If you have picky eaters...

[MaryTheMiddle]

What will they eat please?

DH and DCs are a bit fussy over food. DH, I honestly don't even cook for anymore as he is too difficult to cater for 😩.

So, with DCs, one hates eggs, the other hates cheese in all its forms (even pizza). Both have recently decided they no longer like hummus. One will eat Bolognese or pasta with tomato & basil sauce, the other won't. They both don't really eat any meat. The only thing they agree on is that they like sausages and salami, which I'm obviously not giving them every day.

The main thing they'll eat is picnic type meals, where they can have a little plate of different things. They both like fruit and some veg, thank God, so their diet isn't terrible, it's just a pain in the arse, as they won't eat the same things!

Any ideas? They are still quite little (3&6), so I'm hoping they will grow out of it.

I fostered a pair of very fussy eaters but I didn’t pander to their restrictions. I cooked ‘normal’ meals (shepherds pie, curry, toad in the hole, roasts etc...) and praised them if they tried it, and ignored them if they left it. Gradually they became braver and more adventurous. I got them to help me with the cooking and took them food shopping which also made a big difference.

@Fivemoreminutes1

I fostered a pair of very fussy eaters but I didn’t pander to their restrictions. I cooked ‘normal’ meals (shepherds pie, curry, toad in the hole, roasts etc...) and praised them if they tried it, and ignored them if they left it. Gradually they became braver and more adventurous. I got them to help me with the cooking and took them food shopping which also made a big difference.

I have tried and tried this but my properly fussy one just doesn’t eat. 🙁

DH hasn't grown out of it ! Perhaps they are emulating him.

I was not allowed to be a "fussy eater" by my parents. Eat what I was given , or go hungry.

I did the same with my DC. So long as it was mainstream food, they had a choice - eat or leave.

Thanks, I've tried that, but maybe I need to persevere a bit more! Doesn't help that DH is nearly as bad as the 3yo! But he is usually still working when the DCs eat dinner anyway.

Mine are older and no longer fussy really, but they were when they were little. One thing that really helped was letting them serve/choose things themselves from serving plates/dishes.

Thanks, I'll try that with the serving themselves thing too.

There are fussy eaters and fussy eaters. When DD was little she would go hungry rather than eat something she didn't like. As she was underweight, and the HV was concerned about her it was a real uphill battle to get her to eat anything. She is now 20, and the only things she won't eat are meat and fish as she is vegetarian.

She is an excellent and adventurous cook.

My older one is definitely on the skinny side, but has never been underweight. The younger one is on the chunky side, but has never been overweight.

They do eat relatively healthily, but it isn't big, family meals like I had growing up. Saying that, fussy DH is very slim and I'm currently battling with my weight, so maybe those big, family meals weren't a good thing!

They will eat picnic type tea quite happily or roast dinners, (each preferring different parts).

Thanks, I'll try that with the serving themselves thing too.

It definitely helped with mine. I remember reading at the time that rejecting food at that age is only partly about taste/texture and also partly about control. Giving them some control over what goes on their plate makes them feel like they've had some choice in the matter, but without letting them dictate what you cook!

Thanks, that's very helpful

Dc1 and I went through a recipe book today and found some recipes she likes the look of, so I am going to include them in my meal plan. Dc2 is quite young for his age bless him, so he will just have to enjoy what he can of whatever I serve! I'll include the veg I know he likes etc.

I don't think eating picky type food is that big a deal, if it's sufficiently varied and nutritious. Arguably, for example, a meal of chicken with potatoes and vegetables is not really any different to a cold meal of a some ham, with some tomatoes and cucumber and a piece of bread. It's more in your head.

DD is a bit fussy but is slowly getting better. She likes pasta pesto and spaghetti bolognaise but otherwise only likes food that is all in separate pieces on the plate - which I'd argue is just a hot version of a picnic supper. In the last week that has meant she's had baked chicken served with new potatoes, baby corn and carrots; sausages with broccoli, carrots and chips; a pork chop with potatoes, peas, carrots and corn; spaghetti bolognaise (with secret mushrooms and lentils added); pasta pesto with bacon.

I'd like her to eat a more varied selection of vegetables or even a few more vegetarian options which me, DH and DS enjoy, but I work on the assumption that carrots, peas, broccoli, corn as well as onion/tomatoes/other hidden veg in the bolognaise is a good base. She also eats a lot fruit and has avocado most days and will eat cucumber/peppers sometimes at lunch.

Arguably, for example, a meal of chicken with potatoes and vegetables is not really any different to a cold meal of a some ham, with some tomatoes and cucumber and a piece of bread.

I don't agree. Ham is processed meat and high in salt- a lot worse than home cooked chicken. Potatoes also better than bread. I'm not saying they shouldn't eat bread, but the two meals aren't remotely equal imo. Cucumber is mostly water.

