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Original poster

DS has given up decent food and I am beginning to lose my rag

21 replies

spikeycat · 01/11/2004 09:57

Ds1 will be 2 in dec and has always prefered home cooked food to sausages and nuggets etc. He loved his roast dinners and stews and shepherd pies but recently when ever I have placed this in front of him he looks at me like i'm a moron and say "no" in a high pitched squeek then demands sausages.
I don't want to force the food on him but equally I don't want him living on junk ALL the time. Please give me some advice, should I serve up what I want and if he doesn'r eat it then tough or give in to him?
Trouble is, when I have said fine, don't eat it two minutes later he is pulling at his high chair saying din dins - this is driving me potty!

OP posts:

joanneg · 01/11/2004 10:03

I had this problem and this is how I solved it (not for the faint hearted!)

I would make ds a meal and if he ate it - great, but if he didnt then I wouldnt make him an alternative. He quickly cottoned onto to the fact that if he didnt eat what I gave him he would be hungry. It isnt as cruel as it sounds. I just couldnt afford to make him meals and have to keep making alternatives.

Anyway it worked! Hope that this makes sense!

Original poster

spikeycat · 01/11/2004 10:07

I have decided this week there will be NO sausages or fish fingers or sweeks or lollys. He is getting very demanding, whating crisps or lollys all the time, so I'm just going to cut them out and that will be that! I'll serve up what I like and i he doen't eat it then he'll be hungry. Should I still offer him a yogurt or some fruit after he doesn't eat it?

OP posts:

throckenholt · 01/11/2004 10:08

I agree with joanneg - just say calmly and firmly that is all that is on offer - if he doesn't want to eat it fine - but there is nothing else til the next meal. If he wants to come back and eat in a few minutes when he realised you are serious - fine.

The key is not to get angry and don't argue (not easy because they can be sooooo frustrating ).

My twins will be 2 in Jan - so similar stage. Sometimes they genuinely don't want to eat - other times they are just messing around. But whatever, they only get offered the one thing - if they aren't hungry they don't eat at that meal (usually they eat a lot the next meal).

throckenholt · 01/11/2004 10:09

I would offer the yoghurt and fruit - but again don't push it - only offer it if you were planning to have a second course anyway.

Original poster

spikeycat · 01/11/2004 10:11

I have already made the mistake of being v

I could kill him some times when he chucks the food on the carpet or at his little brother!

OP posts:

joanneg · 01/11/2004 10:11

Thats the attitude! Take back the power! If he moans, walk away and dont get drawn into a discussion about it! Toddlers must have a toddler handbook that states "moan, groan, wear mummy down and you will get your own way!"

If ds doesnt eat his dinner - I wait an hour and offer it again (if it reheatable) to see if he has come around to the idea. I will still give him fruit and healthy stuff as long as I dont think that he is using it to fill up on iyswim.

Just a warning, it will be a shcok to him at first and he is going to pull out all of the stops to make you give in - but it gets better - he will just be testing you. Get some ears plugs if you have to!!

Let me know how you get on - hopefully you will probably get some tips as well

Angeliz · 01/11/2004 10:15

My dd is 3.6 and started at about that age too
(Before that she'd have seconds of casseroles and everything!!)
I always try to have at least one thing she'll eat,(even if it's bread and butter on the table-though don't do this every night otherwise they JUST eat that!!).
Lately dd has tried a few new things and the other night ate 5 carrots!!!

Just keep your cool, he'll come round eventually!!+

throckenholt · 01/11/2004 10:22

they know just the right buttons to push to really wind you up don't they

Original poster

spikeycat · 01/11/2004 10:49

I'm not looking forward to lunch time.... I will remain calm and serene!

OP posts:

Furball · 01/11/2004 10:59

Does he eat at the same time as you? My DS doesn't unfortunately as Dh doesn't get home until 6pm. So I usually save a few portions of what we've had to go in the freezer. I then give Ds a choice, this or that? Tempting fate by saying this, but USUALLY, because he's chosen what he wants, he normally will eat it. Occassionally he will pipe up he wants something snacky like spaghetti hoops and sausage. If he's not had it for a while, I let him. But I know how you feel as he would deffo eat that every night if he could.

throckenholt · 01/11/2004 11:07

another approach - give him something boring - like a piece of bread - while you sit down with what you really want him to eat. Sit calmly eating - in my experience he will soon be begging to eat your food

Skate · 01/11/2004 11:19

Spikeycat - ds1 is just like yours. He's 3.5 now but has been mega fussy from about 18 months. Before that, he would eat all our food - homemade lasagne, shepherds pie etc. He's been a complete nightmare but is getting marginally better now. If either he or ds2 won't eat what's in front of them, they get nothing. I know that sounds horrible but otherwise they'll just keep refusing knowing they'll get an apple/banana/yoghurt/cereal instead!!!

In terms of 'junk' food - mine LOVE sausages so rather than deprive them I just buy the best quality/highest meat content sausages I can find and they always have vegetables (peas, carrots) with them and HAVE to eat these as well. They usually do this. I also buy the Youngs fish dippers which they really like and seem to be quite good quality/good % of fish.

