2 year old used to be fab eater, now gone super fussy - help!

[Sycamoretree]

Any advice out there for me? My DD is 2.5 years and has always been a great eater. We had DS 5 months ago, but I don't think that has anything to do with it as only now has problem emerged. My mum used to do the majority of cooking (lucky me) but is looking after my terminally ill dad now so I am taking the reigns. I have made some new meals and re-made the stuff she was used to having from her nana (about 8 meals on a rotate, but we'd we would change things up now and again when we ate out or she'd have sandwiches, egg on toast etc). She was always willing to try and enjoy new stuff, and often would exclaim, mmm delicious or similar if she liked it.

Suddenly, everything has got "yucky bits" in it. She refuses even to try a mouthful of anything new, and has to be bribed with her favourites (green beans and broccoli - I know, strange child) to eat the meals she has previously wolfed down.

Got frustrated and angry at first but have now resorted to bribing her to try, and if she won't eat, telling her that's fine but there's nothing else until next meal time. then making sure the next meal time is something she's more likely to go for. Is this the way to go? Don't want to end up in stressy meal time battles all the time.

Am exasperated. Tired out with new baby and make all this effort to do delicious and healthy home cooking which DH and I end up defrosting and chucking portions together and eating ourselves to avoid the waste.

Anyone had similar experience? Is she just trying to assert herself? Of course I would say this, but she is very smart little girl with incredible language for her age so she comes out with the cleverest excuses and seems to see through any of my psychological tactics.

Sycamore, firstly, I'm so sorry about your dad. It sounds like you're all going through a tough time at the moment - no wonder this additional stress is getting to you. I don't have direct experience of this, but my niece did something similar aged about 2 - she'd eat lots of fruit, but little else. I think it's quite common, actually (not that it makes it easier for you!). Niece was offered food at each meal, and allowed to snack in between on fruit and (some) toast. They tried to stay calm and detached from the issue, so that if it was an attention-seeking thing it didn't work. I'm not sure how long it went on, but she's out the other side and eating pretty well again now.

Do you all eat the same things? Would she copy you/nick stuff off your plate?

Thanks Habbibu - yes, tough times But we are a strong family so all coping as best we can with what life is throwing at us.

We don't really eat the same things all the time, especially at moment as am trying to lose baby weight and all her stuff is high fat, but it's not unknown. Sometimes we eat together and sometimes not. She is not aware I am on a diet as I never refuse anything she tries to offer to me and I am still eating a full plate, but just not pasta! I often make a point of eating some of hers and saying how lovely it is, and she used to like to feed me a mouthful now and again, which was really sweet because she'd do this more if it was something she REALLY liked .

She used to fall for these kind of tactics: If I told her something was Grandad's favourite, she'd quickly shove it in her mouth (that's how she got so into her green beans) but now none of that sort of thing works.

Did her an annabel K creamy tom and mush pasta sauce today and blended fresh cooked tuna into it (last time i did tuna she liked the taste I think, but not the texture and kept picking the fish off the end of her tongue). Told her is was nana's special pasta sauce, hoping that if she thought nana had made it she'd at least try. Not on your nelly. Eventually after about 10 mins she ate a mouthful so that she could get down, realised it was actually not that bad, and ate about 7 more spoonfuls reasonably happily. She said she didn't want it again though (unlucky as I have 6 more pots of it in the freezer!).

She sounds lovely! I hope others come along soon with more experience, but she sounds like she'll be fine to me. I'm sure it'll pass, but if you are worried about her intake you could leave healthy snacks lying around for her to pick at until she gets past this.

Sycamore, at about this age children start asserting their independance a bit more, seeing how far they can go and just how much they can actually control, and is could be that your DD is doing this. She's testing you, to see what reaction she gets. My DS tried this for a while and it was exasperating, especially when I'd spent ages making something healthy, but I got good advice on here to just ignore it. Don't make meal times into a battleground, your method of simply not offering anything else is spot on. Try not to adapt to her fussiness by only giving her the food you know she will eat, still keep the range and offer her the same things you used to, if she's hungry she'll eat it eventually, and if her fussiness gets no attention you won't be reinforcing her behaviour. Just pay no attention to what she does or doesn't eat, and don't comment on it, and don't praise her when she does eat, as you said, she's a smart little girl, if you say "oh good GIRL!" when she does eat she'll know that not eating is not being a good girl. IMO people don't need to be praised for eating.

