10 year old daughter eating habits

[Elstressio]

Hi. Before I begin is it ok for dad's to post on here?

Yes it's fine.

Ok brilliant, I wasn't sure.
Anyway I'm looking for knowledge, advice, reassurance about my daughters eating or lack thereof which is causing serious stress and issues.

I'd say it's more based around extremely fussy eating as she only eats carbs (toast, plain pasta,chips,white rice and crisps) it's actually annoying me typing this now as it's gone on for too long. I make homemade soup which has to be blitzed and then she will only have a tiny dip with some bread and will never try with a spoon. Breakfast is either bagel or toast or occasionally dry cereal. My daughter is vegetarian so doesnt eat meat. sweets,crisps and treats are eaten and too often if I'm been honest which I accept responsibility for.

I'm sure there's more but any feedback is welcome

How old is she?

My son was like this and was diagnosed with ARFID a couple of years ago.
He's an adult now but as a child he really only ate carbs.

He was also diagnosed with autism as an adult (autism is common in people with ARFID).

Have your got any other children?

10

ARFID might be a possibility? Honestly I'd just go with it, allow her as much of the food she likes as possible, encourage her to try other foods but put her under no pressure to eat them.

I was a lot like your dd as a child.

The vegetarian thing would bother me a bit, is that a recent decision?

I'd also make sure she's taking a decent multivitamin.

My son ate dry cereal too!
He said he hated milk.
He was breastfed for a long time and never had formula or cows milk because he hated the taste.

Some children have trouble with textures and flavours.

My son is vegan now and mainly lives on Huel.

Any sensory issues?
my son has spd and autism and basically all he eats is beige bland food and frozen peas frozen, with the occasional piece of fruit.
he has toasted un buttered bagels, buttered crackers, plain potatoes, plain jackets, occasional pizza slice, plain cereal, plain rice, plain pasta, Yorkshire puddings, beans and corn on the cob.
He used to eat roast chicken or chicken dippers but doesn’t anymore and his consultant said if that’s all he’ll eat and he’s happy then just ensure he has decent vitamin supplements.

My DD now 18 is the same. Most meal times became a battle ground until she decided to cook or heat up things herself and going to a restaurant is hard work and an embarrassing challenge. First she stopped eating meat then her diet became more and more white bland and beige. In the past she has say favoured beans on toast and had that most days for most meal times. Until she sickens herself and moves onto the next food obsession and then she gets tired of that. She now eats only a very limited amount of veg and no fruit at all unless in a smoothie.

Have a look at this https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/

Although she will have certain odd things which contradicts this like say a certain curry sauce, balsamic vinegar and oil and margarita pizza that don’t fit with the above.

My son will eat a chickpea curry, and that's the healthiest thing he consumes.

Thank you. I have a son too who eats great and will try anything.
I will look into afrid.

No it was my kids mums decision whom is a vegan. I went with it initially but now i regret it.

Every meal is a battle and I dread it to be honest. Yet I could go to a restaurant and she will eat pizza and sometimes Mac n cheese. It's infuriating and a constant worry

Are you finding it difficult to cook for her?

If you accept that she just doesn't like particular tastes and textures, and stop getting upset about it, you may find that life calms down for you on this issue.

It sounds like you're getting annoyed about your DD not accepting things you cook - I do understand that - but if she won't eat anything else, I'd go with it.

It makes life much easier if you're not butting heads with your daughter over food. Let her be.

But make sure she has an iron-rich multivitamin every day.

What I'm trying to say is that if this is ARFID you'll never get her to eat anything other than the foods she considers safe.

It's problematic only if you make it so. I'm not trying to have a go at you, but just speaking from experience.

I have four children and one has ARFID. Another isn't keen on quite a lot of ordinary foods. The other two will eat absolutely anything at all. The two with issues are both autistic, and so am I. I have no issues with food myself - I will eat anything.

You won't win a battle of wills when you're dealing with this. Obviously, your daughter may not have ARFID - I don't know - but the foods you describe her liking seem to fall into the ARFID "usual safe foods" (and they tend to be carbs, chips, rice, plain pasta, bread, sweets and crisps).

https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/arfid.html

It's infuriating and a constant worry

Don't let it infuriate you. Your daughter will respond better if you pay no attention to what she eats and do not show anger or worry.

I get frustrated at her eating carbs and nothing of nutritional value. It's more worry but yes I do maybe get too frustrated and go on a bit. Thanks for advice

I completely understand that. I was the same with my son, but ultimately there isn't much you can do about it.

Of course, if it isn't ARFID, it may just be her trying it on with you - but I've always found that ignoring things like this are the best way to get children to stop doing them.

What does your wife think?
Or have you split up?

I feel your pain OP. We tried to gently encourage some healthy foods but this never went down well. For my own sanity as my DD got older we were just glad she was eating something.

My daughter got steadily worse when she was around your daughters age. She stopped eating breakfast completely, she was having something like two cookies and a chocolate milk at school for lunch or chip, a cookie and coke etc. Occasionally she would have a cheese sandwich but that was about as healthy as she got.

Tea got later and later and she wouldn’t eat any meals the rest if the family did.

At 16 she had a part time job for a year and spent a lot of her money on chocolate and junk food.

She is 5’10’ and when she was 16 she was a beautiful smiley tall healthy looking slim size 12 but at 18 she has bad skin and is a tall sad looking pale size 18.

bebodypositive.org.uk/module/avoidant-restrictive-food-intake-disorder/session-1/#1832_11 might be useful

First of all OP, you need to get her on a decent multivitamin with vitamin d, iron and calcium in it, and an omega 3 supplement. That way you can start to feel a little bit more relaxed about the nutrition aspects of things. I know multivitamins aren't all that reliable but if her body is lacking, it will appreciate having some extra vitamins and minerals.

And then I agree that looking into her food issues would be a positive. I would start limiting the junk food, she's old enough now to learn about nutrition so maybe from now on if she wants pizza then make sure it's your own homemade pizza. Blitz veg and lentils (very nutritious but flavourless) into passatta sauce for her pasta and add loads of cheese and bake in the oven so the cheese masks the sauce? I would stop cooking her separate meals and give her the same as everyone else. If she doesn't eat it then fine, try not to make a stressful situation and negative associations around meal times, just move on. She can have some fruit for supper if she's hungry, bananas are filling enough to stop her getting hungry in the night.

OP does your daughter eat fruit?

Does she want to be vegetarian? If she previously ate meat and liked it I would encourage her to eat it again tbh.

Getting frustrated won't help, judging the food as having no nutritional value won't help.

All food is nutrition, you need to relax and go along with it. Take all the judgement and pressure away.