Can I stop being fussy?

[WeWereInParis]

Is it possible to change from being a fussy eater as an adult? Has anyone done it?

I am a fussy eater. But I don't want to be, I look through recipe books and can see lots that I think I'd like to cook (I do like cooking) but that I know I wouldn't like.

I have two main issues with food. Firstly, flavour-wise I'm actually pretty good, I'll eat most soups, smooth sauces, or smoothies. It's textures I don't like. I don't know how to get around that? It's not that I only eat smooth things, just that if there is a food I don't like, texture is almost certainly the reason.

Secondly, there are a few foods I absolutely cannot stomach due to how my parents dealt with my fussy eating as a child, which was to physically force food into my mouth and hold it shut until I swallowed. Carrot is one food I vividly remember this happening with, and carrot will absolutely make me gag now if I try to eat it. Which doesn't matter, I can write carrots off as a food that's not for me. But I don't know if this "method" used by my parents (I can't see how they ever thought it would lead to me willingly eating carrots) is maybe what makes it so hard for me to eat foods that I don't like? I get quite gag-y (gaggy?) if I try to force foods down which makes it hard for me to just "get over it".

Any tips from ex-fussy eaters?

Exposure! Eat a little as part of a meal
of favoured food. Small amounts regularly and you will learn to accept the flavours, apparently.

I was a very fussy eater and also had very strong gag reflexes to the texture of foods. The only thing that worked for me was tasting one tiny mouthful of something. Even less than a mouthful- a taste. With no pressure to eat more that meal, and I cd just eat other foods I liked. Over time I built up to eating more. Now I eat pretty normally and the things I dislike are pretty uncontroversial (game and fennel, mainly).

you can do it. Be patient with yourself and you’ll get there.

My DSD and my DD are both very particular about textures and have gone from eating a pretty limited range of foods as children to eating a much wider variety as they get older.
I think you'r parents approach was pretty barbaric and I think your revulsion by association is understandable - without being dramatic, maybe it might be useful to speak with someone professionally about that?
In practical terms, I would start small. Try foods similar to things you like already. Especially ones that are always consistent with how they taste and are the right consistency for you. Do it in a context you feel comfortable that if you don't like it, there's no pressure or expectations for you to eat more.
Good luck.

I agree. My DD has ARFID and from what you've said your DPs had the worst approach imaginable.

You should definitely seek some professional help and also agree that tilt exposures might help you

What your parents did was outrageous. Utterly wrong. Of course it resulted in your aversion and gag reflex.

Your reaction to foods and textures can certainly change as you get older. There are foods that I loathed as a child, that made me want to heave then, but that I love 30-40 years later. The taste and texture is the same. The memories they evoke are the same. And that's the point. For the most part they do not evoke distressing memories. Yes, I remember loathing the food, but the context of the memory is usually something like staying with my loving granny, who gave me aubergines, but also gave me chocolate pie.

But when it comes to foods associated with distressing memories (eg at infants school, puking in my rhubarb and custard because I'd been made to stay at the table and force it down), those I could never try again until I felt completely safe. So rhubarb, for example. I used to make it for dh once a year, because he loves it. He was appreciative and never pushed me to try it. One day I tasted a drop of the syrup. A year out two later I tasted a small piece of rhubarb. Didn't like it, but didn't gag. Next year I tried it again - hmm, not bad. A few years later, I enjoy rhubarb. Yes, the hideous memory is still there, but it has been detoxified by all the pleasant associations around my rhubarb journey.

So I would say, lower all demand on yourself around food. Focus on your enjoyment of what you do eat. Explore other foods by sniffing, handling, licking - but with absolutely no expectation that you will actually swallow it. Cook for others, if you like - but only if you feel comfortable that they won't make a fuss over you not eating it.

Go really slowly. Taste when you feel safe to do so. Build up good associations.

If you can access a talking therapy, or hypnotherapy, do so.

Enjoy your food journey and reminder that you're OK.

And I thought my DM was cruel with food !!
How about making carrot soup? Save a small piece of the soft carrot before blending. Taste it, no need to chew & swallow.

I think if you want to, you can be less fussy, but it will be a process.

Beside carrots - let's let that one go I think! what foods do you not like? can you stay whether it's a flavour or a texture thing. I'm sure people on here could then give you some ideas of how to try introducing that food in a way you might like?

Eg, I like chickpeas but struggle with the texture and I wouldn't eat a falafel if my life depended on it. But I've learnt that if I mix them into something like a stew so that they get quite soft and are part of something bigger, I like them a lot. I've also experimented with crisping them in the air fryer and eating them like a snack.

Could you perhaps share a recipe you want to try and why it appeals and then why you wouldn’t want to taste it. We might be able to suggest tweaks or alternatives?

Therapy.

It's hard. I found trying food in completely different forms/cuisines helped me. But I still can't eat melon and I've given up on that one!

Yes!

Very fussy as a child, and it was mostly texture for me as well.

However I've got a lot better by mostly trying things that I simply hadn't tried before, some worked, some haven't but that was my starting point. Other things I've found different ways of cooking that have worked.

I definitely wouldn't day I eat everything now, but it's more than just tinned carrots for veg!

I think it's possible to improve but it's a slow process. Is your problem mostly with vegetables? If so you might be best to start chopping them really well and combining with things you like. Carrot is part of sofrito, used as a base for things such as bolognaise. If you like that kind of thing you could start by frying off the sofrito before blitzing to a paste and then adding to the rest of the bolognaise ingredients. I would be surprised if you would be able to identify the carrot in the finished dish, but psychologically it may open you up a bit more to incorporating it into your meals. Why don't you write a list of things you would like to tackle and things you enjoy then ask for suggestions?