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Original poster

Sick of being the only person cooking nice, good quality food :-(

47 replies

Legacy · 19/04/2023 18:29

4 of us in the house - DH, me and two adult DSs (one living at home, other going back to uni soon).

The food situation is really beginning to get me down. I do all the food shopping/ ordering/ fridge management etc (despite contact reminders about 'what do people want?' etc) and in theory the three of us (not student DS, who isn't always here) alternate cooking meals on a rota.
I tend to make an effort and cook really nice, wholesome family meals, often making extra so there are leftovers for the next day, or roasting etc chicken for sandwiches etc or making soup. It's all appreciated and eaten, as are the leftovers - very quickly. But it feels like nobody else bothers and when they cook it's a quick pasta and sauce meal, or whatever is the least effort. Or DH heats up something from the freezer which was meant to be for an emergency 😡.

I'm just so fed up. I want us to eat healthily and have tasty meals, but nobody else seems to care. But they're more than happy to hoover up everything I make, leaving none for me the next day!
It would be mad for us to all cook separately, and nor do I want to 'sink' to their level of cooking.
I don't think it's because they're incapable - just lazy. And we all have the same amount of time.

OP posts:
Fantina · 19/04/2023 18:32

Can you discuss this with them and do a meal plan together with names next to who is cooking?

ejbaxa · 19/04/2023 18:34

you could order hello fresh for them to cook - that way you would just choose the meal and they could cook it

do they find it difficult/stressful? I’m a rubbish cook and would prefer any other chores to cooking. That’s why I get hello fresh.

LuciferRising · 19/04/2023 18:35

Can you all batch cook at the weekend and feeeze dishes, even homemade pasta sauce?

They can then take it out and reheat? If you all chipped in, it would work.

Chewbecca · 19/04/2023 18:37

Same in my house but it doesn’t bother me. Probably because DH does more than his share of other chores.

TomatoSandwiches · 19/04/2023 18:47

Whatever you do, before you serve up take a portion for leftovers and pop it in the fridge so it is already accounted for.

mycatsanutter · 19/04/2023 18:49

Are they all doing other household jobs to counteract you doing all the cooking ?

MMMarmite · 19/04/2023 19:05

If they're not bothered then it's tricky to force them to cook better. But the least they could do is leave you the leftovers. Set that boundary from now on - you're happy to cook for them as a family, but extra portions are for you, unless they trade you something equally good in return.

Puffthemagiclizard · 19/04/2023 19:17

Some people are just as happy with pasta and shop sauce as they are with a roast, you can't force them to cook to a specified standard. My DH is a shit cook so does very simple meals on his turn, sausage and mash, shop fish cakes with chips or whatever. I couldn't possibly specify it has to be a lasagne or roast dinner or whatever.

If the division of labour is fairly equitable this isn't the hill to die on.

Somanycats · 19/04/2023 19:36

I think if someone else is cooking for you it's not really on to complain. Don't suppose you'd take to it kindly if they asked you to cook only fish fingers or ready meals. They don't share your priorities which is fine. Just be sure you don't take back all the cooking on the strength of this.

Mummynew08 · 19/04/2023 19:42

ejbaxa · 19/04/2023 18:34

you could order hello fresh for them to cook - that way you would just choose the meal and they could cook it

do they find it difficult/stressful? I’m a rubbish cook and would prefer any other chores to cooking. That’s why I get hello fresh.

I agree with this... dh and I couldn't get on with hello fresh because we already like cooking and are creative with it, but a couple of bachelor friends of ours had been surviving into their 30s on simple pasta and semi-ready meals, but then they got meal boxes during lockdown (could have been hello fresh, other brands are available lol) and they were happy doing healthy meals with that.

You don't need it forever, just till the boys get used to the recipes (add them to their "repertoire") and then they can do them from scratch. I'm sure their future partners will appreciate them having that skill too!

Cynderella · 19/04/2023 19:43

Same here, but I just accept it and make sure I'm not the one changing cat litter, emptying the bins and clearing the debris after dinner. I enjoy cooking and baking although sometimes it's just a chore. For everyone else, it's a chore, full stop.

AtleastitsnotMonday · 19/04/2023 19:43

There are some really nice, minimum effort dishes though. Could you not suggest some of these instead. I'm thinking simple things like steaks, or fish which can be cooked in 10 minutes. Fresh pasta with prawns, garlic, chilli and plenty of fresh herbs is delicious and mega quick.

How does it work at the moment if you shop, do they tell you what they need you to get to make whatever it is they plan to cook or do you just buy a range of ingredients and they make something from that?

VincentVaguer · 20/04/2023 06:49

I would have said we were the same here, except I have three dcs at home ATM (two going back to uni soon). But a miracle has happened. Dc3 (17) has decided they enjoy cooking and they are very good at it! They now cook once a week - last nights was fish pie with mustard and chive mash and it was bloody good. AND they clear up after themselves. It's a miracle I tell you - this was a child who would only eat a tiny selection of foods for years.

