Dawdling at mealtimes - driving me insane

[MaggieW]

DS, just turned three, is the world's biggest dawdler when it comes to mealtimes. His sister, 17 months, has hoovered all of hers up before he's even taken a couple of mouthfuls, even when he's starving. It's driving me mad as I feel I have to constantly be on his back nagging and I end up dreading mealtimes, especially in the evening. Any suggestions welcome!

My dd has just turned three as well. My suggestion sounds mean, but has been extremely effective. When the dawdling begins I remind her to eat, then if the dawdling continues I set the oven timer for five minutes and tell her that in five minutes we're going up for her bath and so if she wants anymore she must eat it before the timer goes off (if she's doing really well and isn't dawdling and still hungry after five minutes then I let her eat more, but if the dawdling is still going on I just put the food in the bin and we go for her bath). I try to keep the whole thing low key but extremely firm as I don't want to make an issue of food for her, so I never show her if I feel cross about her not eating, I'm just firm about our rules. Since doing this she hardly ever dawdles and takes my reminders to eat seriously! I think at this age a lot of the time the dawdling isn't intentional - my dd just gets caught up in thinking and isn't that good at multi-tasking! Good luck, hope this helps.

...dd's grandmother was round the other day and spent a long time with fork in mid-air while she relayed a long story and dd suggested I set the oven timer for her too ...

our 3 year old is a pain too. Sometimes I give he warning that is his food isn't finished before a set time it is going in the dog ! It seems to work - he got very upset the one time it did go in the dog . Must try it again sometime soon.

i use timer too. not cruel & effective

give him the food, give him 20 minutes then ask if he's finished because you're taking it away in 5 minutes, then count down 5 minutes, 3 minutes, 1 minute (explaining what's going to happen ie you're going to remove the plate) then take it away

In between ignore him .. the more you cajole the more interesting dawdling becomes

or give him a carpet picnic in front of tv

MaggieW - ditto and it drives me NUTS!!!

I like the timer idea - never tried it but I will tonight!! It's so annoying because I need ds1 and ds2 to eat up so I can go and do ds3 bath, their bath, ds3 bottle, their milk...... There is just too much to do at that time of night to be faffing about.

DS1 is not a great eater and he finds any excuse - every night he decides he needs a wee after just one mouthful - arghghghghg!

Thanks for timer idea! I do say '5 mins' but a timer would make it more 'real'.

I use timer too on 4 & 3 yrs. It does work really well.

It also stops me getting angry as I know when we are calling a halt!

Mine always want to wee just after we have started eating - the only solution is to make them go before sitting down, otherwise you risk a flood!

God, this sounds familiar - I thought it was just us! DD 2.9 and spends ages just faffing about - trying to sit on our laps or just fiddling with her fork/spoon/ table/ chair. I must admit I am very impatient and quite often just lose my temper which I know I not helpful! I quite often threaten to take her food away and throw it in the bin or ive it to Daddy - this sometimes makes her eat up but usually end up doing both to great moaning and wailing. Hopefully she will get the message before too long. Am resisting the urge to give the 'starving children in Africa' lecture that my Mum use to give me when I wouldn't eat my Wheetabix!!!

This is one that gets right up my nose too with dd. Will defo try the timer thing. Good suggestion Ellaroo.

This is the reason I LOVE mumsnet. My dd is the worst eater ever and mealtimes are a battle. The dinner in the dog one I have tried and although it spurs her into putting another mouthful in, the next forkful requires further threats. It does my head in. I shall go out and buy an egg timer tomorrow - what a fantastic idea. It sounds like it works and also leaves you to enjoy your food without having to remind said child to feed itself every 30 seconds.............

Just thought I'd let you know - used the 'timer' tonight and it worked a treat for ds1!! Ds2 (only 2 last week) didn't really get it so remains a bugger to feed!!!

Don't you bloody hate tea time?? Gawd - tonight has just really reminded me. It's SO painful.

There must be something in the air, as we're all experiencing this. DD was at a friend's house for lunch today, and was so distracted that she barely ate. I thought that would mean a ravenous child tonight, and tried to guarantee an extra good intake by asking her what she wanted for tea. I fixed what she requested, and then had to practically beg her to eat it. Without having read this thread, I finally set the kitchen timer (great minds think alike!), and ended up binning about half of her dinner.

So frustrating, as she absolutely hoovers up food when nanny is feeding her, but eats like a sparrow for me. I don't want meal times to be stressful, but it is SO frustrating and puts me in a rotten mood! I admire those of you who can calmly deal with it. I don't lecture or shout, but definitely grit my teeth. Will continue reading your suggestions to see what other ideas emerge.

Other suggestion.
When we have other children to tea, once they have had a go at their main course (successful or otherwise) put lots of small pieces onto one plate or bowl and let them take their own small amounts.
It tends to inspire them into competition - who can eat the most. You will have to remind them that they have to take small amounts at a time and eat what they take!

I mean lots of small pieces of fruit/ sweet sandwiches etc.

Ive just given up worrying about this one. my eldest who is 5 seems to hardly eat a thing but weighs nearly 4 stone ( not fat just big)! I think it is easy to forget how small a toddlers stomach really is. I also sometimes worry that by pushing them when they are just not hungry to eat more I may be building the foundations of over eating in adulthood (I wish I only ate whan I was really hungry, but thats a whole new thread.........)A no afternoon snacks rule before tea has also helped us a lot.

Well Earlybird - I'm not ashamed to admit (well, I am a bit!) that I do end up shouting sometimes. It's terrible and i know it's counterproductive when I'm doing it but I'm at the end of my rope with it and by tea time, after a stressful day with 3 noisy boys, I just want them to eat up, bath and bed !

I realise that it sounds contraversial to suggest an eating competition for children. That wasn't really where I was headed though, because as long as there are no adults pushing them to take what they don't want, it naturally comes to a close when they have had enough.

Gobbledigook - know exactly what you mean. I always have an ideal bedtime scenario in mind of peaceful bedtime stories, intimate chats, lovely cuddles, etc. But overtired children/mum means that the ideal is rarely achieved. There are too many times that I put her to bed and then feel bad/guilty for not being more patient. I guess by the end of the day we're both tired and less resilient. Don't honestly know how you manage it with 3!!