What do I cook? Please help me

[Chipsahoy]

i am burnt out. Two moves across two countries in one year. I have been facing childhood trauma for the last ten years in therapy and become estranged from my family as a result. It’s all, ok sort of, now, I have the life I need and want. I have the surroundings. The lovely husband and children. But I am plain exhausted. I need to recover physically and emotionally.

I wasn’t taught to cook. I do cook and my kids eat but have some needs and fussiness. I know I need to recover physically too and need to nourish my body. I exercise. I sleep well. But I don’t know what to cook. It just adds to the stress every day. Breakfast lunch and dinner. What do I make?

I eat most things except fish. Husband eats everything. Middle son loves fruit and veg and actually anything. Oldest is very fussy so have to cook separately, youngest isn’t too bad but definitely turns his nose up at a lot of stuff.

I just need someone to tell me what to make. I have recipe books but it’s all so complicated. Are there any decent family books with step by step instructions?

If you read all of this well done to you and thank you! What shall i cook? What shall we eat? Why is it so difficult?

You could practise a few basic dishes thatare versatile.

One I love is chicken tray bake. You can use thighs with skins on or whole legs. It's incredibly easy to prep and the variety is endless. All you need is a deep roasting pan. I also put down greaseproof paper so it's easy to serve and clean, but you don't have to.

A few examples:

Fresh herby chicken traybake: Put the chicken pieces in a big bowl. Add 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil (or other cooking oil) Add the roasting dish. Add the zest and juice of a fresh lemon, some garlic granules or a squeeze of garlic paste, salt and pepper and a bunch of fresh, washed, roughly chopped herbs (tarragon or rosemary or oregano) Add some small potatoes, thick rings of fresh leek. Toss until the chicken and veg are evenly coated then put in a roasting dish and spread everything out into an even layer. Pour in a small glass of white wine or a small wineglass of water. Bake for 45mins at 200c. Serve with peas and carrots or salad.

Mediterranean traybake.

Toss chicken in a bowl with generous squeeze of garlic paste (about 8-10cm) salt and a sprinkling of dried chilli flakes and dried oregano or Italian seasoning or mixed herbs.

Add some chunks of red pepper, peeled quartered red onion, black olives, chunkily cut courgette and aubergine and some cherry tomatoes. Tip into the roasting tin and bake for 45 mins at 200c.
Serve with crusty bread and salad

Spicy tray bake:

Mix 2 tablespoons each of mango chutney, madras curry paste, water and corn oil. Add 1 tablespoon of either lemon juice (can be from a Jif - doesn;t have to be fresh) or lime juice (same) or white vinegar and one tablespoon of brown sugar or honey. Mix until is is a thin paste then coat the chicken legs in it. Put in roasting dish with peeled quartered white onions, diced sweet or white potato chunks and cook for 30 mins at 200c covered in foil and then add a mug full of frozen peas and stir them into the juices, and a bag of washed spinach if you family will eat it. Cook for another 15 -25 mins with foil off, until the skins are golden and bubbling. Serve with rice or naan.

You can do simple dinners like filled fresh pasta (tortelloni or ravioli) with bagged salad, drizzled with pesto and grated cheese. - That's simple.

If you learn to make a good tomato-based sauce with soffrita (finely chopped celery, carrot and onion, cooked on a low heat until soft) then add chopped fresh garlic or garlic paste, diced red peppers (or any other peppers) - and optional - courgettes/aubergines/chestnut mushroons, a couple of cans of chopped tinned tomatoes, a good splash of red wine or a tiny splash of wine vinegar, a heaped spoonful of dried herbs such as thyme, majoram or oregano, salt, pepper, a pinch of brown sugar - then let it all cook on a low heat for a good hour. That is a good basis for spag bol sauce (just add browned, cooked mine meat) or chilli (same with the mince but also add a spoonful of chilli powder and a square of dark chocolate) served with rice or baked potatoes, or you can just have it as a veggie sauce with pasta and grated cheese.

DH says Prue Leith's book How to Cook is the best basic one.

Sorry ignore the insturction 'add the roasting dish'! Don;t know where that came from. I shoudl have checked what I wrote before posting!

I think your husband should do some cooking too. I cook earlier in the day as I hate cooking when I am not in the mood. I also like recipes that don't use a lot of ingredients. How old are your children? Today my granddaughter is visiting and she is a toddler and fussy. So we are having macaroni cheese. There will be tinned tuna and fresh tomatoes separately as I don't want any fuss from gd. I will put some frozen garlic bread in the oven with the macaroni to go with it. Fresh grapes and yoghurt with honey for pudding. You can your any small pasta for that Mac and cheese. Cooking tips..add mustard to the white sauce and use strong cheddar. Try to master one or two things. Even stuff like pasta goes in boiling water ( I add a bit of salt and dash of oil) and drain it after cooking. Good luck and don't beat yourself up. Women aren't born knowing how to cook!

@goldfinchonthelawn 🤣, we knew what you meant !
I second traybakes, and those sound delicious. When I worked full time, I'd prepare them on a Sunday for the week. I used to do a salmon one, too ; add any seafood really.
That's the beauty of traybakes - you can throw anything in. They're healthy, too.