I'd encourage a total night off and get the others to cook but say no jar sauces - don't buy them - we all hate them. I make a pasta sauce with garlic olive oil a tin of tuna and a tin of tomatoes and it takes minutes and is delicious. Tell them to make simple healthy meals.

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 20/04/2023 06:55

Yes, it’s the same here. If I say I can’t be bothered cooking I get met with a cheery ‘Dont worry! I’ll just have a cheese sandwich’ (which is nice, there’s never any pressure on me to cook) but what I want to say is no, I want someone else to cook a decent healthy meal!

ExtremelyDetermined · 20/04/2023 07:08

It's the same here too, but we just kind of get on with it, DD is a decent cook but prefers plainer meals, DH is more likely to buy ready meals and when he does cook the results can be very random. We all go out a lot to exercise in the evenings too, so we quite often have an "everyone get themselves an omelette, sandwiches etc" scenario. We tried Hello Fresh and Gousto last year but for various reasons aren't keen to go back to those. It's not great but I accept that they prefer to cook and eat differently to me.

erinaceus · 20/04/2023 07:22

Have you talked to them about what is happening? If not it is entirely possible that they do not realise. Different people are differently fussed about having proper meals at different times in their lives.

You could do some of the practical suggestions suggested here. Another idea is to do something with a little bit of silliness attached, like announce a “Come Dine With Me” week (or set aside one night per week for a month) and ask everyone to up their game. Vote for a winner?

midgemadgemodge · 20/04/2023 08:18

Cool for yourself only - explain you are not happy with what they cook but you know it's their choice so you are pulling out of shared cooking

Chewbecca · 20/04/2023 09:37

If I say I can’t be bothered cooking I get met with a cheery ‘Dont worry! I’ll just have a cheese sandwich’

This made me chuckle, I get 'don't worry, I'll just have an egg'.

AliceTheeCamel · 20/04/2023 09:44

Puffthemagiclizard · 19/04/2023 19:17

Some people are just as happy with pasta and shop sauce as they are with a roast, you can't force them to cook to a specified standard. My DH is a shit cook so does very simple meals on his turn, sausage and mash, shop fish cakes with chips or whatever. I couldn't possibly specify it has to be a lasagne or roast dinner or whatever.

If the division of labour is fairly equitable this isn't the hill to die on.

Agree with this - I think you have to choose between sharing out cooking duties vs wholesome meals cooked from scratch. I don't think you can demand both.

Smartiepants79 · 20/04/2023 09:47

TomatoSandwiches · 19/04/2023 18:47

Whatever you do, before you serve up take a portion for leftovers and pop it in the fridge so it is already accounted for.

Do this for a start. Put away a portion immediately so that you’ve got yours for tomorrow.
Other than that all you can do is have a real heart to heart and try and get them (especially DH) to understand just how much this is getting to you.
Do you meal plan as a family? If not this might make a bit of difference.

EggInANest · 20/04/2023 09:56

I would be really tough in use if anything you put in the freezer for your future use, or fridge for next day. Put stickers on it. Tell DH that freezer meals are cooked by you to organise YOUR share of the cooking, not to let him off a night.

Fine, they are lazy cooks and eaters. But the disrespect for your work is not on.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/04/2023 10:06

As someone who doesn't like cooking, Hello Fresh would be my nightmare.
I now cook from scratch about once a week, but it's a recipe I've chosen and adapted for me, not something imposed on me like Hello Fresh.

GreatHairDay · 20/04/2023 10:12

Maybe you're the cook in the family and they could take over other tasks you don't like. Play to your family's strength rather than try to force them to be something they aren't. It's easier to go with the flow than try to redirect the current. At least it's appreciated!

SavBlancTonight · 20/04/2023 10:24

Unfortunately, if they don't care, you can't force it. It's the same here - DH doesn't cook, but if he does prepare meals, it's a fry up, pasta pesto or something in the oven from the freezer. It does annoy me when he's feeding the DC so he upped the ante to include vegetables....

I would tell DH that taking food out of the freezer that's been pre-made does not count as his cooking day. if you cooked that food and saved it, then YOU can use it on your cooking day or it can be agreed as a meal for an emergency, but he doesn't get to wriggle out of cooking off the back of your labour.

everything else - suck up or do more of the cooking and tell them to do more of the other chores.

Original poster
Legacy · 20/04/2023 14:53

Thanks for the replies! I have considered Gousto or Hello Fresh, but the DSs eat massive portions and I think it would turn out quite expensive. Also DS2 is a bit of a fussy eater (neurodiverse) and would probably not eat some of the meals.

On the food ordering/ meal planning side, I'm always asking for people's input, but rarely get it, so usually end up just getting a range of staples - meat, pasta, veg etc that be mixed and matched into meals as necessary. Always lots of stuff in the freezer too, but of course I'm the only one that ever bothers to remember to take meat out for a meal later or the next day!

OP posts:
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