The only 'proper' food they will eat is sunday roast (and that's at a push!) and pasta dishes so I put tuna in pasta and sneak some spinach in there too.

I try not to worry too much because they do eat food from all the necessary food groups and they eat lots of fruit.

Maybe I should start getting tougher and get giving them lasagne/shep pie again and see how it goes. Now ds1 is 3.5 it's getting easier to 'bribe' him !

treacletart · 01/11/2004 12:48

Might be considered as pandering to the junk craving but you could try my brother's fantastic home-made nuggets - you roll pieces of chicken breast in egg and lightly seasoned cornflake crumbs and then just grill for for say 10 mins turning once. Really easy, really healthy, no nasties.

sassy · 02/11/2004 07:48

SC, you could try making toad and veg in the hole as a healthy alternative to just sausages.
When yu roast sausages, (before adding batter) cut up smallish chunks of carrot, mushrooms and courgettes and turn them in the oil to coat well. Give them 15 mins or so in oven then add batter and cook as normal. Very tasty, reasonably healthy, and you can alter the proportions of saus to veg so it is mostly veg if you like.

joanneg · 02/11/2004 09:03

spikeycat - how are you getting on?

vivie · 02/11/2004 21:42

spikeycat, I have the same rules as joanneg and it works - eat what you're given or do without. I don't offer fruit or yogurt as an alternative, but at tea time if ds (23 months) really doesn't want what I've made he can have bread and marg just so I know he's not going to bed hungry (I'm not completly heartless!). The waY I see it is that I always provide good food so why shouldn't he enjoy it? - and I do make a lot of effort to make the family good tasty food that is presented nicely. At the end of the day I'm not running a restaurant and I am under no obligation to cater for fussy eaters. Nearly all the time food gets eaten with pleasure in our house - mummy's diet starts in the New Year!
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.

Original poster

spikeycat · 03/11/2004 10:01

well, I put his shepherds pie in front of him and got the usual "no!", so I left it there for 10 mins, took it away, offered him an banana and got another "no!" and a request for a yoggie, which I didn't give. Then went round a friends, all the way there he was asking for sweeties and I said no, you must eat din dins first (i took it with me!) BUT, when I got there she had bought cakes for us, and he's seen them so it was too late .
Yesterday it was mmr day so I gave him his sausages, I also make some AK pizza's with mushroom and toms on them which he loved. Seems to me if I let him help he will try to eat it. He's really not at the stage to offer a choice I don't think, although I will try to. Thanks for all the advice, I really do need it!

OP posts:

joanneg · 03/11/2004 10:08

The other thing to consider is that if you let him dictate what he eats - when (if!!) you have more children - can you imagine if they were all the same!! You would be making different meals for everybody - it would be a nightmare! Like Vivie says you are not running a resturant.

I just must be cruel! lol. If ds doesnt eat his dinner even if somebody has brought him a cake he wouldnt be allowed it. But I think it just shows what a lovely, caring mummy you are!

MarsLady · 03/11/2004 10:11

Spikeycat my DD2 was always my best eater. Would eat everything on the plate. Suddenly she stopped. I just ignored it and kept serving things up. I compromised a little (more for my sake than hers) and did what a few others have suggested. I'd make toad in the hole, homemade nuggets etc., but I did it for the whole family not specifically for her. I continued to serve what I wanted to serve because as it's been said below, I'm not running a restaurant. This is the age when they are learning what they do and don't like and if you don't make too much fuss (and it took me a while to work it out) then they will come back to eating all sorts. DS1 now likes medium rare steak and really hot curries. It will come good. Don't beat yourself up. Hope lunchtime goes well today. Mars

TwoIfBySea · 03/11/2004 21:30

Spikeycat, see how popular this is with the little tykes!!! My ds twins tried this last Spring (they are now 34 months old) in particular ds twin2. Like you I was driven nearly mad thinking they would starve if it continued. For me the fruit option wouldn't work as they would prefer that over all other kinds of food so I knew if I had tried that they would always refuse food and wait for the fruit to appear!

So what I did was, if they started kicking up I would turn away, if they continued or got worse, I'd either go outside (the kitchen leads to the back garden) or into the hallway. At first they would throw the food on the floor or at each other. So I would go in, not looking at them, saying nothing, clean it up, give them their drinks and go away again.

The attitude quickly changed as they prefered their real mummy to this whole silent thing! Even now there are times where they go off their food - I just revert back to what worked and get on with it. Agree with Joanneg that they must get some Toddler Handbook that gives them direction on this, it seems to be so common!

Stick in there Spikeycat!

Fran1 · 03/11/2004 21:40

Its tough if he doesn't eat it. And do not give in.

My dd sometimes says no no no hoping for some kind of response, i ignore her and move her plate away, when she realises shes had no reaction, she casually slides her plate back and gets on with eating!

I always offer a dessert whether or not she has eaten, to try and keep mealtimes enjoyable rather than a struggle and bribery.

DD has a snack in between each mealtime as well, so if i never worry if she doesn't eat at a mealtime v well. They will not let themselves starve.

HTH

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