He's 2 on friday and not eaten properly for a year!

[willdaisymummy]

Hi
I've not posted on here before but am getting really desperate now!
My son has never been a good eater since he spat out his first spoonful of baby rice at 5 months! Recently it has got horrific. He eats potato, bread, grapes, melon, cheese spread, plain white rice and porridge. Sometimes he'll have peas, sausages, fishfingers and chicken dippers and that is it.
He won't even entertain anything different. I'm so worried about him, he's scrawny and always getting colds plus his poo is sooooooo pale (sorry TMI!)
My hubby, parents, in laws HVs etc etc tell me not to worry but I really can't help it, I lost the plot at dinner tonight, I'd put a tiny bit of swede in his mash (which I hoped would go un-noticed) so he shakes his head pushs the plate away and just says no. As he refused his breakfast and had a tiny bit of lunch I made him porridge which he was asking for and he ate about 2 mouthfuls then refused anymore.
I just don't know what to do now, it's not a fad cause he's always been like this but it can not be healthy. Another problem is I let him get away with murder at mealtimes, I can't encourage table manners etc because he'll just refuse to eat so I let him do whatever it takes for him to eat. I'm at the stage now where I dread mealtimes. He's a lovley, kind, bright little chap who is no trouble at any other time of day.
Please can somone help me!!
xx

my 14 yo is a very picky eater and always has been. Lived on pasta and ketchup for years.
We lived in the US from when he was 9 to 12 and actually went out for a dinner a few times (something we've never done in the UK cos of the cost) and it was hard to feed him. He wont eat chips, hated everything on the child menu and wouldn't even eat pasta cos it didn't have Heinz ketchup on it. So I just fed him before we went and he sat and watched us.
Been back home in the UK for 4 years now and we've never been out so not an issue. But his diet has expanded to include crisps, vegetarian fishless fish cakes, baked beans, cheese (grated on the pasta) pesto, dorrito's (yuck), orange juice and broccoli.
Bit limted but he's coming up on 6 foot, healthy, never gets sick and seems happy. I let him get on with it. Now he's older I make one meal and if the two boys don't want it (ds2 is a picky bugger too) they can cook something for themselves.

Totally sympathise!

My ds suddenly stopped eating properly at 18 months and is now almost 4. I still get worried about it but it's not every day or even every week now - I've learned to be more relaxed about it especially since I discovered there a quite a few others on MN with children like this!

I did have a bad day this week though and wrote out a list of what ds will eat. It's a rather short list (of course) but not too bad tbh.

We have been invited to lunch with ds' first real friend this week. It will be interesting to see how it goes.

Just keep on posting and look out for hte other fussy eaters - and good luck

don,t see what the problem is. all seem to be eating fine!!

i,ve suggested on another thread that carlos gonzalez book, my child won,t eat is helpful.

basically i think as parents we often get too hung up on what we think is right for a child, which is maybe not the stage they are actually at.

one theory is that they eat when growing, as opposed to eating to grow.

i believe being relaxed and not making an issue out of food is the best approach.

of course you're right nightshade but it's the social part of eating that I find so frustrating - we can't go to a restaurant or cafe, find it hard when we go to other people for dinner etc. I don't have a problem with my DS from a nutrition point of view but it doesn't stop it being stressful!

I would say one of the main things is not to offer "junk" food when they refuse the food first time. Offer only healthy food. My nephew ate half a packet of biscuits for christmas dinner apparently - I wouldn't go down that route

I know what you're saying about the restaurants. Well, with my DS it's often he wants to eat when we don't and he doesn't when we do. Sometimes in a restaurant we order the food which he'd normally like with our starter and he nibbles on it for our starter and main course, sometimes even when we're waiting for the pudding. On some occasions when I knew it was safe to take his food away I'd ask the waiter to pack it up for him and when they'd use a very nice packeging he'd immediately open it and start eating. Kids! Anyway, tonight he fancied cheese and ham tosty, took one bite of it and said he had enough eating the cucumber and grapes though. I thought, okay, he is having something, so relax, mummy. later when I took him upstairs I took a plate with the toasty, more grapes and cucumber and put in his room. We were playing I spy and he was using the food on a plate for the game; 'i spy with my little eye something begins with G', etc. In between his goes he was nibbling on his food including his toasty so he actually ate all the inside and some bread + all the grapes and the cucumber. I was really pleased and happy I didn't put any preasure on him earlier.

