RIGHT! I am off work for 2 weeks over Christmas and I expect my children to eat properly at the end of it. Please help me!

[OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL]

They will not eat:

soup
sauces
stews

The do not like 'wet' food iyswim

Individual ingredients - yes. In a mix - no.

Now I did a thread a while back saying pffffff, who cares, but I have changed my mind and now I do care GOD DAMMIT!

I want us all to sit down round the table and EAT without a small person moaning.

I do all the yawnsome stuff of preparing it together yadda yadda and all the stuff the makes you want to lose the will to live, but they would rather go hungry.

So. Tell me how to do it .

don't do it

you will end up like Franny - screaming and thowing the dinner in the bin

Don't bother. Mine don't like this stuff much yet either. DD1 is 10 and might eat some of it, but dd2 (8) definitely won't. She just eats the jacket potatoes that go with it or else dips the bread & butter in. Wait till they're older, is my advice.

Olive, my darling, I agree with you that you should care and try and get them to eat your family meals but not at Christmas, honestly. They will be out of routine, you will be visiting, there will be copious amounts of chocolate around. It will end in tears - yours and theirs. Leave it until into the new year.

but I can't carry on

am vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv annoyed

they will eat without moaning:

houmous, carrots, red peppers, pasta (but only with certain sauces), grapes, sugarsnap peas, bread, chicken, bolognese (now and again), potatoes, cheese

and maybe other stuff

BUT only in the form of say a buffet style tea - all chopped up on a plate

I WANT TO EAT A FARKIN LASAGNE
or a SHEPHERDS PIE FGS

my reasoning is that it is easier to sort meals out when I am off work

when I work we do not eat together (mainly because I swing through the door and can't be arsed)

Olive they sound very similar to my ds1.

All I can say is thank heavens for ds2, who loves home cooking and is a dream to feed.

Still leaves me with ds1 to contend with though (he's 8 BTW)

oh god, I thought they would eat properly when older

they are 5 and 3

what do you do then re meals?

atm, when we all eat together, it gets put on the table and prodded. They eat the things I know they will eat (ie carrots) and then will whinge for the next 20 mins

then have cereal before bed

last night at 5 pm, ds1 had ready made cheese pizza and raw carrot sticks

ds2 had chicken goujons (M&S) spaghetti, carrots and beans with gravy (odd I know but he likes gravy on his veg)

the grown-ups had souvlaki (lamb marinated in lemon garlic oregano and olive oil) salad and dips at 7pm

we were joined but the dses for a snack....

ds1 had some pitta and taramasalata

ds2 had full on red pepper hummus, pitta and lamb

does that count as eating as a family???

I wouldn't spoil your holiday break with this TBH!

I'd wait until 31 Dec and talk to them about the promises we make for the year ahead. Type out a big certificate thing on the computer and print out and get them to sign it.

I solemnly promise to:

1. Eat everything put down on the table with gusto

1. Try at least one bite of everything on my plate

etc etc

On your's and DH's have things like:

1. I promise not to make a fuss if food is not eater

1. I will clear the plates away from the table 20mins after we start to eat without commenting

1. I will offer no other foods at all between meal times, if food is not eaten at a meal

1. Once a week Sophie will choose what we eat for dinner

1. Once a week Jasmina will choose

1. etc etc etc

Or whatever rules you want to put around food and eating.

Then stick them up on the wall somewhere very prominant and then seal the promise with a toast of champagne (grape juice) before bed.

I avoid doing any meals with mince in them, when sitting down as a family. Neither of mine will eat touch 'em. It doesn't matter though, coz dh & I can have those sorts of things together on evenings where the dds have eaten earlier. I wouldn't stress about it, there are so many other meals you can do that there's no point battling against it.

Oh god - I constantly swing between the laissez-faire approach (plonk humous, carrots sticks, cucumbers, RED pepper, pitta bread on table - let him get on with it) and the Victorian parent (watch him prod at beautifully prepared shepherd's pie and weep, somtimes with a bit of shouting, food in bin ranting, for good measure).

WHY WHY WHY - what is wrong with a bloody jacket sodding potato anyway!?!?!?!

Am in resigned mode at the moment. Definately don't think Christmas is the time to resurrect Victorian mum.

Chop veg, plonk on table, drink wine.

I have a few family members who are a child psychiatrists & have dealt with eating disorders in kids, and as a result my advice might be a bit 'clear cut' because it's been drilled into me so much by family. But fwiw, this is the advice. Others may disagree:-

• put the food you want to eat as a family on the table
• let kids help themselves from the selection, don't force them to eat anything or beg them or cajole them or offer rewards for eating it - it's just 'this is dinner. Eat dinner, or don't eat dinner. It's dinner, not a debate'
• the only 'ban' is on complaining about the food. This is not because the food is 'lovely' ('but it's lovely, why don't you eat it?' - that's subjective, if they don't think it's lovely, you can end up in a 'yes it is, no it isn't' situation...). The reason it's banned is because it's bad manners to criticise food which somebody has taken the time to cook for you, and that's the message - they can eat or not eat, but they shouldn't criticise when you've taken the time to cook. But they don't have to eat.
• don't offer alternatives. if they don't eat it, then they didn't eat dinner. They won't starve. They'll only starve if they find that not eating gets attention in the family, and stop eating as a result. They won't starve if their lack of eating is being ignored

