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Help me compose a snotty letter to nursery about their crappy meals

61 replies

Moomin · 20/09/2004 19:17

Can you tell I've got a cob on tonight?! So I need to channel my rage positively and do what I've been threatening for a while - write a letter to nursery about their meals.

The nursery itself is excellent and the staff are fab. Dd has been going there 2 days a week for a year and loves it. They employ a cook and all kids have a hot dinner as well as biscuits and a drink at morning break and toast and a drink mid-afternoon.

Dd (3) is veggie at present (until she decides otherwise) and has a great appetite and eats very well at home and at nursery. The dinners there are unimaginative but just about acceptable as she eats 'good' food at home (ie unprocessed, organic, varied, etc). She seems to eat a lot of veggie mince or quorn sausages when the other kids have chicken nuggets or fish fingers, so I'm not too bothered about this but they seem to eat a lot of chips. Baked beans seem to be their only veg; they never have fresh. Puddings are gross - either ready made jelly which I asked them to replace as dd seemed to be having it every mealtime and now they've proudly announced to me that she now has mousse instead! What's wrong with a piece of fresh fruit? And why do all the kids have to have biscuits mid-morning?

I know I probably seem like a food-nazi but the nursery have been particularly officious about a few things recently, and not very flexible so I've decided to put in writing my thoughts on their food, seeing as I'm paying for the bloody stuff. In the light of the govt's crackdown on school meals and childhood obesity, do you think I've got enough ammo in my rifle or am I being OTT? BTW when dd starts at her pre-school nursery next sept., she will not be allowed any sweets or chocs in her lunchbox, only fresh fruit and water is provided during lessons. Why can't nurseries be more conscientious?

Please excuse the ranting, but I really have got one on me tonight!

OP posts:
Hulababy · 01/10/2004 08:32

Sorry you didn't get anywhere Moomin. Do you speak to other parents? How do they feel?

Moomin · 01/10/2004 09:23

We went to the party of another boy at the weekend. His mum agreed it wasn't brilliant but she's taking him out soon anyway as she's decided to give up work.

Another mum who was there is a consultant who works with dh. Her son is there 5 days a week, 8-6 and she sort of half-heartedly agreed that it wasn't ideal but then said she didn't feed him much better when she got home as it was so late and she was knackered. She said that oven chips, fish fingers and beans was the norm in her house so nursery didn't seem so bad. She obviously has a really hectic life and I didn't want to go harping on in case she thought I was preaching so I left it.

I guess a lot of parents who work f/t (and so that's why they have their kids in nursery) are just grateful that their kids are getting a hot meal in the day.

I had a look at another couple of nurseries near by that actually state the food is fresh and I've read the ofsted reports. Dh, however, is worried about the change for dd. He thinks we ought to at least write a formal letter now before we think about taking her out. But I'm a bit less forgiving than him! I want to do some ringing round today to find out if they have vacancies just in case I do tell dd's present nursery where to stick their place!

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marialuisa · 01/10/2004 09:38

Ring round the other nurseries and check out their menus! I work f/t and DD was in f/t day nursery from 6 months, but there is no way i'd be happy withher eating crap day in, day out. TBH healthy food at nursery was essential for me because if we were too tired to cook I wanted to be able to give her fishfingers and beans! Personally, I would have felt obliged to make a proper meal if she'd already had that sort of stuff at nursey.

Moomin · 01/10/2004 09:54

i agree marialuisa. I cook every night so that we can all eat together even if she's had a meal at nursery or not, so i spose all this has become a point of principle. The bloody woman sounded so arrogant (even though I know this could be the way the manageress told me). Part of me wants to wait until their ofsted (nov) to see what comes up there but that's wasting more time that dd could be settling into a new nursery. I've just rang the one nearest home that had the best and most recent ofsted and I've arranged to go round in a bit so that I can see it and ask some questions about food. The ofsted report said that it was 'healthy and nutritious', so we'll see. I'm not overreacting a bit am I? I don't mind if people think I am - just tell me!

