Need worlds most idiot-proof cake recipe for ds birthday

[Tigana]

Honestly am dire at baking. Cakes always end up rubbery and often with sunken middles.
ds is 2 on saturday and I want to bake him either a birthday cake or a batch of birthday mini-cakes ( mini-muffins or fairy cakes etc).
I know he won't be bothered if it is homemade or bought from supermarket, but I want to try.

I'm here! Have you got a food processor/ hand held 2 whisk mixer thing?

nope

have a wooden spoon

If you take 3 (ready-made) 7" swiss rolls you can make them into a 2 shape.
Cover with butter icing & choc buttons and it looks fantastic.

Just found this which may offer hope and/or inspiration.

am veering towards 'cupcake' style...have had less significant failure with them in the past.

cake -

100 g (4 oz) margarine
100 g (4 oz) caster sugar
2 medium eggs
100 g (4 oz) Self Raising Flour

1 Heat oven to 180ºC, 350ºF, Gas Mark 4. Grease one or two (see below!) 18 cm (7 inch) sandwich tins.

2 Cream margarine and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs, one at a time, adding a little flour with each.

3 Gently fold in remaining flour.

4 Place in prepared tins and bake for 20-25 minutes in 2 tins or 40-45 minutes in one tin.

5 When cool, fill with jam or cream. Dust with icing sugar.

BUTTERFLY CAKES

Use above receipe and then

1 Heat oven to 190ºC, 375ºF, Gas Mark 5. Have ready 18 paper cases

2 Half fill the paper cases with the mixture and bake for about 15 minutes until firm.

3 When cold cut a slice from the top of each cake, cut this in half.

4 Place a little Butter Icing (see above) on each cake and arrange ?wings? around the icing. Dust with icing sugar to decorate.

TOP TIPS

Use the right size tins
Preheat your oven to the CORRECT temp
DON'T open the oven door before time allocated

Good luck! These are be-ro recipes and you can't go wrong with them.

thank you both!
Off to purchase SR flour and some paper cases!
cross your fingers for me...if you see large plume of smoke rising/loud frustrated scream coming from the far south west of the UK...I have managed to get it wrong!

tonight is cake night...
can I sling a couple of handfuls of chocolate chips into the mix without ruining the fine balance of wet to dry and causing cake-disaster?

Also...I have a baking sheet and also a baking tray with little cupcake shapes init already...which one to use...?
c'mon people...pleeease?

baking tray with cupcake shapes is what you need. with papers as well of course.

Fine to add choc chips.

Fill cases about half to 2/3 full - much fuller and they may overflow.

HTH

ooh..too late...but not a problem! Used flat baking sheet in the end-the one wih the shapes had too few ikwim.
Was a very goodgirand pre-heated the oven meticulously and didn't open the oven door until 14 1/2 o the 15 minutes were up! They have risen, they look quite good....

ffs..is too late, fingers malfunctioning:
very good girl