If there are particular things that she obviously doesn't like, I'd be inclined to leave those things off the menu and then re-introduce them after a break and see if she likes them this time.

Good luck and try not to let it get you wound up or stressed

We went through this the DD around 2.5. We let her eat her favourites for a while (beans, spaghetti hoops, cheese) as we had a new DS and had enough to cope with!

She wouldn't touch eggs, meat, fish which she previously did. She went off meaty textures. Spoke to HV after a few months, who advised to offer 2 or 3 choices - things you want them to eat, have a reward chart with small toy as a reward, not to use food as a reward, and not to let them fill up on milk, yogurt etc. If they have favourite characters, then name food after them (thomas the tank tuna pasta etc) to get them interested in it.

It worked for us in that she eats a more balanced diet and we've found new things she loves (tuna potato, spaghetti bolognese, egg sandwich, chicken) although she still is fussy sometimes.

Food refusal is just her way of asserting her independence and is just the same as refusing to put the clothes on that you've chosen for her etc.

2 tips I got from Tanya Byron which both worked for my dcs:

1. You say, 'Now, I really hope that while I'm just tying up my shoe lace/ getting a glass of water/ getting another plate that Baby Sycamare isn't going to eat that tomato on her plate. I really hope she isn't. Oh no (turning around and with suitable mock horror) she's eaten it!! They loved playing this and sure enough they'd stuff their faces.

2. The running commentary. 'And now Baby Sycamore has picked up her spoon and she's oh, she can't be, yes, she's scooped up her banana and goaaal..
   You get the picture.

But to re-iterate other people on this and other threads it's a very, very good idea to eat together and act as a role model for your dcs (no reason why her food has to be high fat or at least you can have most of what she's having e.g. pasta with tomato sauce and without the cheese). It's also NOT a good idea to hover too much and feed her and clean her too much. Get on with your own meal and give her as much control as possible. Lots of finger food, lots of mess. Get her to dip, mash and splat and pick up what she wants. Make pizzas, sandwiches etc together.

Thanks guys, this is great advice. Like with Pulapula's dh she seems to have gone off meaty textures. It all started with her started to make more of a meal of the mince in her shepherds pie and progressed from there. She would hold it in her mouth and nibble at it uncertainly with her front teeth.

I didn't mention before but she also has started not wanted to feed herself and asking me or DH for help. Confess I have caved in on more occasions than I care to mention and spoonfed her . This is how I got the new pasta sauce and spag down her tonight. Should I be refusing any spoonfeeding? When I do, food always goes so cold and then she'd just even less interested.

Last night I tried making pizza's with her. She LOVED this and was desperate to try but after taking first tiny nibble came the familiar cry "I don't like it mummy, it's yucky". I think I have Peppa Pig to thank for this particular choice phrase.

I've been really good about not over cleaning (was huge tiny tearways fan even before having DD!) and have left the dining room to "tidy" in kitchen on many occasion to take pressure off, but my main problem is just the wailing that starts the minute I lift her into her triptrap and she gets a view of the slightly unfamiliar, or variation on a favourite meal that's on her plate.

Will try for next weeks to eat same as her and see what happens. Her meals aren't really high fat, just made with butter and whole milk and full fat cheeses etc rather than low fat stuff.

ohh that's where yucky is from. ds is just the same sycamoretree, he's 2.9 now and is wildly refusing and accepting foods. i have come across something but can't remember where (so might be load of rubbish) which said that children around this age restrict their diet because 'in the wild' they'd be on their own a bit more and so tend towards extreme caution.

i say he must at least try new foods, no pressure to eat much. am trying to involve him in cooking at home but must admit he eats six meals at week at childminder with other children and tends to scoff everything.