I don't agree. Ham is processed meat and high in salt- a lot worse than home cooked chicken. Potatoes also better than bread. I'm not saying they shouldn't eat bread, but the two meals aren't remotely equal imo. Cucumber is mostly water.

@lazylinguist I agree with you! My point was that from the child's perspective, the two meals aren't that different and that therefore you can swap out the child's "picky" cold meal for a better meal like chicken, potatoes and vegetables but t in a way that feels to the child that it's similar to the "picky" meal they usually have.

Ah ok - I see what you mean! Yes, a lot of it is about how the meal is presented. Lots of children are put off by a) too much on the plate b) a mass of stuff rather than distinct, separate items.

Have you tried using plain white ordinary size dinner plates, with your dc dishing up their own food. A patterned plate will make the plate look full/busy, too small a plate makes the meal look too much.

Oh that's really interesting about the plates. We have plain white dinner plates, so will give that a go!

@RampantIvy

There are fussy eaters and fussy eaters. When DD was little she would go hungry rather than eat something she didn't like. As she was underweight, and the HV was concerned about her it was a real uphill battle to get her to eat anything. She is now 20, and the only things she won't eat are meat and fish as she is vegetarian.

She is an excellent and adventurous cook.

DD was similar, the GP told me a child would not starve themselves but she actually did. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to eat certain things she simply couldn’t. Now she is 16 and vegetarian, almost Vegan in fact and has a very healthy and well balanced diet. Some children are more than “fussy “ and the usual techniques won’t work

Do they snack? Much more likely to try things if they’re hungry!

My youngest age 3...
Probably chips, including with ketchup, maybe plain pizza, magnum ice creams, maybe plain crisps. Carrots. Roast potatoes, some types of biscuits & many sweets, bacon, sausages, sausage rolls. Milk. Cereal, porridge, plain bagels or tortillas with butter, pancakes. Possibly boiled egg white. Ham sandwiches on brown bread. Which he had daily. That's probably pretty close to the full & complete list.

They aren't prolific snackers actually...although maybe at school they get more, but I don't think so. One gets snacks at after school club certainly, but then we just do soup or a sandwich for dinner (two of her approved meals)!!

When I had fussy ones (disclaimer, no SN) the way I kept myself sane and them semi-nourished was twofold:

-Breakfasts and lunches were consistently something I knew 100% they would eat- unless genuinely sick or similar - even if this was very very plain food or the exact same thing day after day. E.g. one of mine went on a real beige kick where he basically ate not much other than bread products for ages, so toast for breakfast and cold pizza slices or a very very plain sandwich for lunch (at one point even plain cheese or ham would be rejected so he had a sandwich of bread with more bread for lunch!). I got some faces at nursery for this although thankfully this was pre-Jamie Oliver days so slightly less judgy than today. TBF my others were always good eaters at school/nursery so this helped a lot (less so at home and would violently reject foods they'd (apparently) trough down at nursery which I never really understood, maybe peer pressure?)

-One meal a day had variety to it and included horrifying items like fresh vegetables on a regular basis. For us this was dinner and whether it was family dinner with adults or children's tea just for them, I pretty much cooked what I wanted to that day, no making special meals for individuals, although obviously I would in general choose meals I expected them to like/had previously liked. I would serve 'family style' ie communal bowls in the middle where possible (e.g. pasta and sauce separate) and everyone had absolute freedom to choose what parts of the meal they ate and which parts they didn't. If they didn't want to eat any of it that was also fine but they had to sit at the table politely while everyone else ate and no special extras would be provided for them (although I would be a bit tactical about this and sometimes include say a bread basket so I knew there would be at least one 'safe' item). No rudeness about the food was allowed or throwing around of food items, but I didn't do any much cajoling, telling off or praising for eating, just let them try things in their own time and to their own appetites. We had quite a few frustrating meals where the fussy ones would just eat a small amount of plain pasta and nothing else or sometimes nothing at all, but crucially because I knew they'd eaten two solid meals already that day and would eat again at breakfast the next day they wouldn't starve. The fussy period did gradually pass in all cases (the bread eater very slowly expanded his range to pasta and potatos and from there to plain/bland protein and eventually to sauces, dairy, veg etc). Although it varied from child to child how long the fussiness went on for, all were fairly good eaters by the time they finished primary school and are great as adults now, all eat healthy diets and a range of foods.

I'm not claiming this system is perfect, far from it, my kids ate plenty of freezer food and not nearly enough fruit and veg but on the other hand meals were (usually!) not stressful or battleground experiences and none of them ended up malnourished or having issues around food as adults, they always knew there would be enough 'safe' food to eat even if it wasn't provided exactly when they asked for it. Yours sound like they do actually eat a variety of foods and if the majority of their veg intake is cucumber, well at least they eat something. You can try doing bowls of chopped up cucumber on the side of other foods so if they won't try (e.g.) brocolli with their sausage and mash, they can have cucumber instead, and yes it's not 'proper' but at least they've had something? Take your victories where you can I say