-plan menus together with your kids so that they can choose some meals and you choose some meals. If they've 'signed up' to the week's menu in advance you have far more chance than if it's just brought out

• plan cooking together, especially the meals they don't like. They can do simple, non-knife, non-stove jobs around preparing the food.
• imagine you're a small person, and a giant is standing over you saying 'EAT THIS MEAL, OR I'LL BE ANGRY' - you'd feel less hungry, right? Whereas if you'd gone to the giant's house for tea, and didn't eat it all up and they didn't bother about it, you'd actually be more likely to try it the next time - because there's no pressure.

HTH, It's a bit longwinded, and I could actually go on much longer as this is something my family are evangelical about after treating eating disorders in kids & teens their whole careers...

see soapy has it sorted for you. I agree, I really would not do it before new year. Mine are normally fairly reasonable eaters (well DD is, DS is fantastic) but they are being awkward atm, getting extra treats, tired, hyper - it all has an effect.

some good tips here, thanks

meal planning is good idea, however dd1 currently makes vomit noises at new suggestions (cue ranting from me SOME CHILDREN DON'T HAVE FOOD etc etc)

I am off from Thurs 20 - Jan 2 so will have some time to crack the whip I think

Does it really matter if they prefer 'dry food'? I wouldn't waste time and effort stressing about this.

Re: Vomit noises. (Again am talking from family going on and on about these issues - it's all they talk about...)

In a quiet time where you aren't eating or about to eat or talking about food, tell her that it is hurtful and rude for her to do that. Give her an example she might understand eg. if her daddy brought you a cup of tea in bed and you looked at it and made vomit noises, how would that make Daddy feel? Tell her she doesn't have to eat things she doesn't like, although it would be very kind of her to try them without a fuss and then not bother, but if somebody offers you food then it's not kind to make that noise or make rude comments. But it's okay to say 'I don't like that. I will try it, but I'd like to have some red peppers on my plate too, please.'

No point doing the 'children in Africa' thing. Kids in the developed world who have never been hungry don't get it, they're surrounded by images which are a dichotomy of obesity or perfection and food is something you just buy at the supermarket. My Dad had malnutrition as a kid and I didn't understand that I should be grateful to have food until I was about 16.

I don't suppose it matters in the grand scheme of things but it is a MAJOR pita if we want to eat out

or go to someones house etc etc

What Soapbox said.

I work on the basis that everything I put on the table is perfectly edible, and if they choose not to eat it, that's up to them. I don't cajole, persuade, threaten or bribe. If they want to go hungry, fine. They won't starve overnight. As a corollary though, I don't generally cook special meals for the children -- we either eat together or I plan adult suppers to leave enough pasta sauce or whatever for the children to eat the following day. So I don't need to take it personally if they don't eat it.

The only other rule in the frogpond is that nobody, but nobody, is allowed to moan about the food. Someone (usually me) has gone to the effort of cooking it, and it's just downright rude to criticise. They don't have to eat it, but small people whingeing about food ("eer, that's yucky, eeew, it's got bits in, eeeooow, don't like it" is a fast track to my nuclear button. Occasionally when served up with particularly unappetising re-hashed leftovers, dd1 (12) will say, "Um, Mummy, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but, um, what exactly is this?"

Generally mine will eat most things that cross their field of vision, with a reasonable grace.

do you give them anything else to eat if say they refuse your lovingly prepared lasagne?

atm mine get houmous and carrots or cereal

but they WANTED houmous and carrots in the first place, so it sort of seems as if they are getting their own way

at vomit noises. That is really not okay. I don't think any of mine would dare to try that at the table, for fear of scary monster mummy making an appearance, but if they did, I'd have the offender out on the stairs so fast their feet wouldn't touch the ground. It's a particular hate of mine -- so rude.

I think if food choices are an issue though, I might be wary of too much prior discussion, as it ups the ante a bit. My line is much more: 'this is what's available, take it or leave it'.

my twins are the same and my ds1 has special needs that has resulted in a separate meal every night( he will eat different food if bribed, but then vomits it back - so i don't go there any more!). can i suggest baby steps? i serve pasta dish components separately on the plate and then they mix it up them selves. if i make a stew i just scoop the veg and meat out for them. tbh their dad was like this and worse as a child and now is fine and i use a multi vit for peace of mind. soup is something i make for myself because i deserve it and i give them a sandwich!

the becster very interesting advice i try not to stress too much about food but do have the line that this is dinner, IT, take or leave it..
and it seems to have sunk in

op
eating out is a meal kinda missed in my experience sometimes there is too much going on for them to eat aswell..
it wont do them any harm to miss one meal and its the social occasion of eating with others rather than the food ...iyswim..

yes, she does get told off for the vomit noises

and I do say this is dinner, take it or leave it

but it is so TIRESOME and doesn't work

maybe I need to back off a bit?