This FUCKING ARSE BADGER RECIPE HAS not worked!!!

[LaurieFairyCake]

Help me please.

Simple cookies - supposed to be able to take a pattern - ie. not rise much

Has not worked - pattern on cookies going in - FUCK ALL on cooked

Does anyone have a simple as fuck recipe that really works - this was my trial run to cook them for a carol service next week

I suspect I need a recipe without golden syrup as it becomes too soft when you work it. Also the recipe was plain and self raising combined - and I think that's a shit idea.

I was all over Pinterest earlier but all the patternable sugar cookie recipes are in cups and how the fuck do you measure butter in a cup properly - I'm not making something again I don't trust

You can google cup to weight conversions.

Clicked on this honestly thinking you were cooking a badger. Was going to suggest popping to Tesco for a chicken instead.

I find the BBC Food recipes pretty foolproof.

That’s such a nice idea! Can you try again with a different recipe?

Yes, I want to try again with a different recipe.

Also these biscuits I now have are really boring - taste of nothing, just vaguely sweet - which would be fine if they were prettily patterned

@CallMeOnMyCell
Are you being sarcastic?!? Or just unable to read

I can't help with the recipes as I've never managed it successfully and gave up, but here's a site that converts cups to grams if that's any use

www.allrecipes.com/article/cup-to-gram-conversions

I think mine works, but I’m not exactly a great cook. It has icing sugar. It’s a basic biscuit recipe

Spill it Dobby

Thinking about it, I have a ginger biscuit recipe where you take the tray out half way and bang it down on the bench to knock the air out of them. That might be worth a try.

Is it worth icing them and rolling the pattern onto the half dry icing?

I’m feeling the pressure. Don’t blame me if it doesn’t work..

It’s really simple to make.

I think you have to press harder than you think is possible

I did some research into this because i’ve bought a couple of those rolling pins for Christmas presents (and made failed embossed biscuits in the past). You need a dough that doesn’t rise at all (so definitely no self-raising flour). I haven’t tried the one below, but it’s quite simple, unlike some of the recipes I found, where you have to dry the dough for 24 hours before baking. It’s also specifically intended for embossing. Let me know if it works?!

cutsidedown.com/2019/10/30/easily-create-the-cutest-cookies-with-embossed-rolling-pins/

I think you need a recipe without rising agents as they'll just distort the pattern and not too high a butter content as that also impacts spread. Ditto on liquid sugars. These punition cookies are the only ones I know that come out exactly as they went in shape wise. Not sure how they'd fare with a pattern though, maybe freezing before baking might help?

Have you tried it without being so gentle with the pattern?

Otherwise I'd just use fondant icing and roll the pattern into that.

www.sewwhite.com/recipes/christmas-spiced-biscuits-embossed-rolling-pin-biscuit-recipe/

This looks a good balanced recipe . Definitely do NOT use any raising agent . Chill, chill and chill again . Bake from fridge .

P.s. the cup to g issue is really easy to solve, converters are everywhere. I also really don’t recommend measuring flour in a cup- you have no idea how densely it should be packed! Ridiculous system!

As pp says you need a shortbread (springerle) recipe with no baking powder etc. Although i have not actually done it myself!
I like your pattern, is it rolled or pressed?

BBC good food basic biscuit recipe. You need lots of flour to dust the surface and I make the dough. Then pop it in the fridge for around half an hour and then work with it in small batches.

As a PP said, you need a springerle recipe:

www.springerle.com/en_photo_recipe.html

Drizzle the boring plain ones with cinnamon icing (80g icing sugar, 2 tsp cinnamon, 2tbsp milk) to spice them up!

Just google 1 cup of butter in weight and it will give you this

One US cup of butter converted to ounce equals to 8.00 oz
How many ounces of butter are in 1 US cup? The answer is: The change of 1 cup us ( US cup ) unit in a butter measure equals = into 8.00 oz ( ounce ) as per the equivalent measure and for the same butter type.

Your bought must be well chilled, so chill, press, harder than you think, then chill again.

And no self raising flour or baking powder, no need of rainsing agent for a biscuit.

Pressing harder just made the dough come off and stick to the pin

It's definitely because there's raising agent in them

I'm going to try the other recipes you've posted

In the meantime I've changed these fucking boring biscuits into lemon sandwich creams

Have you chilled it well?

Sandwich the boring ones together with chocolate buttercream.

Buy some sparkling sugar, or gold spray on glitter.
Make a batch of shortbread or any easy biscuit.
When they are cool, sprinkle or spray with sparkle.
In stressful times, keep it simple.

Have fun at the carol concert!