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Trifle · 01/10/2004 10:45

I'm having a similar problem with ds1 who has started in reception and is having school meals which are so crap it's unbelievable. However, I cant change his school obviously and I can do packed lunches but, he is soooo damn happy eating these crappy nuggets, chips, turkey twizlers etc that I am reluctant to change him. He's never been faced with this kind of food before so is delighted in being able to eat it and as all his friends are having school meals and I do not wish to ostracise him. I do try and compensate by giving him decent grub in the evenings. However, I have come to realise that I cannot shield him forever from this type of food. If he goes to childrens parties or friends houses he is likely to be given such rubbish and I can only educate him into what food is nutritious and good for him which he is pretty aware of. As far as you are concerned, I think if your dd is happy with the nursery, is settled then it would be a big move to change her simply because of the diet she is getting 2 days a week. At the end of the day, you would only be prolonging the inevitable crap that she will be getting once she starts school (unless you go down the packed lunch route)and if my ds was given even half the list of food you have mentioned I would be happier. I'm more concerned with the attitude of the nursery and would, if possible try and persuade them to give your dd fruit instead of biscuits etc. If you look at it from a different perspective, during one week (3 meals a day x 7 days = 21 meals) your dd is only eating in effect 4 crap meals so you have the chance to influence a better selection on the other 17.

SofiaAmes · 01/10/2004 14:20

moomin, change nurseries. I would be a bit concerned about the kind of care they give to your dd, if they are that uninterested in her health or in respecting your wishes regarding something that is not an unreasonable request (considering it's supposed to be one of the current government initiatives.).

expatkat · 01/10/2004 14:43

Moomin. Just to address yr dh's concern about the impact of switching dd to another nursery. . .

I recently had a talk with the well-respected head of what seems to be the best nursery in my neighborhood, a nursery that neither of my kids got a place at. I asked her what the impact would be on my dd if I switched her to the good nursery next year. She said that one switch before the age of 5 is OK, but 2 or more switches can have a permanent effect on their attitude towards school, and on their willingness to set down roots and make friends. I agree with the others that you should change nurseries. If you don't anticipate another switch before the age of 5, why not?

Moomin · 01/10/2004 16:10

But she'd be starting her pre-school next sept as she turns 4 so i would be changing her again.

We visited this morning and she loved it - didn't want to come home. It's a much homelier nursery, smaller and more cosy. All their policies are clear and up to date and look like they'd provide the sort of care I'd want. The food is much better as well. All freshly cooked on the premises, fresh veggies with every meal. Some puddings made there (like sponge and custard) but some puds still ice cream or jelly so I said i wouldn't want her to be having anything like that and they were fine about it. They make home-made soups in the winter for afternoon tea as well. I just need to tell dh about it and let him go and have a look. I also liked the fact they had a vegetable patch and 2 rabbits (and so did dd!)

I know what you're saying, trifle, about the proportion of meals but i really don't think that the descent into junk food is 'inevitable'. The primary school dd is down for has banned sweets, crisps and pop. All kids are given a piece of fruit at break time and they are given water throughout the day. I haven't seen what the school meals are like, but i can't imagine if they've made moves with other food their canteen would be awful. Even so, dd will take a packed lunch if they're not suitable. The govt is likely to be tackling school meals very soon and i truely hope that the nuggets-and-chips days are numbered.

I hate the perception that I'm in some way bolshy or awkward or weird because I care about what goes into dd's mouth and I care about the way she will perceive food in the future. I wouldn't ban her from eating anything (within reason) but I'm buggered if crap is going to be part of her everyday diet. So many people seem to have the attitude of 'oh well, it's too much hassle to fight it' and it really doesn't have to be like this!

I'll shut up now

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 01/10/2004 18:51

I agree with you moomin. Go for it.

SofiaAmes · 01/10/2004 21:38

moomin, it sounds lovely. Go for it. And I totally agree with you on the food front!!!