I also used dried pasta

You sound a bit like me OP- I'm never going to starve, but I was never taught to cook as brought up my a single mother with chronic depression and I now like to keep things as quick and simple as possible whilst still being healthy. Anything that involves too much chopping, too many ingredients etc stresses me out. I just started following an Instagram account called myfirstmeals which is for a recipe book thats just been published - aimed at getting kids into cooking, but I was actually put onto it by a woman with no kids who struggles with cooking due to adhd - might be worth a look? All recipes 5 ingredients or less

Wow, I am so touched by the replies. Thanks also for the step by step instructions that’s really very helpful.

I can cook fajitas and tacos and enchiladas because my husband showed me how. He’s actually a very good cook and he does cook a lot but when he’s at work I still have to eat and also feed the children. Sometimes he isn’t home until very late. I also really want to be able to cook for us all.
I can cook pasta and eggs and omlettes even a roast. I make good Yorkshire puddings!. I can cook I guess I just don’t know what to make and what ingredients to use when. If that makes sense. Like I lack the ability to think of anything to make and if I do have to it’s tweaking it for a fussy child. It breaks my brain. I’m so overwhelmed by the smallest thing. I know it sounds ridiculous. I can’t even speak properly right now. I get my words all wrong. Developed a lisp also. Therapist says I’m burnt out.

Traybakes sound ideal thank you. I sometimes get jar sauces in but then feel bad at giving them processed stuff or too much salt. It’s all so much pressure you know?

Children are 4, 11 and 14. The 11 has a good cooked school meal but he is the one who isn’t fussy so he’s easy to cook for.

Yes that sounds like me, thank you. I will definitely take a look at the Instagram account.

Agree tray bakes are great. They also work really well with sausages too. I think you are probably underselling yourself. You probably have more skills then you think, what you lack is confidence to wing in a bit! That just takes time, some of the best dishes aren't from recipes but experiments!
Work with what you can do, if you can make Yorkshire's you can do a toad in the hole.
If you can cook eggs and fajitas, you can make shakshuka.
Focus on food you enjoy eating. Can you make a decent curry? Once you get your head round the base it's easy to mix it up by swapping in different meat or veg. What about a risotto? (the Jamie Oliver where you chuck it in the oven is a great place to start) Again, so many options when it come to flavour, chicken, mushroom, leak and bacon and so on.
Make sure you build in plenty of quick and easy meals, pasta with bacon, mushroom and Parmesan, or blue cheese and broccoli. Or a personal favourite of mine, skewers! Marinate some chicken and thread it on a stick with some veg and voila!
Also learn when to cheat. For example you can make a beautiful tomato and onion tart with a roll of Jut Roll puff pastry in about 10 mins. If I made my own puff it would take at least three hours and probably be crap!
Also, I don't really bother with recipe books. I have hundreds and have probably cooked no more than 6 recipes from any one book (and there are many when I have cooked only one or two). If I want a recipe I google.
If you find recipes are two complicated google again but add the words quick or easy!

Hi @Chipsahoy I recommended this on another thread but wondered if you would find meal planning helpful. Once you have your meal plan it takes away the stress. I use this one, it's a great website and she is also the queen of tray bakes. The meal plan is automatic but can be tweaked and all the recipes are on the site.

She does themed ones as well so each week there may be a tray bake, a curry, a quick recipe, a leftovers recipe etc.

www.easypeasyfoodie.com/?s=Meal+planner

It may just make it seem less overwhelming to start. Good luck.

Thank you. Yes dh always says I do fine just get panicked about it all.
I do ok with a curry but I end up using ready mix spices.
love the idea of ready roll pastry. I could do home made puff pastry pizza also.
Skewers is the best idea!
Dh always does them for a bbq and most of the time i do all the prep. So I must know how to do it.
I suppose it’s the thinking. I can barely see straight right now. It’s not for the first time just more frustrating this time because I’m not unhappy or having a breakdown.
I want to cook something easy each night without resorting to freezer beige crap. I need to eat well to recover.

thanks everyone. Helpful.

You sound exhausted. I would cut yourself some slack ... mixed spices packets for curry for example, are fine. And make your life easier. You are stil eating the meat and vegetables 4tc.

To that end, I would write down a few meals you can make easily, split by level of convenience so you can go back to that list when you are out of ideas. Keep those ingredients to hand.

Eg, we always have fish cakes in the freezer which I serve with a big pile of steamed veg... whatever we have in the fridge.

I always have a butternut4 kicking around... I can make a risotto with store cupboard ingredients and the butternut, or get a bit more elaborate if I am up for it to make a good roasted butternut salad. Or we have it as a side veg.

Agree re shop bought pastry. Keep some cream cheese in the fridge and you have an easy tart, topped with whatever veg you have at home (roasted or sautéed).

Mince in the freezer, tinned tomatoes, tinned beans and basic herbs/spices = chilli, spag Bol, cottage pie etc.