How oftenb do people 'eat out' then? Have to tell DH we're missing out as we haven't been in a restaurant for over 4 years!
Mind you, no restuarant does what dd can eat as her food must be mashed as she can't chew.

I did notice that restaurants have a freaky idea of what children will eat and the child menu is always chips and some fried meat stuff.

NMC by Thomas shapes I mean pasta shapes in tomato sauce.
I now appreciate that he isn't that bad and some children eat a lot less but before I posted on here I only had my friends children to compare him to, all of whom are a lot more interested in food and will try different things. I just want my little man to be really healthy and I don't see how by eating no veg or meat he can be getting all he needs. I am a natural born worrier though so I guess if it wasn't this then it'd be something else!

Hi...Just to add my reassurance to the other voices here. My dd1 was like your ds... from weaning she was totally uninterested in food. Hated all the lovingly prepared meals I made her, gagged on anything with lumps in till she was well over a year old, etc etc etc. For ages she'd only eat yogurt, Heinz (had to be Heinz) macaroni cheese , frankfurters , pasta, cheese (but not combined as homemade macaroni cheese - it had to be Heinz!) and various unhealthy options like crisps (cheesy wotsits) and cake. Believe me, I didn't start off giving her these things and give her a taste for unhealthy foods (dd2's favourite foods are broccoli and spinach...!) but this is what she ended up eating due to my desperation.

Anyway, when she was about 3.5 I decided to stop stressing about it. I have her 'normal' food with her usual favourites thrown in every few days to keep her happy and I didn't make a fuss if she didn't eat it, just offered her plain bread and butter instead but no treats. She is now 7 and eats pretty much everything. She's still not very big on fruit (except apples and bananas), but she loves veg and will try anything. It took a few years to get to this position, but she is now a very good eater and I am proud of her.

Good luck! There is light at the end of the tunnel.

That should say 'I gave her', obviously.

Needmorecoffee, I know what you mean about child meals in restaurants. I hate them, especially when there's really nice food for the adults and then this preprepared deep fried crap for the kids. I usually just ask if I can have a small portion of an adult meal for the kids instead. Either that, or order one adult meal between them and ask for an extra plate.

willdaisymummy - heh, know what you mean. I think its pretty good your lad will eat bread, melon, grapes and cheese spread. getting fruit, vit c, calcium and carbs there. Plus protein in the meat stuff.
I reckon all the Guvmints banging on about diet has made us all into worriers and every week there's something esle to fret about!
Can you get a multivitand mineral into him? And some Omega 3 oil into something.
dd has Omega 3/DHA in her food although she does eat lots of veggies and fat. I do it cos I read it can reduce seizures. If painting myself blue reduced seizures I'd do that to
I fret about carbs and protein with dd as they aren't wonderfully mashable and she'll never be able to chew properly. Every time her weight dips the docs threaten me with a G-tube. Over my dead body.
One thing, the more you worry, the more they pick up on it and do it more so best place to do it is late at night in the shower so no-one can see . One day your lad will be a strapping teenager and you'll be trying to limit him as he eats you out of house and home (and teens are locusts. When my 3 descend on the kitchen they leave a giant mess and no food)

good idea Ellbell. Am toying with the idea of a lunch out but despite dd being nearly 4 I still feel a bit anxious about public places. People stare at her anyway. In a cafe she will make 'noises' and her eating is extremely messy.

Is your dd at nursery ? Do you know any other parents in a similar situtation who could recommend a cafe or restaurant?

We only really eat out a few times a year (Pizza Express, pub or cafe - nothing fancy)

Restaurants like Giraffee, cafe Rouge, Pizza Express, Zizi's, Carluccios and a lot more others are very good with kids and have a good menu. I don't think you should worry but if you are, just have a look at the castomers, you'll notice sooooo many babies and young children who through the food about, make noises and make fuss, so what. Most of people will understand and in many places the waiter will bring some colourings for your child or you can have a bag of goodies yourself and have a variety of things. Kids often make fuss when they are bored. Good luck!