JiminyCricket · 02/10/2004 21:16

Why is it seen as bolshy/awkward/weird to care about this food stuff? I'm totally with you on this one moomin. My friends with babies mutter comments like 'oh your mummy's really good with your food isn't she' while trying to give my 12 month old as many wotsits as they can sneak past me and obviously thinking i'm really strange. I think there's a lot of peer pressure or at least influence, because a lot of the mums who started out giving really healthy foods don't bother anymore, but it's not inevitable and definitely schools and nurseries should do better.

Moomin · 02/10/2004 22:46

i was listening to the radio recently (might have been wogan ) and he had a letter from a woman who'd had a friend of her dd home to tea. This child asked what was for tea and was told it was shepherds pie and veg.
child pulled a face. 'don't like that' she said.
the mother suggested fish and mash instead.
'fish fingers?' asked the child.
'no, fish, like fishfingers but without the breadcrumbs'
'don't like that'
'ok what else would you like? omlette? baked potato? boiled egg?'
child replies 'haven't you got any normal food? we eat smiley faces or chips or nuggets at home. why haven't you got any of them?'

One of my friends keeps nuggets in her freezer purely for when her ds has friends home for tea, as they've turned their noses up at her dinners so often. (obviously she's really weird and makes home-made soups and curries and pasta bakes, etc)

OP posts:
SueW · 02/10/2004 23:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

clary · 04/10/2004 14:06

Moomin just had to post in response to your last...
(no experience of nurseries but I'm sure you're making the right moves)
Had a pal of DS1's and her older bro to tea; asked older one (8) what he liked: I like chicken nuggets.
Hmm. Don't have those here. I'll make you some (ala Anabel Karmel); what would you like with them? Peas? don't like them; carrots? don't like them (virtually blasphemy in this house); baked beans (gettign desperate here)? - OK.
Cooked the home-made nuggets, beans and pasta; child ate no beans, no pasta, however did eat the nuggets!
when we go there we always get reformed nuggets, potato shapes, tinned spag; don't want to sound like a snob or bolshy mum but there is no FAVU there at all.
And i assume that's what they eat all the time!
You have the right to ensure your child's diet is good, whatever others may think acceptable.

MrsCoddyClooney · 04/10/2004 14:10

moomin I always go for crap food when feeding strangers ( ie ds1s pals)
ds1 told a friend of mine he didnt like cheese or ham ior bread when at hers!! weirdo - he eats it allthe time.

I just think it s not my job to put my foot down for other poeples kids

MrsCoddyClooney · 04/10/2004 14:11

and also will the kid somes back to you if you are nagging and disapproving about his diet?

enid · 04/10/2004 14:14

mine usually get fast food when friends for tea (fish fingers, smiley faces, baked beans) they all think its a great treat, they love it

MrsCoddyClooney · 04/10/2004 14:16

exactly
ds1 wont go to one friends house after his mthe put chives in a cheese sauce!

clary · 04/10/2004 14:53

yeah, enid and coddy, it was you i was talking about!

I should add that i'm not po-faced, don't ban mine from eating potato shapes etc at others' houses.
I guess I was just concerned a bit that a child would only eat such stuff.

berries · 04/10/2004 15:10

I was asked by the mum of a new friend of dd2 recently whether it was true dd2 only ate chicken nuggets & chips! We NEVER have them at home, luckily the other mum knew me well enough to suspect this wasn't true. The motto is - don't believe everything they tell you

Moomin · 04/10/2004 20:56

well, have handed notice in at nursery and then have just written said snotty letter to the owner. we have the choice to 2 nurseries that i really like now - one is very local and cooks better food than last nursery on the premises and other has packed lunches. dh will visit both on friday and we'll make up our minds from there. Here is the letter:

"Dear Mrs Nugget (not real name)

I am writing with further to a conversation I had with [your manageress] on Thursday 23rd September, the result of which she was going to discuss with you. As you know, I had voiced some concerns I had with the food being served at [nursery], which I do not consider to be as balanced and nutritious as it could be.

