Non upf for fussy eaters / food refusers

[Needathickskin]

Really struggling here with our six and four year old who refuse to eat the food I prepare.

I’m a capable cook, and spend time to research and prepare healthy and nutritious meals. I’ve read countless threads on here with non upf food ideas.

But I’m so bored, frustrated and completely fed up with making a meal and bringing it to the table, only to have the children sit there and refuse to eat. I could cry. Food is so expensive and I can’t bear to see the waste.

This isn’t me asking for recipe ideas. I just don’t know how to make them eat.
I end up shouting at them - no one is happy. I absolutely hate mealtimes.

It's so difficult, particularly when you put so much effort into producing a meal. Easier said the done but you need to take the emotion out of meal times. Try not to coach or comment about the food at meal times. Lay out your expectation before the meal and make no comment when the food is in front of them. Eat your own meal and make general chit chat, if you finish and they aren't eating, take away plates with no comment.

Good advice. What do you do when they don’t eat it? I wouldn’t offer anything else. Can you get them involved in choosing meals and cooking so they feel it’s their decision? If there’s UPFs they like, can you make homemade versions, ie homemade pizza, homemade chicken goujons. And I’d never make a meal just for the kids - cook one meal, they eat it or don’t, no other options, and then you can freeze the leftovers or eat next day.

Ensure each meal has a food they will eat so no one goes hungry. There is no harm in giving very simple food from time to time e.g grilled chicken, rice and broccoli to give you a break from cooking meals that get rejected.

For my fussy eater I make sure nothing is mixed. So carb separate to sauce. Meat, carb, veg usually best.
Also agree on the no commenting and no cajoling. It's taken me ages to step back.
Also give healthy pudding eg fruit or yogurt regardless of how much eaten.

I think you need to remove food waste and emotion out of this equation.

It's a classic that the longer you spend preparing something the less kids will eat it.

Lots of kids go really restrictive at those ages but it calms down again.

Start by working backwards - what foods do they eat that you are happy to serve?

Worry less about complete meals and add individual ingredients / healthy picky bits as side servings.

I tend to do a mix of a few whole meals - something that I'd eat as a grown up chilli/ casserole/ curry and more where everything is very plain and separate. So they're still used to 'proper dinners' but also are having lots of healthy easy meals that they are comfortable with.

I think maybe work on changing how you feel about them eating/not eating as well as you simply cannot make them eat.
Imagine your maybe not that hungry and your having to sit down and eat a meal that not of your choosing and you maybe don't like the look or smell of and to top it off the chef is saying eat this bit, try it, take a bit and getting cross with you.

Serving dishes on the table for the children to help themselves cuts down on what is actually thrown away as you can reuse what gets left in the dish:
We used to have some random combinations on the table as I tried to always include something that would definitely be eaten.
Try and include the children in the meal preparation. It doesn't have to be cooking as I didn't always have the patience for that but mine used to love setting the table and putting out candles and napkins and fancy glasses then asking Alexa for relevant music. It seems daft on a wet Wednesday evening but it gets them looking forward to sitting down to eat.
Make it clear they don't have to put anything on their plate that they don't want to, but discourage negative comments from them about the food, don't comment about what they're eating/not eating, don't cajole or pester them. If they eat great, if they don't then ok.
I appreciate it's frustrating but it can so easily become a miserable battle of will which, let's be honest isn't conducive to them wanting to eat.
This approach really worked with my two fussy eaters. Now they eat things that I don't like. Have in the back of your mind it's your job to serve a varied, nutritious meal and it's their job to eat it or not eat it.

just to clarify - we don’t mix sauces, and the children are involved in choosing and often preparing the food (eg homemade pizza and chicken goujons). Still won’t eat it.

we will often have eg grilled chicken/other meat and separate veg or salad picky bits. Touch and go whether they will eat anything or not.
The waste and sheer expense of preparing food (meat) that no one eats really upsets me

I'd definitely try serving bowls on the table but I'd start with really simple buffet style food, maybe cubes of cheese, chicken goujons, salad (maybe separate cucumber, tomato etc.) that sort of thing and see how it goes. If that works then expand from there gradually.