If you can't face chopping things, buy chopped frozen onions. So easy and removes that first step from so many dishes (ditto chopped garlic or ginger and use chilli flakes if you can't face chopping chilli)

Combining the above 2, I often make a vaguell5y Asian inspired mince dish by cooking my mince with ginger and garlic and onion (all from freezer), adding whatever sliced or grated veg like broccoli or carrot are lying around then squeezing in soy sauce and lime juice. I mix it all up with isn't rice noodles.

Increase nutritional value of pre-prepared things like chicken nuggets or fish fingers by a) splashing out on better quality 2) serve with lots of fresh veg.

We eat a lot of fried rice dishes. So use ingredients like courgette, pepper, celery, mushrooms and fry until nearly soft. Then add fresh ginger and garlic and curry powder. Then add cooked rice and mix. Add in soy sauce and chilli sauce and a squeeze of lime. You can have this with any protein I do either chicken strips or chuck in some prawns. It's so quick and delish.

Fussy eaters drain the living soul from a person cooking so don't feel alone in this.

My tip for fussy eaters is serve meals that are assembled at the table in separate bowls - eg wraps, meatballs, sauce, salad, cucumber, cheese, guacamole all in separate bowls then everyone can eat what they want.

Fussy eaters drain the living soul from a person cooking so don't feel alone in this

14 years with a fussy eater here. It's definitely draining.

My tip for fussy eaters is serve meals that are assembled at the table in separate bowls - eg wraps, meatballs, sauce, salad, cucumber, cheese, guacamole all in separate bowls then everyone can eat what they want

This helps us so much too.

Could the 14 and the 11 yo be in charge of cooking one night each? Maybe just during the school holidays?

Ha yes they do! Also 14 years of it. Drives me crackers. 14 year old loves to bake but sighs a lot about cooking, I suspect because he is fussy. 11 year old is up for cooking any time but needs supervision. He made tacos tonight.

Lots of bowls out with things seems to work , so I’ll do more of that. Oldest diet is very very limited which bothers me a lot. It’s added pressure to put veg in when he will allow and to be sure I’ve cooked things right etc. Adhd and sensory issues. He loves spicy. So spicy pasta so I can blend veg helps. And he loves spicy chicken of any kind, garlic bread, naan.

Some of my really easy staples op:

Chicken in a bag: bag of salad, new potatoes, coleslaw.

Salmon fillets, penne with pesto, green veg or salad.

Lamb chops, Greek salad (iceberg, red onion, tomatoes, cucumber, feta) with cous cous, or potatoes: chips, new, crispy slices.

Best pasta ever: large bag cherry tomatoes, slathered in olive oil and lazy garlic. Bung in oven for 25 minutes then add jar of black olives, basil leaves, salt and black pepper. Drain big pan of penned, stir through two mozzarella balls, add sizzling toms to hot pasta and mozzarella - stir - serve with bagged salad and toms, cue, pepper.

Tray of chicken thighs: pierce, add lazy garlic, a smear of oil, salt, pepper, juice of 1.5 lemons, marinade overnight then bung in oven for 45 minutes. Serve with bagged salad tossed with other salad bits, and cous (I add chopped coriander, a top of Marigold and juice of a lemon).

Stir fry noodles with finely sliced steak.

Soon it will be winter: macaroni cheese, cottage pie, carbonara, spag bol, easy pasta bakes, casseroles.

Oh and don't forget gammon, egg and chips :)

I make sure I have lots of times chopped tomatoes in.
Do 'lazy' cooking. When I know I've got busy weeks I buy frozen chopped onion and peppers. Lazy garlic jar.

Brown mince and a handful or so of frozen onion and peppers with lazy garlic, add an oxo cube, Worcestershire sauce, chopped tomatoes, dried basil and oregano. Add to pasta. Grated cheese.

Or brown mince, onion, garlic, peppers, add chopped toms, tin of 'taco beans', Worcester sauce, cumin and coriander.
Serve with rice, cheese, small wraps or tacos and let them help themselves. Both recipes take 20 mins max.

Ready rolled pizza dough, tomato purée, Italian herbs, grated mozzarella. Roll up then cut (like a cinnamon whirl thing) Chuck in oven for 20 mins.

This is really really helpful. Thank you so very much.

Thank you. So glad short cuts are a common thing. Also love the pizza idea.

So glad short cuts are a common thing

There is absolutely no shame in short cuts, often there is no difference in end result, sometimes there is a cost difference. My short cuts include: garlic puree, chop onion and freeze and fry what you need from frozen, frozen chopped herbs make everything taste yummy, stir through pasta sauces, gravy granules (every time except Christmas Day!).

Ok. So I am going shopping tonight. I will be adding frozen chopped veg to the list. Also frozen fruit for smoothies.
I will also get some stir through pasta sauces and ready roll pastry. Will also get chicken in a bag. I’ve seen those before. Can easily do that with frozen roasts and Yorkshire puddings.

thanks so much.

I'm relieved. Was expecting to get told off a bit 😂 I find it's so much less waste too.

@Chipsahoy just tonight kids asked for Pizza Rolls.

@AtleastitsnotMonday I like the sound of sausage traybakes. Have you got any suggestions?