I had asked when dd started [nursery] in September 2003 that she not have meat and also that she not have food which is what I call processed food: high in salt, sugar, fat and/or additives. I was told that this would not be a problem. I was uncomfortable with dd being given biscuits at morning break every day but I did not speak up formally at this time as I did not want to ?rock the boat? nor to make dd feel different to the other children in any way. I did say at the time that I was not very keen on dd eating jelly and other processed desserts. I told staff that fresh fruit would always be a welcome alternative to these types of puddings.

More recently, though, I have noticed that jelly seemed to be featuring quite regularly when staff told me what dd had been eating for her lunch. This time I asked that jelly not be given to dd. After this, on a day that jelly had been served to the other children, I was told that dd had been given mousse, which contains just as much gelatine, sugar and additives as the jelly. I appreciate that staff were trying to accommodate my wishes in the best way they saw fit, and I have to say that they have always been helpful and pleasant when I have made enquiries about the food, but I do think that there seems to be a basic lack of knowledge about what constitutes healthy and nutritious food at the nursery.

I then asked to see a menu planner and was dismayed to see that, even though your meals are prepared by a cook at the nursery, there were very few fresh vegetables on offer and fresh fruit only available on certain days, the alternative to this on other days being tinned fruit or cake. At this point I went in to speak to [manageress] and she was very understanding of my concerns and said that she would speak to you about them. I had hoped that, with an Ofsted inspection coming up, and with the current Government?s concerns into school meals and the education of the young about healthy foods, that you might at least have considered the validity of your current menu. However, I was told by [manageress] a week later that dd could have fresh of tinned fruit for her puddings from now on and that you had no intention of reviewing your menus. I am very disappointed that you chose this course of reply to my concern.

I teach in a state school and I get paid whether parents choose our school or not; yet it is common practice to get together with parents as soon as concerns are raised, either by telephone or, preferably, face-to-face. Even when I know the outcome of a meeting will not result in the way the parents initially hope for, due to school policy for instance, it is common courtesy to explain the process and reasons to the parents. Parents of children who attend [your nursery] are paying for the care of their children, and that should entitle them to have some say about the way they are fed and the way concerns are dealt with, without a casual dismissal. Obviously the fact that we are paying for dd?s nursery education gives us some choice and so we are, reluctantly, exercising that choice in changing dd?s nursery.

My husband and I have been very pleased with the level of care in all other aspects that dd has received from all your staff at [nursery], and we shall be sorry to say goodbye in many ways. However, we would rather that dd spend the next year before pre-school at a nursery where we are not felt as if we are being unreasonable for caring about what our daughter eats.

Yours sincerely

Mrs Moomin"

wotdya think?

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 04/10/2004 21:17

Fab, send it.

Flik · 04/10/2004 21:36

After following this thread since it started I think the way you handled the situation is great. Your final letter to the nursery gives valuable points and your totally right about how they should be considering more about what they are feeding the children they are paid to care for. I am always worrying about what I feed my dd's and although we have our 'fast' food nights there is always some form of veggie/salad on their plates. Luckily I now have them eating wholemeal pasta and rice dishes without batting an eyelid. I had a shock a few weeks ago when for the first time had some of dd1's school friends over for a party tea and one of them asked me what was in the bowl I'd put out and it was pasta! Incidently they all woofed it down.

SofiaAmes · 04/10/2004 21:36

typo 4th paragraph "fresh of tinned"

Otherwise, it's great. I like the way you say that you are a teacher and would give your students' parents at least a meeting...and bit about excercising choice. Go moomin!!

By the way, as you know, my father is a world leader on research on nutrition. He is adamant that it's extremely important what children, particularly young ones, eat. There is more and more evidence that nutrition has direct links to intelligence and health. I'm sure your dd will love her new nursery.

Moomin · 04/10/2004 21:50

cheers sofia - thanks for pointing out the typo - I'm going boss-eyed sat at this pc! Dh is casting his beady eye over it as we speak then it'll get posted off tomorrow. Watch this space!

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