Don't know where you live nmc but ime local eateries (adn often non-British) are more accommodating of children in general, SN and NT

dd cant use her arms/hands and she drools. I just hate people staring at her. Too many stories of people in retsuarants leaving when they see a SN child

willanddaisy's mummy

i was thinking about you this weekend as ds2 (the fussy one) discovered something else he likes and i thought it might be worth a try for yours. I bought some of those yoghurts in a pouch that they can suck on. I'm in Holland, but sure they must do an equivalent in the UK....fromage frais type thing/ He likes the fact that he can hold it himself and suck all the yoghurt out....quite fun. I think you can also get fruit puree ones.

also - while mine would also happily scoff crisps (which we try to discourage) we do let him have the rice cake organix crisps for children ....i know it's not that great nutritionally, but it's something for a little treat.

tried to get him to eat mango yesterday by cutting into tiny pieces (and I mean tiny)...sucked all the yoghurt off them and spat them out! ho hummmm

It's funny, isn't it, hoarsewhisperer... sometimes I think that 'fussy eaters' are actually just lazy eaters. Dd1 would still rather eat 'smooth' food (not puree-ed, but you know, stuff that sort of slips down) than stuff she has to chew. Mind you, in a great show of self-knowledge, dd1 did once say to me (when she was about 3) 'I don't like eating mummy, because when I'm eating I can't talk'. Now talking is something she is good at!!!! [ears falling off emoticon]

needmorecoffee... that's so sad... Maybe try an Italian restaurant - a 'genuine' one, not a chain. They are normally very good with kids and don't mind a bit of mess. You could always ring in advance and ask it they have something on the menu (or could prepare something) easily mashable for your dd. My own view would be that if people leave the restaurant because of your dd they they are the ones losing out (losing out on their meal and also losing out by being so narrow minded and petty). However, I know that adopting a 'f*ck 'em' attitude is easier said than done. Good luck.

very true elbell. I have started putting an audio book on at mealtimes this weekend(currently the twits)and Sat and Sun went relatively smoothly (apart from the mango). Now if I was to puree the mango and mix it with yoghurt I could probablyget it into him.

He has (much to my delight) started eating raspberries. But only if I let him pick them up and throw them into his yoghurt....and shout "plop"...we call it the plop game.....

I think they just find it all rther dull, and the more stressed we get about it, the more they refuse!

i like your plop game. May be try it with other things. How about poridge with raspberries or peas in mush potato? It could look fun and more interesting to eat. You could make different sounds for different types of food and get the new tastes in more easily.

Hi,i have a similar situation.my daughter has never liked food,and always suffered with bad tummy pains.
when she was nearly 2, we found out she was intolerant to dairy/lactose etc, shes also intolerant to animal protiens, so has to be a vegan! all she lives on is wheatbix and jam, jam sarnies,toast and jam! We are lucky that she loves soya milk, bananas and grapes and fruit puree.
She has special treats such as dairy free biscuits etc and i do make them myself.but that is it.She will not contemplate putting anything else near her mouth and will just refuse anything we offer to her.
we have tried picnics,sitting together at the table,everything.
Im glad we are not the only ones suffering with piccy children!!

My dd lived on cheese and tomatoes for breakfast, dinner and tea , with some fruit and bread thrown in, for nearly two years. No cerals, no dairy, no meat whatsoever. She hated any smooth textures and always wanted to feed herself from early on.However shes 4 now and in the last few months she had turned into a wonderful eater. We just kept offering her stuff and tried to appear relaxed about it ( with great difficulty on my part). I nearly cried with delight when she ate beef for the first time yesterday and loved it. I introduced new foods based on the colours and tastes of things she liked- she loves tomatoes so I gave her red peppers and strawberries, she liked the red peppers so we gave her green peppers then other green things like peas and crunchy iceberg lettuce ( which she loves- will ask for a bag of it instead of crisps )and that lead to cucumber etc . She liked sausages so I made sausage shaped pattties with minced beef and minced chicken and she tried them. Also let her help prepare shop and prepare food- not guaranteed she would eat it but it gave food a fun dimension. HTH