tantrums at mealtimes - finicky 10 yr old

[briarrose]

My DD has always been a fussy eater, we've made slow progress over the years but at 10 she is still having tantrums at mealtimes, not all the time, but enough to make mealtimes horrid for the whole family. I just want her to eat well, but other mums i've spoken to with similar problem have just ended up leaving their kid to get on with it and eat what they want. Am I being too overpowering? I do sometimes feel it would make life so much easier if I just let her eat what she wanted and leave it when she says she' s had enough

IMO you cant (and arguably shouldnt) make / force a child to eat...

however you can not let them eat other things...

so offer meal... let them eat what they want, and if they dont eat all / most of it then they can be hungry until next meal.

I think this is much easier when chidlren are a bit younger though and ist much easier for everyone if nipped in the bud before they get as old as 10!

maybe ask her what she would like for tea? and could she help you make it for the whole family. I would also state that mealtimes are nice family times and if she wants to cause a fuss, she isn't wanted at the table spoiling it for others.

yes ur right, it's easier when they are smaller, as I say, we have made a lot of progress, but there is still that hurdle, she's really funny about food, but she has learned that she won't have treats etc if she doesn't eat, but then she just says OK. She was prem anyway, and has always been small, I just worry how healthy she is going to be. If I just let her eat what she wants, how am I ever going to get her to try anything new? plus she is now coming into puberty, and developing I don't even feel we got the hang of childhood properly, and now this!!!!

I'm with Nannyl.
Here is your meal. You don't have to eat anything you don't want....
BUT
there won't be anything else until next meal.

This strategy works very nicely in the Pesto household and avoids mealtimes becoming fraught.

Briarrose, do keep offering new things. Don't let this stop you. It doesn't matter if she won't eat them, but it is important you don't just give up and dish up a much reduced selection of things.

Something I always found helpful was to invite their friends round to tea (usually good eaters). I have a range of stuff that they can help themselves to and the fact that the friends are grabbing away at stuff usually encourages both my dds to eat a lot better than normal.

those are quite good points actually, she does eat better when she helps out with the tea, she once commented after making a chilli with me that she didn't mind eating it because she had seen what went in into it, also she does really enjoy tea where she can help herself, she calls it a mix and match. I suppose I should just chill out then, and make these little allowances. I'm guilty of not having the time to spare, or rather not making the time to spare to actually do those things!