Fussy eater

[jode19]

Hiya! My son is 6 and he's incredibly fussy and won't try new things. As a lone parent, I find this frustrating and I eat like crap because I despair cooking a meal just for one!
I really want to make a sheppard pie, he's never had it but I know when he sees it he's going to pull his face. If he doesn't eat it (I'm not counting on him eating it tbf) should I make him new food? Ofcourse will not force him to eat it but I don't want to give him the idea that whenever he doesn't like something I'm going to make him something new. I just need advice! Thankyou from a tired, hungry mum 😂

Are you familiar with Ellyn Satter's division of responsibility at mealtimes? Your responsibility is to decide what the options are, where and when the meals occur. Your child decides what and how much to eat.

Serve meals family style rather than plated up so he can take what he wants. When you are introducing something new, or something that he's previously rejected, then have some foods you know he will eat with it, so you aren't making him another meal afterwards. And then let him choose what he eats with no commentary. No cajoling, no 'one more bite', no aeroplanes, no threats of removing dessert.

Bump

Are you new to mumsnet OP? As the above seems quite rude to PP.

The etiquette of 'bumping' is if you have no response in hours/days and your thread is slipping of the front page you can bump it. But not completely ignore a detailed, well written, and helpful response that maybe doesn't resonate with you, and 'bump' as if you have had no replies at all. A simple response saying "thanks Toast, that doesn't work for X reason" is far more polite and has the same effect.

This is what I do with my fussy 4YO. Make it and don’t offer anything else. He might not eat it so he might say he’s hungry at bedtime. That’s when I retrieve the rejected meal and he eats it usually with no complaints.

with my DS he automatically says he doesn’t like things but once one mouthful has gone in he sometimes changes his mind.

I didn't see the previous response! My MN has been very buggy lately. :)

How would this work with meals like cottage pie etc? What I've been doing so far is if he doesn't eat his food then he doesn't get a treat afterwards and if he is hungry later on he can only have some toast/cereal.

If he agrees to eat/try his food then he will still get a treat etc.

Offer a selecton of foods at each meal, and allow him to graze/ pick what he likes (don't fill his plate for him).

There will be foods you offer each time that he will ignore many times and then eventually he will give it a go and discover he likes it. Kids need time to get used to foods.

Don't comment too much, don't make it a big deal, but ensure variety is offered.

Allow him to take charge of what he has and how much from the selection you put out, but don't offer things beyond what you initially put on the table.

To be honest I wouldn't make it an option to have cereal/ toast later on because that can become a routine - avoid dinner and have cereal at supper time. No.

If he's hungry later on then offer the same selection of food. Serve things buffet style as much as possible.

Children are very much discovering the world and discovering what they like to eat. Imagine if you went to a foreign country and were surrounded by new and unfamiliar foods and flavours, how would you want them presented to you? You would likely want to give things a try, but you'd want to feel in control of what you try and when. So offer that experience to your child.

It can be more work to prepare multiple foods but they don't have to be complicated. A few spoonfuls of cottage pie could come with a bit of garlic bread, some carrot sticks, few salad bits. If he only eats the garlic bread that's OK. Next time you do that meal he might try cottage pie, he's a bit more used to it.

Don't put pressure on and let him feel in control within the constraints you provide.

Maybe get him to help you with the cooking? Get him used to just holding and seeing and prepping different things...they are usually more willing to try things if they've been involved in making it.

My DD isn't a fussy eater but I still tend to channel division of responsibility and try to serve things 'separately' so she can pick and choose. I find she's more likely to give new foods a proper try this way.
With shepherd's pie, sometimes she loves the mash and other times isn't bothered for it, same with peas/carrots in the sauce Vs on the side. I tend to do it "deconstructed" and let her choose.
It's not quite the same as a big bubbly baked shepherd's pie, but I'm less stressed and she tends to eat more variety. I'm sure it won't always be this way, so just make a few tweaks to keep things separate, especially while he's widening his taste repertoire? Also means you can include one or two things you're confident he likes.

Hard to be specific because I don't know what he eats. If there are vegetables he will eat I'd make sure that at least one of them is there. So have carrots, cucumber, sweetcorn or whatever as a side. Something like cottage pie is trickier as it's a one dish meal, but maybe save a little mashed potato so there's some plain potato for him or a roll. There might be some strange meals, like lasagne with toast and peas but including food he recognises and likes will make mealtimes less stressful for him. This way he can fill up with veg/starch and he's still exposed to different foods that you're eating. With the exception of things like autism or ARFID (which I'd recommend specialist support for) most children won't starve themselves if they are presented with a range of foods. (I kinda do this myself as an adult. If there's a meal I want to try that I'm unsure of, I'll make sure that there are also things I like alongside. If the meal doesn't hit then I won't starve.)

If you are plating up for him, just serve him a very small amount of everything, as kids can get overwhelmed by big portions - he can always have more. Having set meal and snack times might help, so you both know when the next meal is if he's hungry in-between. If he always has fruit for supper, then that's separate from the meal he missed earlier. Set lengths for mealtimes also work, he has 15 minutes then he can get up and move on with the day.

If you are happy for him to have a treat, just serve it with the rest of the meal. It's all just food. Making his main meal be the bush tucker trial that he has to endure to get the treat afterwards doesn't always create the healthiest attitude to normal healthy food, and it's also adding pressure to the table. I'd just put his plate down and say "here's your dinner: it's cottage pie, carrots, a roll and some smarties" and then move on to chatting about your day. Then after the meal, clear up without commentary. You cannot make him eat and turning mealtimes into a battle of wills will only make both of you miserable. If he doesn't eat much, there's always the next meal or snack time (unless obviously there are other other issues).