Fussy children getting worse with age

[haveaday]

I don't know how this has happened. I love food, I love (loved) cooking and I'm a pretty decent home cook. Over the last couple of years my 3 children have regressed with their food preferences to being extremely fussy. They are 16, 13 and 9 and once upon a time we used to enjoy a whole range of healthy, tasty home cooked food. we now have such food anxiety that my 9 year old will ask what's for breakfast lunch and dinner when I tuck her in a night. And then worry about it all night.

My 13 year old is the worst she point blank refuses to eat anything containing meat that I have cooked. (She's not vegetarian, she eats McDonald's) I was making her veggie sausages, grilled halloumi, soya mince etc based meals but now she is refusing these too. She won't eat vegetables except cucumber. She eats loads of fruit though on the upside and occasionally will have toast. She won't eat anything with cheese or any kind of sauce on pasta. She won't eat chips or mashed potato.

My 16 year old has sensory issues so a lot of his food choices are around that. He's obsessed with tomatoes, I have to hide them and then ration them back into the fridge otherwise he'd eat every single one in the fridge in one sitting. He won't eat anything creamy, sticky, gooey, cheesy, he won't eat chips or bread or anything that has lemon on it. He won't eat freezer food. He will eat most meat and most veg and apples but no soft fruit like berries or bananas.

My 9 year old won't eat potatoes or anything with a sauce (pasta/noodles/gravy on a roast/bbq sauce on chicken etc) she won't eat anything with onions (Bolognese, chilli, stews, cottage pies all out) there's more but I'm too tired to go into it.

I'm utterly exhausted by it all and meal times are a horrible affair where everyone gets upset because I can't please everyone every meal without making 3 different things. I've tried getting them to cook with me, I've tried getting them to meal plan, I've tried getting them to cook independently (for the whole family) but it doesn't work.

I've stopped cooking for myself now too and I'm living on takeaways and ready meals because the thought of cooking just makes me cry.

How can I resolve this situation?

They should simply be served something at meal times which caters to their genuine needs

Which is what I said. Where we disagree is whether OP's DC have "genuine needs". From what OP has said, it sounds like all 3 may meet the diagnostic criteria for ARFID and have "genuine needs".

Sorry I meant to add that this sounds like a total pita for you op and very stressful

Lockdown has been very hard on the young and all of the anxieties are only emerging now.

Maybe order in McDonalds every single night of the week and they may soon be begging for proper food?

Or could you try cooking together?

I'd give yourself a break though and open a few tins and a few microwave meals for a bit and have a break. As long as there is bread cheese and fruit, yoghurts in the fridge, they are not going to starve.

It's a few weeks until the summer. Hopefully their eating habits will improve as things get back to normal?

@chesirecat99

They should simply be served something at meal times which caters to their genuine needs

Which is what I said. Where we disagree is whether OP's DC have "genuine needs". From what OP has said, it sounds like all 3 may meet the diagnostic criteria for ARFID and have "genuine needs".

They may well, but if OP suspects that, as I said in my post, she needs to take them to the GP to discuss it. You can't diagnose anything based on what has been posted here.

OP hasn't indicated that she feels her children - other than the 16 year old - have any particular medical or sensory needs. She just mentions a fairly recent change in eating habits (which coincides with lockdown, a weird and unsettling time for everyone).

My advice is based on the info we have and includes that if OP is worried then she should talk to a professional.

@nancywhitehead I have tried everything believe me. I've said a million times eat this or starve and they choose to starve. I've tried threatening straight to bed if you don't eat your meal, they get up and go to bed. We've had endless tears and tantrums.

My 16yo who had diagnosed SEN and sensory issues is probably the best eater of all of them.

I've tried cooking with them, I've tried them cooking on their own, choosing a meal to prepare and doing it with or without my help.

Ive tried getting them meal plan, to do shopping lists etc etc but here we are with the same problems. It definitely got worse last year but the problems were there before.

This sounds stressful. If it were me I would consider not making 'meals' and instead putting out an assortment of different picnic style foods in the middle of the table with serving spoons. Let them help themselves. Eg:

Quiche/sausage rolls
Baguette
Boiled eggs
Cold chicken
Rice or bean salad
Green salad
Corn on cob

Vary it a bit daily and of course lots would be leftovers so you wouldn't be making everything from scratch...

They may well, but if OP suspects that, as I said in my post, she needs to take them to the GP to discuss it. You can't diagnose anything based on what has been posted here.

The first thing I said was she should get professional advice. In the meantime, if they are just trying their luck, pandering to them will do no harm in the short term, whereas tough love could be extremely damaging and make things worse if they have genuine issues.

OP hasn't indicated that she feels her children - other than the 16 year old - have any particular medical or sensory needs.

we now have such food anxiety that my 9 year old will ask what's for breakfast lunch and dinner when I tuck her in a night. And then worry about it all night.

Food anxiety at this level is most definitely a medical need.

Op this sounds so stressful!
If you asked each child what their ideal plate of food would be (cooked at home, not McDonald’s etc), what would they say?