Help me feed my family!

[Frustratedcook]

Hi,

I love food. I love cooking, I love eating, I love experimenting with food. I have very few dislikes, and those that I have are quite easy dislikes to avoid. Food has helped me through some difficult times - had a life-changing bereavement a few years ago, did some cookery courses to cheer myself up. Always looked forward to the day that, if I was lucky enough to have a family, making lovely dinners and sitting down with them. I say all this to set the scene.

What I have ended up with is three incredibly fussy children, and a husband who, as well as already being a bit fussy, has developed a number of intolerances. As well as the diagnosed intolerances (which I have catered for without any fuss) he's also very coincidentally saying that he thinks he's intolerant to things that previously didn't like. The kids are 6, 7 and 9, and I hoped things would be easier now, but no. DH cooks dinner a few times a week, I do the rest. He can't really cook that well, so he cooks the same three meals every week that he knows everyone will eat. I can't deal with eating exactly the same things every week, so I try to bring in a bit of variety. But I'm really, really struggling, and it's really getting me down.

This is the list of things that at least one person will not eat, either through dislikes or intolerances (both diagnosed and undiagnosed):
Pasta in a sauce other than tomato
Rice
Couscous
Potatoes in any form
Garlic bread, unless it's shaped like a pizza
Vegetables other than carrots, or very finely chopped onion
Noodles, unless they're done one particular way, and that includes one of DH's diagnosed intolerances
Most fruit
Meat if it looks like meat - processed meat and things made of mince are OK
Most cheese
Ham
Creamy things
Anything with nuts in
Fish, unless it's fish fingers
Prawns or any seafood
Too much garlic
Too little garlic
Coconut
Most curries
Anything too spicy
Anything too eggy (quiche is OK)
Most pies
Takeaways (apart from pizza)
Crusty bread
Most table sauces (apple, cranberry etc) apart from ketchup

I've had enough of trying to keep everybody happy. Kids were brought up as babies and toddlers being offered lots of new things. There are no sensory issues or medical problems with the kids. My shopping order is taking so long. I've asked for what people want and the only answer is pizza and burger. I try and put something on the plate that everyone will eat, but that means that sometimes kids are only eating bread, or carrots for dinner. I try not to let the frustration show, and I think they're all only now realising how tricky it is to cater for them.

Any tips? It's really getting me down that something that brings me so much pleasure is becoming a really unpleasant chore. DH can't cook more frequently due to working hours. I've announced that this week I'm going back to basics and serving up really dull food - just plain meat or fish, plain potatoes and plain veg. I'd rather they left food that has been no effort for me.

Thanks for all your replies. I won't reply individually as it would take forever, but thank you for taking the time and sharing some ideas. I've noted some down as definite tries, and some as possible tries, hopefully something will stick.

Did the children get more picky when your DH started having more 'intolerances'??? If the kids don't have any sensory issues, I do feel that its dads attitude to food that is influencing theirs. I think its DH that needs to change, be more positive, try different things and the kids 'might' follow in time.

This is an interesting question. I wouldn't say they got more fussy, but occasionally the oldest has tried "I think I'm intolerant" when he doesn't want to eat something. I've pointed out that if he really does think he's intolerant, I can take him to the doctor and he might need a blood test. He backs down then. Doesn't eat the thing, but stops saying it.

We have similar issues here - a selection of contradictory intolerances across various people and differing food difficulties (one possible ARFID) amongst the DC.

What I do is reduce meals to componants. For any given meal I provide a carbohydrate, protein, vegetables and a sauce. All are produced separately so no one gets upset about things being mixed up. This often means two of everything (eg normal pasta and GF pasta, or rice and chips), which is pan heavy, but ensures everyone is fed. There are never less than 4 vegetable options on the table, often one veg served two ways (DS3 will only eat carrots boiled; DD will only eat them roasted). Pizzas are made by individuals using wraps as bases. DD (possibly ARFID) has an Emergency List of 5 meals she is guaranteed to eat if it all goes wrong.

This is not totally foolproof - the only vegetable we all eat is peas, and even then (if I'm honest) I'm not keen, I'm just a grown up. I also pair things that people can't manage - DD and DS3 don't do mince because of the texture, so if we have lasagne or moussaka they might have sausages. If we have salmon, they have fish finger wraps. I have been known disassemble pies so I produce meat, sauce and discs of cooked pastry to balance on the top for the pie-eaters.

It's hell, I'm sorry. Good luck.

I do think you have a little bit of a DH problem - his fussiness tells the DC that it's OKAY to be fussy. He's not exactly modelling healthy eating habits.

Tomatoe based pasta sauces can be quite varied. I used to do bacon and onion and whatever vegetables were lying around with tomatoes. I also do a version of aribiata with aubergines which works well.

I make chicken burgers using chicken breast fillets that I simply fry lightly. We add avocado to them and DD has crudités alongside. Feels less unhealthy than a huge burger with lots of oil.

On a similar note, chicken breast fillets sliced horizontally, dipped in egg and breadcrumbs and fried make a better version of chicken nuggets! I usually add thme and lemon zest to the breadcrumbs for extra flavour. If your DC/DH will eat this, they go really well with courgette. I usually slow fry them in a small amount of oil in a non stick pan so that they get all soft then crank up the heat and add a bit of garlic and lemon zest at the end.

If they like mince, what about a philly cheese pasta style dish?

But mostly, I'd be letting them eat bland and boring and at least once or twice a week cooking myself whatever meal I would actually like.

Spaghetti and meatballs?

You can get fancy but I either buy in meatballs or use sausage meat (v popular around here, probably less healthy) rolled into balls. Brown meatballs then set aside. Add sliced (or, in your case, finely chopped) onion and sauté until soft. Add a bit of garlic and some sage, then a tin of tomato. Stir and bring to boil. Add about 300ml beef stock. (double tomatoes and add about 500ml stock if doing a v big batch). Stir and boil for a few minutes to thicken. Season with salt, pepper and sugar then return meatballs to pan in single layer and simmer for 30 minutes. I have been known to grate a carrot or courgette into the sauce to add additional nutrition!