3 yr old who refuses to feed herself - help!

[Cha]

Dd has always been a slow, reluctant eater. Drives me INSANE. She is getting worse, now refusing to feed herself unless it is something sweet or a particular favourite and as most food is not nice in her books, this leaves us feeding her, or her going hungry, for most meals. Dp feeds her at dinner, I have to feed ds (15 months) though he is much keener on doing it himself than she is. If I am on my own, and she hasn't eaten much all day, then I feed her. At nursery she will eat very little unless she is fed there. She will however eat most of what is on her plate if she is fed, and only really draws the line at mushrooms and courgettes (which is fine, everyone has to have something they don't like!) so you can see my dilema.

Things I have tried;

Bribing with a nice pudding if she will eat her dinner - if she doesn't eat, she doesn't get it.
Threatening to give her dinner to the dog.
Giving her dinner to the dog.
Sending her away from the table to sit in the living room (no telly on!)

None of these things work anymore. I think she is doing it for attention, I do get very cross and upset, and I know that is not the way to be. Please help me.

I think you just have to hang on to the thought that she wont actually starve if you don't pu the food in her mouth. She is old enough to do it herself, and obviously can but knows she gets one toone if she doesn't.

I would ask nursery not to feed her. Could they sit here next to someone who is good at feeding themselves at mealtimes?

Also, write down everything she eats which might identify if she's snacking. There's nothing wrong with grazing throughout the day so long as there's a modicum of healthyness to the snacky food. Although it doesn't sound like that's the prob, just the nice adult attention she gets if she makes you feed her1

She really is pushing your buttons, isn't she? You poor love. I think PK's suggestions are really good; I'm assuming that she won't even help herself to sandwiches, will she, hmmm...

Would Girlish Equipment like a nauseatingly pink plate help?

I could have written this post Cha. My ds is 3y 5m, and I am having exactly the same problems. He says, 'I can't be bothered' when asked to feed himself. Tonight, I made him sit in his highchair while I started my (and dh's) supper. Eventually, he agreed to eat it, but he only put the fork in his mouth if I loaded it up for him. It's a start.

Someone suggested taking turns in using the fork/spoon. i.e. you do one mouthful if they do one too. That sometimes works with ds. All I know is that I am getting to the end of my tether. He is fine with sandwiches and yoghurts etc, and I think it is pure laziness on his part. If you do find a solution, pleeeease let me know.

Same situation at our house with child in the same age range. I'm anxious for dd to eat, of course, for all the right reasons. But selfishly, I don't want to deal with a cranky toddler who's tipping over because she hasn't eaten properly.

Sometimes not eating is a blatant play for attention, but I think for the most part she just isn't that interested. (And her lack of interest hardly inspires this reluctant cook to put more effort into preparing meals! ) In addition to not being very interested in food, I think she just finds everything around her far more interesting, so is constantly distracted unless I sit there shovelling the food into her mouth. She loves sweets/puddings, and knows she only gets those if she eats her main course/fruit/yoghurt, but sometimes she'll even forego her pudding!

Suppose I must take consolation in the fact that she won't starve. But, I do stare enviously at the children of my friends who sit down to eat, and get on with it without cheerleading, coaxing, bribing, threatening, etc.

I guess all I can say is - you are not alone!

We've one of 'those' in our house too ... DS1, 3 yrs 2 mths and half the time won't feed himself. Drives me nuts - and he's a really picky eater too.

Good to see am not the only one, consolation at least. Thanks for all the great suggestions.

Just had a really long chat with my exceptionally clever mother about it all. She is a counsellor and is fantastically perceptive. She feels that it is a NEED for dd, a need to be fed. She has a little brother who I help to feed and although dd is lovely with him, somewhere further down she is jealous and wants the attention that he gets. She plays a lot at 'babies' both by herself and with her best friend - no prizes for guessing who is the baby. Her best friend loves to be the mummmy and interestingly she is the youngest in her family...

Anyway, my Mum thinks that we should all go along with it for a while, and that I should feed her while dp feeds her little brother as this is obviously what she is craving. I think she is right but I feel this tide of aaaaaaaaaaagh rising at the thought of doing it. Don't know why. Suppose having one baby is hard enough, having another is camel/straw/back. She said to think of it like I had twins. I am going to give it a go - what Mum says makes sense. If we play along with it, maybe she will grow out of this need to be a baby, and all will be happy functional families again. Sigh. Just whoever is up there, give me the patience to see this thing through.

I do think the idea of the pink plate and cutlery is something we should try. Will do it in about a month once the Understanding of the Need has worn so perilously thin that my bitten through tongue needs respite.

Our dd has just finished that stage, although relapses at times, we gave her food and would ignore her chat amongst ourselves and say nice food was blah blah then she would eat we payed no attention till after dinner when we gave her ice cream with smarties on it, never misses a meal (and we stopped the smarties too)

Now she is on i will only eat traditional...curry and rice no english food arhhhh
good luck xx