Screaming mealtimes - advice please!

[dot1]

My 10 month ds is usually a really happy baby, until mealtimes, when he screams and howls through every meal. He eats OK for about half his meals, but even then will cry through them. The other half are awful - won't eat anything and gets really hysterical. He's putting on weight fine and is fit and healthy, and will also eat 'snacks' (the odd organic cheese puff!) without any fuss. He's also much calmer when he's eating his puddings... Has anyone else experienced this as it's driving me and my dp completely bonkers...

I must admit I turn DD (12m old) loose if she gets like that. Sometimes she's placated if we give her a fork or a drink or some thing to play with. But if she doesn't want to stay in the chair, we let her go. Lately she chucks everything on the floor, which I definitely take as a "I'm not really that hungry!" sign.

DH & I differ on this one... DH would like the kids to sit still at the table thru every meal, but that's not important to me. I believe it's not worth the hassle.

Thanks Zebra - dp and I would really like ds to sit at the table for all his meals - we have this vision of happy families all eating together, but it's certainly not happy at the moment..!

I worry that if I turn him loose he definitely won't eat any more and I'll be starving him...

my 10 month ds has started doing this a bit - in fact my parents (who look after him on a Wednesday) have just phoned me to say that he hasnt had any lunch. however he did eat some cheese but rejected pudding as well! he could be teething, not hungry (ate loads at childminder yesterday) or want to feed himself. I have noticed that when holding a spoon he sometimes tries to put it in the food and have tried giving him the spoon with some food on it but obviously this just goes everywhere.

have told them to try finger food - bread, cheese etc for tea and maybe this is the answer for a while.

Dot1, At the risk of stating the obvious, have you tried giving him his own "cutlery" so that he can "feed" himself. We found our DD very independant at 8/9 months and wanted to do everything herself. Good luck!

Yes, we usually give him his own spoon and his cup but these get flung on to the floor immediately - we pick them up for him (again and again) but it doesn't seem to help the crying/screaming...

Next plan is to get a suction bowl and let him have a proper go at feeding himself (aarrgghh!).

Oh dear - very independant little boy then! Our dd (now 21 m) still chucks her bowl and cutlery on the floor but laughs as she thinks it's a game. Our dd did love pieces of fruit - even though she didn't get any teeth until she was 15 months. Pear seemed to be a favourite that she loved.
Mind you if your DS is anything like our DD (and I suspect he is!) the reason for the screams are probably that he wants what you're eating. My DD will not eat all her food but once she gets out of her highchair she climbs straight on my lap and eats all my food!

Try putting the food directly on the high chair tray because most suction bowls do not work for most babies! It will, of course, just be a phase. But definitely encourage independence. DS will still eat anything with his fingers (shepherd's pie, baked beans etc).

Just to make you feel better my DS (19 mo) had a tantrum about going in his high chair last night and wouldn't calm down. So half way through the meal we took our food into the lounge and finished it there...

We went for the food on the tray method too - and used lots of things like pasta spirals which worked well as finger food. WE would have the same things (which is ok as we both like pasta) which got around the "wanting what mum has" bit too, and we'd con DS into wanting it by not giving him anything to start with until he was clamouring for ours, and then because he'd think he'd got what HE wanted, he'd eat it all.

By the way dot1, you won't be starving your child if they get up and haven't finished. It is really hard to expect a 10 month old to eat 3 big meals a day when sometimes they are hungrier than others. My two dd's sometimes eat like they have hollow legs, but other times bearly at all. This morning for instance the 18 month old have about 3 spoons of weetabix when normally she'll eat the whole thing. I can't force her and don't wantto make an issue of it. She might have a fruit snack later, but nothing really until lunch otherwise.

At 10 months I would just go with the flow and let him try to feed himself finger food as much as possible.

Thanks - he's always been a big baby and I suppose we worry about wanting to keep him big and healthy! He used to eat tons of mush at 4 - 5 months, but I think you're right - we'll have to get used to up and down finger food eating!

I know we mums say this about most things, but it really is "a phase". My ds went through it and emerged from it eventually.

What I would say - don't know if other people agree with this - is that you should try not to react when food is rejected. Act like it really doesn't matter and whatever you do don't offer lots of alternatives. That really is making a rod for your own back, I know because I did that with my ds and I think I'm still paying the price now because he is such a choosy little b**r. He won't try anything new or different (unless it's at somebody else's house of course), and I think he's basically got used to the fact that if he refuses one thing there is always something else he can have.

I remember reading somewhere that children physically are incapable of being able to sit through an entire adult meal, as they do not have the concentration. As soon as you accept this, as long as they have eaten, and they say "thank you" they are allowed to get down from the table.

Please do not let food times become a battle field, as I don't know of anyone who has won that battle, and you just make yourself more stressed.

I used to feel it was a personal rejection of me, when he rejected my food, but we all have days when we don't fancy something, so why shouldn't they?

DS is 2 and a half and going through a "not eating" phase. Started to get wound up about it then decided a few days ago that it was better not to react and just offer a bit of fruit, piece of toast etc. Eg something relatively boring. If he doesn't eat that either I just whack it all in the bin and ignore any requests for lolly pops. Am hoping he will get the message, if he is just being fussy, that he either eats what he is given or goes without any treats. Also am aware that he could just not be very hungry - in which case I wish I had his self control as I eat regardless (hence the recent joining of WW!)

my ds will only eat cheerios atm. sigh. except of course at nursery where he will eat everything they give him! never could have believed i would develop as much patience as i have now!

pet peeve - trotting out the cliche that if you give them a very varied diet to begin with, they will not become picky. well, ds has had his tastebuds tillitated with everything i could possibly think of to give him (v. healthy of course! ) but is still the pickiest little chap around - at home that is!

oh dear! that should be "tittilated"...!

Thanks for all the encouragement - and just to say that ds started at nursery last week - 2 days a week and the first thing they said when I picked him up was "isn't he a good eater?" !!! He apparently ate everything in sight and didn't even squeak...!

sigh... Things have been a bit better this week as we're starting to finish mealtimes as soon as he starts crying - trying not to worry that we're starving him, but at least we don't have to put up with all the screaming!