged 9, he has the appetite of six horses and will eat and try absolutely anything and everything.

So try not to worry!

DD 17 months now and I have really struggled from day one with solid foods. Tips I can pass on that have worked for us. Try and work out what he does like and see if there is a theme for my DD its she won't eat anything mixed up or sauces so its separate plain rice, plain mince, plain bed. It took me 14 months to work that one out.

Try getting him to feed himself - a fork and spearing is more fun for a toddler than a spoon.

Play music/give him a toy - it eases the tension DD doesn't need to now but it really helped at the beginning I think she picked up on my stress and the music and dancing to eating helped us both.

I disagree with give them what you want to eat and if they don't eat it they won't starve themselves brigade - I believe a better way is to introduce one new food to each meal. It took 8 months for DD to like rice, 9 months for carrots.

Dont expect them to like what they used to like - their tastes seem to change.

I offer only one alternative to main course if she doesn't like anything cheese&crackers etc.. Give him puidding don't make it a reward then he will see it as nice food and distinguish it from nasty food. I give fruit at lunch time and yoghurt ice cream at teatime usually.

Sorry to ramble on but I've had 11 months of it! DD went through two months of often eating only 6 peas at lunchtime. I feel I can write a book on this topic as I've read every book on the subject!

Oh don't disregard snacking - why should they only eat 3 meals a day - you can let him healthy snack all day if he wants to - just try and make it balanced. Sometimes they are so engrossed in what they are doing that leaving a plate nearby they can end up eating alot of food in a very distracted manner.

lots of useful tips, thanks. Am feeling reassured!

Sounds like you ds is getting all of the food groups and judge nutrician over a week not a day! My dd has set mealtimes where she sees me or all of us eat so she learns the social function but she is allowed snacks outside of those meals and if she points to the fruit bowl and say 'pees' she gets what she wants. Sorry to say none of my dcs have had fussy phases but I don't think they really taste food that well as all have eaten olives, asparagus and sprouts!! A good HV (yes there are some) told me it's perfectly natural not to like bitter tastes, that's how we've evolved to recognise 'bad' flavours as not good.
My ds found a chocolate mouse that FC left in 2004, sell by 2005, and ate it only yesterday saying it didn't taste bad.... you can't have it all!!!

This book is brilliant by the way. Very reassuring. My daughter is similar. Eats a wide variety of food, but hardly anything. I'm of the school, if she's hungry she will eat, so she rarely gets pudding.

I have a very fussy dc3. I find the most successful eating is around other children. He suddenly wants what everyone else is having!